Seduction Never Lies

seduction never lies 1Recently I was in line at the drugstore and I saw a headline that made my eyes grow wide and my heart grow full. On the cover of Us magazine was a photograph of The Bachelor, (as in, the TV show), but THIS time, the headline read a bit differently:

“She just didn’t feel it.”

I swear I almost threw my armful of Swisspers and Cadbury eggs in the air, grabbed the guy behind me and doe-see-doe while screaming “She just didn’t feel it!! She just didn’t feel it!! She! Just! Didn’t! Feel! It!”

Let me be clear, I wish no ill will towards the bachelor himself. But to me there is no clearer demonstration of all the twisted ideas we have about seduction than on this show. A cookie-cutter assembly of 25 women groomed solely to please the male gaze are selected to live together in what is essentially an ivory tower, wait for Prince Charming to call, and when he does, be ready to fight to the death against other women to get his attention.

It is like a demented Disney movie nightmare come to life.

In order to be a considered seductive, most women feel they have to be able to hook a man (or a woman) like a rake. If she is able to make that person fall in love with her, her seductive power is proven. If she can’t, her seductive power is diminished.

But there is one crucial decimal point missing in this equation:

What if she just doesn’t feel it?

This experience of seduction being a feeling we can surrender to, rather than a manipulation to be executed, is exactly what makes seduction a spiritual practice. It requires that a woman shift the focus from what she can seduce, to finding out what and who is seducing her. Once you’ve got that road map, you’ve got it all.

In my upcoming 12-week course Deep Dive, there is a curriculum piece about mythical stories, fairy tales and archetypes and what they have to teach us about our womanhood. What brings me elation about this Bachelor story is that it proves we are writing a new fairy tale - where the princess is already awake. She is a woman initiated. She is connected to her instincts. She follows the golden rule:


In Deep Dive there is a reason we call the members of the course  Mermaids.  A sacred seductress has mastery in the art of going with the flow.  She knows how to both surf the squalls and laze about in the tide pools.  Her body is made of 80% water, just like the earth itself. There is no point in fighting the tides of desire.  Desire, like the all of nature, is cyclical.  That is where a seductress gets her confidence.  Not from controlling what others think, but from surrendering to the cycles of her truth (in style, of course).

So tell me gorgeous, what is seducing you today? Use the tag #seduceme on Instagram and show me what’s got you under it’s spell.

With a flick and swish of my mermaid tail,

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P.S. – Feeling like you wouldn’t know what’s seducing you even if it bit you on the bum? I’ve got you covered. This Friday I am teaching a free online event: Seduction Under Any Circumstances. I will teach you how to connect with your inner seductress no matter what might be happening on the outer, and let her take the lead. Just say yes.

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Seduction Under Any Circumstances – FREE ONLINE EVENT

seduction under any circumstancesRecently, I was doing a little field research on Facebook, and I posted this question to my community: “What is the number one question you have about living a seductive life?”

Here are some of the responses:

  • How do you keep your juicy sparkle when you’re feeling low?
  • How do you feel safe enough to live a seductive life? I’ll go along merrily, and then I’ll encounter something REALLY creepy, and shut down.
  • How to get in touch with fun and sexiness when you are too tired or sad
  • I can be a once in a while seductress – but how do I become an all-the-time seductress?
  • Where/How to make it current reality instead of “looking” to be a Seductress in “the future”?

I am so grateful for your answers.

And I noticed a very common thread.  Every single answer was the same, with different wording. The real question is:

How do we stay seductive when the going gets tough?

You may have moments where you are flirting with some beautiful stranger, you’re dressed up for work or a dinner party, or you are walking through a garden at the height of a sensual spring day and you think: “Yes, I am a seductress.”

But then there are moments when you sit on the couch watching TV with a bag of tortilla chips that don’t even taste good, and there is a crusted dollop of baby food on your shirt that you are starting to smell the odor of chicken and peas emanating from and you think: “Seductive rigamortous has set in.”

Or maybe you just got text-ghosted by some bozo who loved you and left you, or you went on what you swear will be the last crappy OK cupid date of your life, or you look at your tired weary eyes in the mirror just before leaving a 10 hour day of work and you think: “Where the hell did my seductress vaporize to this time?”

You got questions? You got questions?? Well girls, I got answers.

The thing is, there is no blanket, all encompassing answer. Seduction is personal, individual. And while our challenges are the same, the solution is different for everyone.  This is why, on Friday April 24th I am hosting a free event called:

“What the hell is a seductive life anyway? – And how do you live one when you haven’t brushed your teeth yet, your manicure is chipped and you work at a job you hate?”

(Just kidding. I thought the title was catchy, but written out in big letters it looks a little off-brand.)

So, the real title of the event is….(drumroll)

seduction under any circumstances

In this 60-minute online event we will cut to the chase with powerful content right from the start. I am going to give you six tangible tips to call upon your inner seductress anytime, like she is a fairy godmother at your beck and call. Then, we are going to dive into some deep Q and A, because that is where the magic really unfurls. Click here to reserve your spot.

As the character John Brooks once said in the movie “Little Women”:

“Over the mysteries of female life there lies a veil, best left undisturbed.”

I invite you to sneak past the veil and come on backstage darlin’.  I’ve got a spot on the fainting couch waiting just for you.

Viva La Seduccion!

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Forgetting To Be Miserable

photo(25)This is a picture of me after working out at the gym yesterday.

WOW! YOU WORKED OUT TODAY KITTY! CONGRATULATIONS! Here are three massive red geraniums to celebrate you!

Can you imagine if the world worked that way? If every step we took towards self-care, caring for others, striving to run our own little universes resulted in a brass band parade, the corking of champagne, or the delivery of a bouquet of flowers?

It’s almost like we would forget to be miserable.

The unfortunate thing is, the world doesn’t work that way currently, (except for maybe in New Orleans, which is exactly why I’m moving there.)  Just turn on the local or national news and there you have about five hundred good reasons to just want to crawl into a hole and stay there for eternity.

But the thing is, by virtue of the fact that you have gotten this far in reading this post, I know you won’t settle for that. Because you are a sacred seductress.

A sacred seductress shapes the world around herself, rather than shaping herself around the world.  (Click to tweet!) She is sassy, feisty, flirtatious and would not hesitate to strike up the band just because she finished a day of work, ran for 20 minutes on the treadmill, made a great dinner, or because her poor constipated dog finally had a really good poop. (okay, that one maybe just me).  She is committed to the discipline of celebrating, savoring and high-fiving. She sucks the marrow from the bone of life with a big, loud, slurp;  and follows that with an even bigger, louder moan of pleasure.  And because of these things, she glows.

In Deep Dive, my upcoming 12-week course in living as a sacred seductress, we practice celebration with the same tenacity and vigor as a professional sports team.  We actually have celebration drills.  It is a practice we call “push-ups”. It is when another woman does or says something you think deserves celebration, you give her a push up, lifting her up even higher than she can see for herself, and in doing so, both of your celebration muscles get toned and tightened.  It is high intensity training in celebrating the little things.  This discipline does not just change us personally as individuals, it changes us collectively as a class, and in turn, has the opportunity to change the whole world.

Want to go for a swim?

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Which of these women is the TRUE seductress?


Most people will recognize the cast of women pictured above, but just in case you don’t: meet Frenchy, Marty, Rizzo, Sandy, and Jan. The female cast of Grease.

When you look at this picture, which one of these women strikes you as the seductress?

Your first pick might be Rizzo, because she is the most overtly sexual of the bunch.

Or Sandy, because she is the lead dame in the story.

But the real question is, which of these women isn’t a seductress?

Take Marty for example, the hopeless romantic who wears lingerie to slumber parties and sends perfumed love letters to a catalog of suitors overseas, operating her own private little U.S.O.

Or Frenchy, the shy coquette who flirts with everyone and everything, and is a woman who refuses to relent on her passions. She drops out of high school to go to beauty school, then drops out of beauty school to go on to something else. And even though she has no idea what that is yet, she won’t stop until she finds it.

And then there’s Jan, the harlequin, who is such a comedienne you’d think her whole skeleton was made up of funny bones.

In the old paradigm of seduction, when we ask ourselves “who is the most seductive woman in the room?” most people would probably point to the woman in the tightest dress or the one surrounded by a pack of men. But in the new paradigm of Sacred Seduction, it is not a question of whether or not a woman is a seductress, because:


Every woman alive is a natural seductress. (CLICK TO TWEET!)

The question then becomes, what are each woman’s most seductive qualities? As women, we contain the all the components of great seduction in our very DNA. It is inherent and indigenous to our nature. Just look at our sister Eve! She’s been in exile since the dawn of time because her invitation to bite the apple was more influential than the command of God himself.

 Yes girls, we are that powerful.

In my upcoming course Deep Dive, the story of Adam and Eve is actually our jumping off point. In the game of ownership, confidence and seduction, origin is everything to a woman’s reclamation. In our culture we are taught to feel guilty for our seductive power, to keep it hidden and under wraps – even to ourselves. Or, if we choose not to, we are taught to feel ashamed, and are blamed for our stupidity if that seductive power is violated or taken advantage of. Not to mention the ruthless, bloodthirsty competition we are taught to feel when we are in the presence of another woman who shines her seductive power forward without apology.


I believe with every fiber of my being that when we embrace our seductive power, we heal. Not just individually but collectively. Recently I was doing an intention ritual with my Mom, and as we were stating intentions for each other, she prayed “for Kitty to feel clear in her mission to help women”. What she said was meaningful and lovely, but part of it didn’t quite sit right with me. While I do work almost exclusively with women, it is not just women I am seeking to help.

The mission of Sacred Seduction is to make this world a more kind and welcoming place for the feminine to thrive. When I say “the feminine”, I don’t just mean women. I mean the feminine in all of us: women, men, the planet and each other. Being a sacred seductress is about being a leader in this way of life.

If that mission calls to you, I would love to have you take part in Deep Dive, where we swim the depths of what it means to live out your seductive legacy with pleasure, power and purpose. We start May 4th.  I would love to have you.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have an apple to devour,

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PS – Not quite ready to buy a ticket to the show but still want to take a peek? Be sure to check out my free series called Peep Show.  It’s like a backstage pass to living The Seductive Life.  Click here to get yours.

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You Spoke, I Listened: Changes To Deep Dive

ddd828670801d7f47293cd7481cba23fAnother day at the office

Darling Seductress,

I am so happy from the tips of my eyelashes to the tips of my little toes.  This is my favorite time of year because this is the week I launch Deep Dive, my 12-week intensive program in Sacred Seduction. Initially, I decided to do Deep Dive a little differently this year.  For me personally, as a participant and a facilitator, I get the most out of programs when I have constant connection.  One-on-one coaching, live events, continual cheer leading online – these things are all my jam.

When creating this years session of Deep Dive, I decided to include many of these personalized elements in the package. This made it a premium offering in terms of price and availability and I knew that would probably decrease enrollment to a degree, but I was okay with that.  I meditated on it, I danced about it.  I felt really good about hitting that button and lettin’ her launch.

I woke up the next morning to a few sign ups (welcome!) but also, a barrage of emails.  Some were from women who lived in countries like Australia or Romania (hey girls!), and just didn’t want to get on a plane for a two day retreat.  Some were from women who are new to Sacred Seduction and just don’t have the time or desire to commit to such a comprehensive program.  Some were from women who are on a tight budget and $1500 is just too big a financial commitment right now.

So I did as any good sacred seductress would do.  I filled the tub with hot water, sprinkled in some sultry sandalwood oil, turned on my favorite bath time playlist, and vowed not to come out until I had a solution.

First, I pouted.  As any entrepreneur can tell you, putting your work out there is vulnerable stuff.  When you follow your heart rather than a register of market statistics and you don’t get the result you wanted, you feel a little bruised and doubtful.  But once the furrow in my brow smoothed out and my lower lip had returned to a neutral state, I remembered one of the golden rules of sacred seduction:

“If you can’t beat em’, enjoy them.” (Click to tweet!)

The thing is, we often forget that seduction is a two-way street.  If I operated in the old paradigm of seduction, I would be keeping out a large percentage of you who really want to learn this way of life simply because I wouldn’t want to give up my pride.  But as a sacred seductress, I am just as proud of my ability to bend as I am my ability to stand strong.  Seduction is both yin and yang, talking and listening, giving and receiving.  Which is why after I was done eating my humble pie with my bare hands, by candlelight, sucking my fingertips slowly…I decided to open up a less intensive yet still incredible version of Deep Dive: The Pink Package.

In writing this to you, I know that those of you who are really right for this program will be even more attracted than before.  You see, sacred seduction is not about putting on a mask and manipulating people into what you want them to think.  Yawn – how boring, and ewww – how gross.  Sacred seduction is about taking the mask off, and knowing that our truth is and always will be the most attractive thing about us.

In telling you my truth, I know I have further earned your trust.  And I hope you will consider joining us for this years session of Deep Dive, because I would love nothing more than to get to hear yours.

All my love and bath time bubbles,

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A 24-Hour Tryst



The countdown is on.

In just a few days, I, Kitty Cavalier, will be having a tryst.

Tryst: (def) a private, romantic, rendezvous between lovers.

Over Easter weekend I am headed out of town to see family. The plan: my lover is meeting me a day early for an adventurous, sexy 24 hours in a swanky hotel. But the before we go any further, the swanky part needs a disclaimer.

I volunteered to book the hotel, having always gotten lucky with the “name your price” option on Priceline in the past. I put in high bid for a four star hotel, thinking it would get me the most glamorous bang for my buck. I entered my credit card, hit the button and rubbed my hands together in anticipation.

What did I get? A corporate hotel in the business district. It is a four star hotel, but there is no luxury here. No romance. No feminine. No curves. Just straight, angular lines everywhere you look. It is the erotic equivalent of a Hampton Inn. There is no going back; no refunds, no transfers, nothin’. I pouted and stamped my foot feeling like I had been cheated and duped. My precious dollars budgeted for seduction and romance gone a-waste.


But then I remembered: “A sacred seductress always gets what she really wants, it just may not be what she asks for.”

After my pout-fest had run its course, I realized that I had in fact conjured my true desire. In a new love affair it is easy to get carried away by shiny novelty: fancy hotel rooms, answering the door in lingerie, having champagne and strawberries on the balcony. But what is this, an episode of The Bachelor? When I ask myself, what do I really, really want out of these 24 hours, the answer is not just swinging from the chandeliers. I want to get to know this person that intrigues me. I want to be real with him, and I want him to be real with me. And you just can’t really hide behind particleboard furniture and marquis carpet. By my lottery number landing on this hotel I may have removed the outside symbols of seduction, but it turn, made room for the real thing.

And this is where the true seductress in me gets to come out and play.

Follow me on Instagram – I’ll post a picture of the rug. ;)

Keepin’ It Real,

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P.S. – A tryst isn’t the only thing up my sleeve this week.  The curtain has been drawn back on Peep Show, my collection of free seduction video lessons.  Click here for your VIP Pass.

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How I Became A Seductress


Friends and Lovers,

Recently I was asked by the gals at Over The Moon Magazine to become a monthly contributor, and I couldn’t be more thrilled about it.  Any club with the tagline “where the divine feminine comes to play” is a club I want to be a part of!

Today debuts my first article titled “How I Became A Seductress“.  I submitted it months ago, but today when I read it again I must say, I had my own self in stitches.  It is the story of how I lost my virginity (with a comic twist).  But more than that, it is the story of how I happened upon my seductive power, which never would have happened if it wasn’t for “Mr. Zima”.

I hope you enjoy.

All my love,

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P.S.  – Deep Dive, one of only two group programs I teach all year, is coming in April. To get on the list for advance enrollment notice, as well as  exclusive savings, click here.

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Lay Me Down To Rest (NOLA Will Have To Wait)


After my previous blog about leaving New York, many of you have sent your good wishes for a joyous transition, and I am very grateful. But you might be wondering why your Instagram feed is not clogged with photos of my fabulous new home in New Orleans and all the splendor the city has to offer. You see, I have not actually moved to New Orleans yet. To take a breather between The Big Apple and The Big Easy, I have laid myself down to rest in South Carolina, moving in with my Mom for two months.

Mom and I get along great and I am thrilled that I get the chance to spend this precious time with her, though I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t feeling trepidation. Mom lives in a small town, and operates at a very different pace than what this Brooklyn babe is used to. I was afraid I would be itchy upon arrival, or after a week, be climbing the walls.

Surprisingly, quite the opposite has occurred. I feel happy and extremely well rested.  My day is broken into three phases. Phase One: Wake up. Walk the dog along a pine needle path. Do Qoya. Journal and drink tea while Mom reads the paper. Phase Two: Write and work with my coaching clients while Mom goes out to do errands and volunteer work. Phase Three: Go to the gym. Make dinner with Mom, then settle on the couch to mutually enjoy the binge watch of the week.


It may sound like a snooze of a lifestyle, but people, I am in heaven. I feel so healthy. My mind is so clear and creative. I haven’t even started my plan to actually move to New Orleans. In fact, I don’t even yet have the desire to go!

And that is the Yin phase for ya’.

I often talk about the concept of yin and yang being integral to understanding sacred seduction. Yin and Yang are two universal energies.  Yin is an inward energy – examples would be the rest, darkness, intuition, gestation.  Yang is an outward energy: like action, bright light, activity, expression. These energies are opposite from one another, yet they are also dependent on one another for their existence. For example, how would we know dark without light? How would we know we know warmth without cold? Sadness without joy? How would we know passionate yearning for the adventure of a new city without deep rest to complete the cycle of what we’ve left behind?

Before I left New York, the man I’m dating gave me the most extraordinary gift, a book called “Unfathomable City: A New Orleans Atlas”. It was such a perfect gift. My heart melted and my soul sang. When I left for the airport to fly south, I placed it in the front pocket of my carry-on, thinking it would be the perfect read for the journey to my new home.

The truth is, I haven’t even touched the thing.

Not because I don’t love it, but because at this point, I am not yet hungry for the next adventure to begin. Rather than freaking out about that, I surrender to it. Lack of desire does not scare me. I know I will get there eventually. The Yin rest cycle will complete and the active Yang will engage. This is sacred seduction in action: surrendering to the tides of desire, whether they are in line with our agenda or not. The spiral of seduction is not leading me up at this moment, it is leading me down. Down to become quiet. To rest. To regroup.


And it is following this spiral that reassures me I am more of a sacred seductress than ever before in my life. As my dear friend Rochelle Schieck recently told me: “You’re modeling what sacred seduction really is. You teach us how to wear red lipstick, you teach us how to follow our deepest desires. It’s all the same.”

New Orleans has seduced me this far. When the tides change, I will feel hunger pangs that cause my fingers to settle on my NOLA atlas, and my hands will begin to sow the seeds of a new life, into this fresh and fertile soil.

But until then, back to Downton Abbey,

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P.S.  – Deep Dive, one of only two group programs I do all year, is coming in April. To get on the list for advance notice and exclusive savings, click here.

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So, I’m Dating a Scorpio


So, I’m dating a Scorpio. This man is a different profile than what’s ever caught my interest before.  He is quiet and introverted.  Mysterious and smart. He owns two motorcycles and take photographs for a living. A real James Dean type.

Swoon. I know.

Personality wise, he is definitely a cat.  It may surprise you to learn that in relationships, I am a bit of a slobbering Golden Retriever.  I want to know everything about the person, talk all the time, have sex all the time, go out all the time.  Restraint is a challenge for me.  Silence scares me.

We teach what we most want to learn.

At first, despite a strong attraction I thought we may not be a match made in the stars.  That is, until this years snowpocalypse.

During the NYC January blizzard I was snowed in with said Scorpio, drinking bourbon and reading about the zodiac.  In April, I’ll be teaching Qoya and a seduction workshop at the Become Your Own Astrologer Retreat in Tulum, Mexico.  Once I hit the chapter on Scorpios, I was amazed. Suddenly, everything made sense.   His tendency toward  bouts of silence, his subtle but well thought out gestures of romance, the way he took an interest in my work and was totally turned on by the fact that I had written a book. It was like I had just received a secret dictionary translating an exotic language I was just beginning to learn.


In the game of seduction, I am not one to tell you what you should do to please someone else.  To me, seduction is an inside job.  Please yourself, and let that sparkle carry over to those around you.  In doing so, you allow your magnetism to do the heavy lifting.  However, learning about astrology has served to not just increase my sparkle, but also make me more savvy. Knowing the subconscious desires and longings of out partner gives an insiders look, helping to navigate which of our qualities to give a bit of extra attention to, thereby lubricating the seduction.

For example, knowing that Scorpios love when their partners are independent empowers me to being forthcoming with my opinions and assertive in my decision making.  I tend to do these things anyway, but understanding the traits of his sign give me just the extra kick of reassurance I need to shine that piece of myself forward without reservation.

Even the Astrotwins will tell you, none of these theories are dictates.  Good communication is key to unlocking any persons secret doors.  Though I will say that today at the market when the cashier told me her birth date in conversation, I knew that her Aquarian nature meant she had a secret freak flag just begging to be set free.  Hence why I gave her a wink as I left, making both of us giggle and blush.

Below you will find some very pinnable cards that serve as seduction cheat sheets.  Remember, sacred seduction is not just applicable to love.  Use these cards for inspiration when wooing your boss to see things your way, seducing your kids to eat their veggies, or any other variation on the dance of desire.  After all, seduction, like the stars, is limitless.


And…if a week of  feeling crystalline water surge against your ankles while your feet shift in white sand, mastering the zodiac by day and being led through Radical Self Love rituals with Gala Darling by night, dancing Qoya with me in nature and eating some of the best food on planet earth are all things that entice you, join us for the Astrotwins incredible retreat April 18th-24th in Tulum, Mexico.

Beyonce Is A Virgo,

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New Orleans Is Calling, And I Must Go


About six months ago, I started to feel the urge to move out of New York City.  It felt terrifying to leave my home of fourteen years, and yet it resonated as right and true more than anything I could remember.  The logical choice seemed the Northwest; I love it there, I have huge community there, that’s where people from Brooklyn just go, but my when my heart and soul would dream it was not west they were soaring towards, it was south.  South, to my beloved New Orleans.

People always ask me “why New Orleans?” assuming I have family there, or a job, or a network of friends.  Nope.  I know two darling souls in New Orleans, dear friends but not super close (yet).  I have only been there three times.  I don’t have any of those concrete reasons that usually drive the decision to move.  And yet, for some reason when people ask me “why New Orleans”, it strikes as a silly question.  Why New Orleans? Well, because…it’s New Orleans.

To me, NOLA is the coolest city in the world.  It is the ultimate gumbo – spicy mix of ingredients like sass, sexy, celebration, beauty, history, grit, grime, and sovereignty; all of which compliment each other, but never lose their individual flavors. It is the place where the wild, jubilant, improvised sound of jazz took its very first breath.  Where the very streetcars that rumbles up and down the avenue answer to the name “desire”.

NOLA BALCONYNew Orleans is a living time capsule of gypsy queens, flamboyant flappers, courtesans, debutantes, creoles, Cajuns, voodoo priestesses, literary legends and musical royalty come to life. And I am about to become part of its history, in more ways than one. After a two-month stay at my Mom’s place in South Carolina, I will be moving to New Orleans permanently.  I feel pregnant with desire and possibility.  Which is why today is a most auspicious time to open enrollment on my 2015 New Orleans retreat.

As I explained earlier, New Orleans is the sexiest city I know.  Seduction lives in the very air you breathe, with every steamy inhale and every deep exhale.  When I was a kid I used to dream about a place where beauty was considered a core value, where someone would take on the role of big sister and tell me, gently and lovingly, all the things I needed to know about being initiated into womanhood.  I used to wish my fairy godmother would scoop me up and take me out into the moonlight to do a spell under the stars.

Well, I just gotta brag, that is exactly what I have created for myself, and for you, on this retreat. If Mae West, Cleopatra and Josephine Baker planned a vacation together, sister, this would be it. I would love to see you there, and take you on the adventure of a lifetime.

And so without further adieu, I pass the torch to you.  I pass to you the message I received months ago that I am currently in the process of heeding, with no intention of looking back.  Can you hear it in your heart? That steady pulse and beat? Listen….

“Come to New Orleans. Come, come, come….”


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