5 Things Every Woman Needs To Know

Start The Season Video Screenshot

Turtledoves,

We all know the saying “confidence comes from within”, but what does that mean exactly?

It is no secret that every day you receive subliminal messages that tell you when you lose more weight, or make more money, or buy new underwear that you will feel more confident.  (that last one does have a bit of truth to it.)

But there is also a new pressure, that if you could just become more evolved, more intuitive, more joyful, more playful, that you would have more confidence.

In my experience, confidence doesn’t come from stomping out your flaws with a shoe.

It’s the REVEAL, not the conceal, that counts.  

That is why Sacred Seduction® is defined as attraction through authenticity.  Confidence that comes from smoke and mirrors is like a house with no foundation.  It may look great from the outside, but take one step inside and you risk fall right into a black hole.

That is why I am thrilled to invite you to my free, 5-day game called “Start The Season With Seduction.”   This game will give you five concrete tools you can start using right now to feel unshakably confident.  When confidence comes from embodying who you are, rather than trying to be something you are not, no one and no thing can ever take it away from you.

I want every woman in the world to know that truth in her literal bones.  And that is why I have created this 5 day adventure.

Click here to sign up and join us now!

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The Unfortunate Truth About Genuine Confidence

LOUBITONSWhen I was 17 years old I hopelessly lacked confidence.  All I wanted was for people to like me, as most teenagers do.  I remember having a crush on a boy who was in a band, and he liked “alternative” looking girls.  I was kind of the Candice Bergen of my Catholic high school, always sporting a smart blazer with cigarette pants, occasionally venturing out with a signature polka dot mini skirt and mohair sweater.  

When a romance with the bass player in question kicked off, I decided it was time for an extreme makeover.  I grabbed my best friend Mary and we high tailed it to Salvation Army to stock up on vintage pieces to pair with my Express boot cut jeans, thereby making myself look more “alternatized”.

Alternatizing is just one example of many times I have tried to buy confidence in my life.  But what I find over and over, is that true confidence is rooted in….


You want to know what it is?

I must warn you.

It’s very un-sexy.

Are you sure you want to hear it?

You sure you want to take the red pill?

Okay…

If you insist….

True, genuine confidence actually comes from:

Humility.

UghhhhhhHHHHH!

 Really Kitty????

Couldn’t it be something just a FRACTION more fun, like sexy body language or charismatic conversation skills???

I know, I know. Humility. Très BORING!

But let’s take a closer look…

When I think of unquestioningly confident women, just a handful of the examples that come to mind are:

  • Michelle Obama
  • Mother Teresa
  • Eleanor Roosevelt
  • Colette
  • Amelia Earhart


What do these powerhouses all have in common?

A.) They stood for what they believed in more than they wanted people to like them.

B.) They took the risk of sharing their art, be it activism or aviation, on a global scale, even though to do so must have felt like having your skin ripped off and your flesh laid bare for all to see.

C.) Most of all, they wanted to connect more than they wanted to look cool. 

I’ve spent so much time in my life, like many of us, trying to look cool in order to feel confident.

You know what that Resting Bitch Face bought me?

A bunch of fucking wrinkles. 

Sacred Seduction® is actually founded on humility, because is Sacred Seduction® is defined as attraction though authenticity.  

An example from my own life: I’ve started attending a really challenging yoga class once a week.  When I say really challenging, I mean that every single person in there could probably toss a pizza with their bare feet during headstand. 

 And then there is little old me, so PROUD I can finally flip my downward dog into a Wild Thing Pose.  When I first started attending, the temptation to power through stone faced, pretending I’m not on the verge of tearing my bicep muscles with each chaturanga was there profoundly. 

But instead, I chose to offer smiles to every one of those lean, mean, yoga machines when I walked in the room.  Very few of them ever smile back, but I don’t care.  In choosing to connect rather than compete, I am free to enjoy the class on my own terms, one sweet knees-chest-chin at a time.

Humility is the freedom of walking into a bar and feeling more interested in the people and things my eyes are resting on, than in how many eyes are resting on me.

It’s rocking grungy flip flops at a barn dance party in the middle of nowhere, just as hard as you would rock red and black heart-toe Loubitons (OMG) on the mahogany floor of The Rainbow Room.

These things are so simple, and yet, so not easy. 

Hence, why seduction is truly a spiritual practice.

And humility is the ultimate seductive sweet spot. (click to tweet!)

It means you have nothing to prove, and by virtue, it proves that you must be pretty fucking cool.

SPOTLIGHT ONTO YOU MY TREASURES:

What does humility mean to you? Can the words seductive and humility co-exist in the same sentence? Do tell in the comments.   I hang on your every word. 

Wild Thing, I Think I Love You,

 

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A LITERAL LOVE POTION IN YOUR VERY OWN HANDS

SELF MASSAGE IMAGE

Hello Scrumptious Soul,  

Last night I was up late putting the finishing touches on the Beauty Queen course, which begins tomorrow.  The piece I was working was the routine for self-massage.  I am so fucking passionate about the physical practice of self-love, and and I want to share something very special with you from the workbook:

Imagine how much more peaceful this world would be if all of us received daily massage. Massage lowers the heart rate, rejuvenates the mind, reduces depression, increases mental clarity, increases circulation, moves stagnant energy, reduces stress, decreases cortisol, increases serotonin and so much more. Sounds like someone you’d want to go on a date with, yes?  

Self- massage has all of these same benefits, PLUS it fosters a deep, intimate, physical form of self-love.  Loving your body is not just a mental state, it is a physical experience.  Have you ever had a moment of holding hands with someone and on a biological level you feel yourself bonding? That is because there is a hormonal cascade of oxytocin, the hormone of devotion, love and bonding, being released ecstatically into your blood stream. In nursing homes when dogs are brought in to visit the patients, it creates an improvement in their overall health. Babies who are born prematurely gain weight faster when they are held and massaged. It’s like like a literal love potion in your very own hands.

The same exact process happens when we perform self- massage. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING compares to getting in there, squeezing, touching, caressing, and dragging my fingernails across my own skin.  It is literal love made flesh.  After all, when you love someone, the first thing you do when you see them is give them a hug. Why would the rules of loving yourself be any different?

And that’s really it right there.  My mission with Sacred Seduction® is to create a feminine spiritual practice that is fun, fulfilling and DEAD SEXY.  Self-care can be so BORING sometimes, my God! What if self-care was a total turn on? What if you felt a flutter an the bottom of your heart when thinking about your self-love practices, the same kind you feel when you are about to kiss someone?

I have spent my entire life trying to heal the relationship with my body by changing the thoughts of my mind.  Read that sentence one more time.  Body.  Mind.  Wouldn’t it have made more sense to include my actual body in the equation, rather than just dwell in the wounds between my ears?

The female body has been desecrated and robbed of it’s divinity for the last 5,000 years. Isn’t that long enough? Beauty is how we return to reverence. It is how we take back the power of the feminine, i.e. the power of CREATION, and allow that creative power to show proudly on the inside AND the outside. It has absolutely nothing to do with how you look to another person (except for the fact that the more art there is in the world, the more calm and peaceful we become.) Take for example this excerpt from a blog I wrote about an experience I had just moments after my father had died:

In that somber and swollen moment just after his spirit had left his body, it naturally felt like some sort of prayer was in order, however I don’t really pray with words.  I find them cumbersome and complicating in moments such as these. Personally, I pray with beauty.

I took a yellow rose I had brought from home and peeled off the petals one by one. Each petal was a prayer of love, a tangible tribute to his physical form. I then took an essential oil blend called “release”, and I anointed his forehead, followed by the bottoms his feet, symbolizing my prayer for him to have a smooth transition, and letting him know he was free.

Beauty takes moments that could be riddled with and darkness, and miraculously, it lets in the light.  Without beauty, this memory could have been a trauma in itself-. But because of beauty, I will always remember my Dad’s body in that tender moment, shining as beautifully as a bright yellow rose.

Adorning, polishing, tending and honoring the temple of your soul.  

THAT is what it means to be a Beauty Queen.

We start tomorrow, and I would be honored to have you as part of this royal assembly. Join us now! 

 

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“Excuse Me, Would You Help Me Find My Clothes?” I said.

FLOWER BATH

One night, I went swimming under a moon so bright you would swear it was dawn at 12am. I was naked in the warm ocean surrounded by friends. On the beach was a crowd of about 100 people, all getting high off the vibrant moonlight. As I emerged from the waves like a mermaid, I saw this really hot guy. So I walked straight up to him (me naked, him fully clothed) and said:

“Excuse me, I can’t seem to find my clothes. Would you be so kind as to help me look?”

(SIDE NOTE: I knew exactly where my clothes were the whole time.)

After making that brazen move I felt more radiant than ever before in my life. Not because of how I looked, but because of how I felt. It is what I deem to be True Beauty.

You know, the kind of beauty that happens when you take a risk and your cheeks flush. Or when a friend hears you are sick and brings you flowers, which are beautiful to begin with, but when laden with love are downright sacrosanct.

But that’s not really the way we approach beauty in our culture. In fact, our understanding of the joy it can bring to our lives has been whittled down to the width of a razor. These fucked up beliefs about beauty hold us back in ways we don’t even comprehend. They limit our power, joy, pleasure, creativity and confidence.

It makes you want to throw your hands up and abandon the beauty industry all together. But don’t throw your false lashes on a bonfire just yet, my love.

A simple shift of perspective can change everything.

For example, think of how many times in your life you have mindlessly put on lipstick. What if lipstick was a prayer of tribute to that which shapes the expression of your truth through words – i.e. your lips? What if applying the color red was not just about making your lips pop, but about the fact that red is the only adornment befitting of these portals of your power and passion?

I once had a boyfriend who said to me “I usually don’t like makeup on women. But it’s not the makeup on you that is beautiful, it’s the look on your face when you wear it.”

This was a grand compliment. It let me know he was seeing more than my prettiness, he was seeing my ART.

There is an artist in all of us.  But for most of us that artist is hidden and starving.

It’s time for that to change RIGHT  NOW.

In the Beauty Queen course, which starts this weekend, I teach you all the “rules” of a great beauty ritual; how to draw straight eyeliner, whether or not eye creams are worth the money,  how to do a complete at-home spa like a professional, etc. But it’s not the rules that interest me. 

It’s breaking the rules that really turns me on, and I want to give you the education and permission that will make your creativity SOAR.

Your ritual should be one of joy, fun, delight, creativity and EMPOWERMENT.

After all, you do it every single day of your life.

Together, let’s put the power of  beauty back where it belongs, in your own hands.

Enrollment closes in just a few days, the time is now.

Click here and join us!

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PS – Want a taste of Beauty Queen and how it can change your life? Click here to sign up for my free class “Eyeliner As A Means To Enlightenment” before it’s gone!

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Who Does Your Beauty Really Belong To?

 

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I recently received a question from a student that tugged at my heartstrings.

“How do we use feminine beauty for our own power and not attract unwanted attention from men?”

Ooof. I hear you sister.

And I’m so glad you asked.

It speaks directly to the heart of why I do what I do.

I want to talk to you about OWNERSHIP.

What does it mean to actually OWN something?

The most simple answer: it’s yours.

Ownership means it belongs to YOU.

That means you don’t have to share it if you don’t want to. And you take it with you wherever you go.

Ownership means no one can take that thing away from you, because it is YOURS.

When it comes to a woman’s beauty however, it’s often not that simple.

A woman is taught that the power of her beauty belongs to the gaze of someone else.  She is also taught that if she uses the right products that will keep her young, she will stay attractive, further reinforcing the idea that her beauty lives in the hands of something other than who she is.

Is it just me or are we chasin’ our tail here?

Friends, please listen up….

Cleopatra didn’t wear eyeliner to make herself look more coy.

She lined her eyes black with kohl to say “Look at me f*ckers.  Look. Stare into the portals of my soul, because I have a mission on this planet, and you are witnessing it in action right now.”

Diana Vreeland did not adorn herself with outrageous originality because she wanted to “look good.”  She did it because her soul would have perished had she not.  

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Beauty, like seduction, is actually a feminist art, when you take the power of it back into your own hands.

This pursuit has been a life long love affair for me. I have been a part of the professional beauty industry since I was 17 years old.  For the last 16 years I have relentlessly explored not just the science of beauty, but the creative power and pleasure that it can provide.

And I want to share everything I know with YOU.

Today enrollment for  my most popular program Beauty Queen, opens for ONE WEEK ONLY.

There are thousands of tutorials out there that will teach you how to get your eyeliner straight or choose the right lipstick for your skin tone. 

No tutorial will teach you how to reinvent yourself every single day. 

No tutorial will offer you 24/7 Q and A support.

No tutorial will give you a community of kick ass babes who blow though B.S. beauty ideals and make up their own rules everyday.

But Beauty Queen will.

I guarantee it. 

Click this link and LET’S GO.

 

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Eyeliner As A Means To Enlightenment

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Dear Turtle Doves,

Last week when I was having A DAY, a friend texted me to ask how I was doing.  I texted back with the image above on the left. After one long cry, some deep conversation, a tie-front top and some tulip pink lipstick, I texted the image on the right as a follow up a few hours later.

It is truly amazing how investing time and attention to beauty can give my mood, my outlook and my confidence a 360° makeover. It’s not because I’ve made myself look more “presentable”. Beauty rituals give me the space to luxuriate in deep creativity, with my own body as a canvas to my art. 

I was raised a good little catholic girl who ran barefoot through the woods on the weekends.  Lipstick, glamour, high heels, and sensual beauty was reserved for a different type of woman than the one I was expected to be.  (That type of woman being a SLUT.)

As an adult, learning the craft of beauty has been a great act of individuation and claiming my true self.  It has freed me to leave behind the girl I was raised to be, in order to create the woman I was born to become.   This is a crucial shift: to realize that your beauty is not there to please someone else, it is there for your creative pleasure, to adorn and ornament the powerful, magnificent, feminine creature that you are. 

For most of us however, our beauty rituals have been robbed of their goddess given joy because of the lies we’ve been told by the media and beauty industry, many of which are sneaky tactics to secretly erode your confidence and make you buy their product!  

Well, when it comes to brainwashing, I’D LIKE TO TURN YOU ON TO A DIFFERENT KIND OF SHAMPOO.

This week I will be hosting a live class called Eyeliner: A Means To Enlightenment, and I would love to have you there as my guest.  In this hour I will teach you:

  • The truth about beauty: what our ancestors knew, how things have changed, and how to reclaim your beauty as a source of creative power
  • How to choose your products based on your own VALUES, rather than what the industry tells you you should buy
  • How to use a mirror in the way it was originally intended: as a source of sly pleasure, rather than a tool of constant criticism
  • My personal “quickies”, short, fast tips and practices that will instantly connect you to the sacred power of adornment
  • A special ritual to start fresh with your adornment practice, and go forward to beautify yourself with courage, authentic expression and deep self-love

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This is an exclusive education that you won’t find ANYWHERE ELSE.

Join us for this power hour of love & lip gloss – click here to reserve your spot now!

 

 

 

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If You Ever Feel Like The Anti-Seduction…

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Recently I experienced a pretty traumatic event in my life, and currently I feel like lighthouse that is out of service on a foggy night. My normal spiritual tools of cheering myself up with red lipstick, big adventures, grand dinner parties and dancing the night away could not be further from my mind. And that is just fine by me.

Today I was in a coffee shop and there was an adorable, chirpy little barista taking orders. I walked up to the counter looking like Baba Yaga herself (pictured above), the ultimate iconic hag witch. The barista chirped away lovingly trying to infect me with her joy.  In fact, there were hot, attractive people all around the coffee shop, each saying good morning to me, making eye contact, smiling and the like.

I wanted to slap them all.

Actually that’s not true.  I didn’t want to slap them, I just didn’t want them near me.  I just didn’t want anything or anyone near me other than a small circle of family and friends that I know and trust.

It is no secret or surprise that feeling sad, angry and alone is not exactly honored in our world, collectively or individually.  No one is immune from the impulse to pop a pill, buy a self help book, or bully themselves into “being more grateful” to try to escape the feeling of sadness and self-pity. 

But there is a big difference between wallowing in self-pity and marinating in the truth of how you feel. (click to tweet!)

QUOTE. THE TRUTH OF HOW YOU FEEL

 

I define Sacred Seduction as attraction through authenticity. Right now, I feel decidedly un-attractive. Opportunities, people, chances to be happy or “cheer up” are passing me by like cars speeding down a highway, and I am completely content to remain here in my lawn chair watching them pass, not feeling attract-ive or attract-ed to a single thing.

True seduction is an act of surrendering to your own true nature. And like all things in nature, seduction is cyclical.  It cannot be rushed. To do so would be like showing up to your own birthday party while your friends are still hanging the decorations. You’ll be disappointed, they’ll be pissed. So for today, though it is uncomfortable, I am content to wallow in this silky darkness, knowing that my willingness to do so is the exact lubricant necessary to move me closer to next phase of coming alive again.

Now, I turn the spotlight to you in the comments:

How do you practice soaking up your darkness like a sponge? What are your methods and tools for trying to feel deeper, rather than just trying to feel better?  I read every one of your comments, and would be so grateful to hear your wisdom.

With my best Baba Yaga bad breath,

KITTY_CAVALIER_ICON(1)

 

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Lullabies, Lipstick & Erotic Tarot: July Swoon Is here!

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The July Edition of Swoon is hot off the press my pets!  This monthly feature includes a steamy line up of products, articles, oddities and adventures that currently tickle me pink.

Enjoy, and as always, stay swoonable!


 

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  • I admit it.  I am one of those people who feels like they are accomplishing something when they add things to a Pintrest board, even if that board has no relevance other that collecting images of beauty.  My current three favorite boards are Beauty, Whimsy, and Kitty Style. Enjoy!

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  • Secret trick for sleepy time: play the Pandora Lullaby station while getting ready for bed.  Even your yawns will look cuter.
  • If you’ve never watched the Burlesque Hall Of Fame’s Vimeo Channel, you are in for a serious treat! SO many legends at the top of their form.  Prepare to be dazzled!
  • Your party guests will never stop talking about the erotic Tarot Reading they received when you bust out  “Le Tarot des Femmes Erotiques.” Absolutely spellbinding.

 

*P.S. – Do you have a product or offering you’d like to see featured in Swoon? I love featuring and supporting small businesses and crafters! Email me at kitty@kittycavalier.com and let’s talk.

 

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The Proudest Moment Of My Life

When my father passed away after a bicycle accident two years ago, we had 72 hours to spend with him before he passed.  He was unconscious for most of it.  People are often aghast when they hear the story of how suddenly it all happened, but actually, having those precious three days felt almost luxurious.  I believe his final act of kindness was staying alive so that we could take the time we needed to process and say goodbye.

In that somber and swollen moment just after his spirit had left his body, it naturally felt like some sort of prayer was in order, however I don’t really pray with words.  I find them cumbersome and complicating in moments such as these. Personally, I pray with beauty.

I took a yellow rose I had brought from home and peeled off the petals one by one. I created a makeshift basket out of tri-fold hospital paper towels and walked around his bed, adorning his body.  Each petal was a prayer of love, a tangible tribute to his physical form.

I then took an essential oil blend called “release”, and I anointed his forehead, followed by the bottoms his feet, symbolizing my prayer for him to have a smooth transition, and letting him know he was free.

Beauty takes moments that could be riddled with and darkness, and miraculously, it lets in the light.  

Without beauty, this memory could have been a trauma in itself. But because of beauty, I will always remember my Dad’s body shining as beautifully as a bright yellow rose.

Beauty not only heals, it entices. For example, this week I got invited to two co-working dates.  One took place in a crowded, noisy coffee shop a few minutes from my house.  The other, hosted by my friend Marianne, was about a 30-minute drive through the mountains.  Marianne’s invitation however, featured homemade zucchini fritters followed by a visit to a nearby swimming hole where the water is so clear you can see straight to the bottom.

It was an easy choice to make.

Beauty can take a dull and ordinary workday, and transform it into something romantic, memorable, and extraordinary.

So the next time you feel the urge to put a wedge of lime in your water glass, light a candle next to your bedside, wear lipstick for no reason or take yourself out to a fancy dinner just because it’s Tuesday, please remember that these things are not frivolous, or silly, or a waste of time.

Indeed, beauty is what you were designed for. (click to tweet!)

BEAUTY IS WHAT YOU WERE DESIGNED FOR. QUOTE

Oh so Fondly,

KITTY_CAVALIER_ICON(1)

 

 

Image by Becca Kannapell

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Sex With A Salmon

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Tonight, I had sex with a salmon.

I let it enter me, tease me, and seduce me all the way to the center of my guts.

I’m talking about my dinner of course.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the topic of entering, penetration, communion. 

Sometimes when I eat dinner I look mindlessly at my phone.  But when I think about it, if I was in bed being penetrated by a lover, I would never be checking social media.

So why should it be any different with my dinner?

I owe it to this salmon to wrap my lips around it. 

To open WIDE.

To let the oxygen fill my mouth, making this a glorious threesome.

To feel the reciprocity between my taste buds leaning forward, and the salmon diving headfirst towards my tongue, offering me ecstasy in the flesh, even in it’s death.

It reminds me of when I made my first communion.  I went to church for 10 days in a row just to feel the unity of my budding senses with my roaring spirit…over….and over…and over again.

I give myself to this penetration of flavor as deeply as it gives itself to me.

And in doing so, I am reminded of the reason we call it “saying grace.”

Image: Vera Lair via Stocksy

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