The Pace Of Grace

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Ribbon Curls,

Recently I was on the phone with a girlfriend who is going through a really tough, WTF, skin-on-fire kind of breakup. 


When I asked her how she would like to be supported, she opted for feedback. “As trite as it sounds, what if we just took this a day at a time?” I asked. 


“A day at a time??” she yelled back. “Every day I wake up in hell, then stay in hell all day, then pray for sleep until 4am, then I wake up in hell all over again! Why would I take this a day at a time when every single day SUCKS!?” 


It was a very, very valid point. 


“Okay….” I replied, “How about one minute at a time? What if for the next 60 seconds, we just sit here together and breathe?

I know it won’t take the pain away. I know it won’t change things. But I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. And I know we can get through the next 60-seconds if we do it together. Ready?”


Our one minute came and went. 


It wasn’t easy. 


It wasn’t pretty. 


But we made it through. Together. 


This my friends, is the pace of grace. 


The pace of grace doesn’t happen in grand sweeps.

It happens one breath, one minute, one heartbeat at a time. Like a baby’s toenails.  


I know it sounds funny, but come on! Baby toenails don’t get there because of one bold wave of The Toenail Fairy’s wand! They gracefully grow one heartbeat, one breath, one moment at a time. 


May we all remember, that all great things are created one breath, one heartbeat, one moment at a time.

Inhaling + Exhaling,


KITTY_CAVALIER_ICON(1)

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The Winding Road To Redemption

catholic school image and swingsetIt is the spring of 1987, and I am 7 years old. I am sitting in a church pew, waiting to be called to make the sacrament of penance for the first time. I am a Supercatholic, often fantasizing about joining a convent when I get older. I love God. I am never without my children’s bible. I am JAZZED for this moment.

I feel beautiful and glamorous as I climb the marble steps towards the confessional in my white JC Penney dress and patent leather Mary Janes. I step into the confessional and choose to see the priest face to face rather than behind a screen. The old, wooden kneeler creaks under my knees as they sink into the velvet pillow that covers it. With poise and respect, I inform the priest of my sins. I tell him that the night before I stole a cookie from the cookie jar. I tell him that that morning I did a cartwheel in the kitchen, which I am strictly forbidden to do. I tell him that I spend way too much time outside because I love being on my swingset so much, and when my mother calls me to come inside, I sometimes ignore her.

He instructs me to say three Hail Mary’s and an Act of Contrition for my “sins”. Then and there I decide: if I feel good in my body, it must mean I am doing something VERY BAD.


It is 1999. I am 19 years old, and I am having sex for the second time in my life. I do not really know this man, or like him that much, but the remnants of my virginity feel like a drastically out of style jacket that I am desperate to shirk off. 


Because I have no voice yet, I do not speak up about my discomfort with having the lights on. As we lay there, both of us trying to figure out what to do, I feel awkward and ashamed. As we move I can feel my breasts and belly shaking, quite literally, like a bowl full of jelly.

I am quite certain this jiggle I feel is not what female bodies are supposed to do when they are having sex. If I can’t speak up about the lights, I certainly can’t speak up about how I’m feeling, so I cover my torso with my hands and arms. I look away, and I let my body speak for me.

rk169-4c5bf1c8-ebf9-486e-9b6d-46c18c6c0354-v2It is 2005. I am standing under a hot spotlight at The Slipper Room in New York City, and my heart is beating out of my chest. Hundreds of eyes are on only me. As a trumpet wails, I slyly remove my bra underneath the cover of a big white feather fan. The music climbs, and when it reaches it’s peak I give a sly look to the audience. I drop the fan. Underneath I am wearing tasseled nipple covers that sparkle like a starry night. I shimmy my shoulders, and the tassels spin in opposite directions. The audience goes NUTS, and I feel like a human version of the New Year’s Eve crystal ball; shining and unapologetic, a sacred symbol of celebration, and proud of all that I am.

It is 2017. I am sitting on the floor of a 17th century Tuscan villa. A fire blazes in the fireplace, and the light of a full moon streams in through floor to ceiling windows. Around me, ten women are gathered on plush couches in the drawing room. I am seated on a luxurious blanket with a large mirror before me, about to demonstrate the ritual that has become my church. Warm, comforting candles flicker around the room like guardian angels, and the song Ave Maria bounces off the ancient stone walls.

I allow my robe to drop from my shoulders, and my naked body is revealed. I look deeply into my own eyes until I can see eternity inside of them. I pour warm oil into my cupped hands, and they become both pilgrim and priestess as they glide over my skin. There is no place my hands or eyes are afraid to go. This body is my home, after all.

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The path of my spiritual life has not been the straight line my 7-year old self expected it to be. It has been circuitous and labyrinthine. I have climbed literal mountains and traveled thousands of miles looking for God, chasing that lighting bolt moment of spiritual awakening.

It is only when I have stopped searching, and summoned the courage to see God in my very own eyes and flesh, that I feel not only the lighting bolt, but the thunder, the sunshine and the rain along with it.

My greatest hope is that every woman in the world can feel this sense of rapture upon the sight of her own flesh. But how can we, when the only lessons we are given about the female body are how to criticize it, minimize it, deodorize it, and sterilize it of the most holy thing it contains: our humanity? 

That is exactly why I created the program Body Church.

In Body Church we go deeper than just changing the beliefs in your mind, because in order to change the way you feel in your body, you have to involve your body in the process.

You receive 16 interactive mini-lessons, a 40 page full color workbook, and thriving online community. When you sign up today, you will receive the additional bonuses of a free copy of my book, a live kick-off call with me and the group, and $100 off the tuition.

There are payment plans available, and the course comes with a 100% satisfaction guarantee.

This special introductory savings expires tomorrow night, so click here to take advantage of it now.

What we regard as sacred we intuitively respect.

What we respect, we instinctively protect.

body church enroll now
TAKE BACK THE KEYS TO YOUR OWN TEMPLE,  & JOIN BODY CHURCH TODAY!

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The Original Supermodels (& A Liberating Mini-Lesson)

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Peppermint Sticks,


I have always been OBSESSED with the music video of George Michael’s song “Freedom.” In the video he featured five of the most prestigious supermodels of the 90’s lip syncing his legendary tune in crisp white shirts and steamy bathtubs. 


We may think supermodels are a phenomenon dating back to the 1970’s, but worship of the female form goes back way farther than that. 


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Take this blond Betty on the right for example, the famous sculpture of Venus of Willendorf. It’s TWENTY FIVE THOUSAND YEARS OLD.

Venus is round, ripe, full and voluptuous. Like a heavy Tuscan fig that draws the branch closer to the earth with the weight of it’s nectar, her curves symbolize the abundance and fertility of the earth itself. Just like the Italian hills, you could get lost in her for days.

The Minoan snake Goddess (pictured left) is a mere 5000 years old by comparison. With bare breasts, a snake in each hand and a cat on her head, she is the definition of fierce. She embodies a woman’s ability to shed her skin and reinvent at a moments notice, all while wearing a pleated, floor-length metal skirt.

As I said, worship of the female form is nothing new. What IS NEW is the lens through which that worship is being delivered and designed; otherwise known as “The Male Gaze.”

The Male Gaze is a feminist theory which states that because we live in a patriarchal culture, we cannot help but see ourselves and each other through the toxic lens of patriarchal control. 


The Male Gaze is not just something that lives in men, it is something that lives in all of us. 


Let’s look at an example:


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If we look at this advertisement from the male perspective, we see that if he purchases this antiperspirant, he will have his primal need for nourishment addressed by that giant turkey, as well as his primal sexual needs taken care of by this woman’s body. Notice that we don’t see the actual woman in this image, we see her as a caricature, a product to be consumed, just like the turkey in her hands. 


From the female perspective, we see that if we conform to the standards of this image, our sense of power will drastically increase. Why? Because when men control the leadership positions in government, the economy and world religions, being wanted by those in power (men) makes us more powerful by default.

This information may make you want to scream, rage, cry, and spit on the ground. I support you in all of these. But the question remains, how do we unplug from this Matrix we know as the Male Gaze and reclaim dignity when it comes to the female form?

Rebellion is important and necessary, but even more important than our rebellion, is our commitment to reverence.

Here’s the deal:

What we regard as sacred, we intuitively respect.

What we respect, we instinctively protect.

That is exactly why I created Body Church, a powerful 8-week course that will teach you how to create a loving, reverent, respectful relationship with your body.

This course goes deeper than changing the beliefs in your mind. 


To change the way you feel in your body, you have to involve your body in the process. 


That is why every exercise in this program is a physical, tangible practice that will teach you how to move like meditation, how to worship your reflection in the mirror, how to view pleasure as a form of prayer, and so much more. 


There are 16 interactive mini-lessons, a 40 page full color workbook, and thriving online community. When you sign up today, you will receive the additional bonuses of my book Sacred Seduction, a live kick off call with me and the group, and $100 off the tuition. 


Now, I know what you might be thinking. 


“But Kitty, it’s the holidays! All my money is going to buying “stuff”, and all my time is going to other people!”

I hear you sister. 


On a logistical note, please know that this course can be done completely at your own pace and you are supported every step of the way. 


Additionally, right now you can get Body Church for only $197. That’s $100 off the regular price of $297. There are payment plans available, and the course comes with a 100% satisfaction guarantee. 


But more importantly, I would like you to consider that there is no greater gift you can give yourself or the people you love than your calm, confident, focused, present attention.

The greatest cost of subconscious negativity towards your body is the way these thoughts steal your precious attention away from the things you really care about. 


I would be so delighted to support you this season in taking back the keys to your very own temple. 


Click here to join us in Body Church today.

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Body Church Is Now Open!

Question for you darling…

Raise your hand if you’ve had this experience:

Suddenly out of nowhere, you feel an unexpected, unwelcome wave of culturally inherited body shame.

“WTF is this?” you think.

You know that body shame is bullshit. You’re an evolved, self loving person, dammit. But it’s a feeling you can’t quite seem to shake.

Now, not only are you feeling body shame, but you feel shame ABOUT your body shame!!

It’s all.

So.

EXHAUSTING.

As a someone who couldn’t take a shower without feeling traumatized by my own nudity ten years ago, to being an international burlesque performer and sensuality teacher today, let me tell you something:

Love for our bodies is not something we can will ourselves to feel.

What we can do, is rewire ourselves treat our bodies with deep reverence and respect.

What we respect, we instinctively love and protect.

That is why I am so proud today to bring you a brand new kind of course called Body Church.

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Body Church is a program that has been six years in the making. I’ve taken the most transformative exercises from my entire body of work, many of which I normally only teach in-person, and distilled them into one powerful program.

When you feel at home in your body, you feel at home in the world.

Click here to give your body the reverence and respect she deserves with Body Church.

P.S. – for a limited time you can get Body Church for $100 off. This is a special introductory savings, click here to claim yours now!

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Your Sensual Holiday (Free Guide)

YOUR FREE GUIDE TO A SENSUAL HOLIDAY


Turtle Doves,

As the holiday approaches, I’m here with a little P.S.A. (Public Seduction Announcement), to remind you that a little sexiness can go a long way in making your day fun, easy and pleasure filled. 

I’m not talking about wearing lingerie and a giant pair of angel wings to dinner though.  (unless ya want to!) 

That would be the stereotype of sexy.

What I’m talking about is the natural sexiness of life itself. 

The way your eyes close in delight as buttery sweet potatoes melt on your tongue.

Savoring the touch of linen under your fingertips as you gracefully unfold a napkin and place it on your lap. (Lucky napkin.)

Having the courage to make eye contact with others, and speak from an honest, open heart.

Sexiness (as nature intended it) is simply enjoying the seduction of life through the senses. 

And to celebrate, I’ve created a beautiful guide for you with  25 Ways To Enjoy A Sensual Holiday.

CREATE A SENSUAL HOLIDAY BUTTON

Enjoy it my beauties, and enjoy the day.

I’m so grateful for you.

With Love,

KITTY_CAVALIER_ICON(1)

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It Can Wait

it can wait. quote

click to tweet!

Just a reminder beauty…

That almost anything can wait the span of a few breaths, or a few minutes.

Repeating the mantra “it can wait”, and then pausing to feel, listen, and breathe can reset your entire nervous system.

It tells the pestering voice of excessive ambition who’s really in charge. 

It is an investment in your ability to focus and prioritize what really matters. 

Being able to stop, feel and focus is an extremely attractive trait.

Not to mention, it is very brave. 

And if there is one thing I know you are, it is brave. 

Happy Sunday lovers, I believe in you.

Love,

KITTY_CAVALIER_ICON(1)

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Sensation Is An Education


sensation is an education. kitty quote

click to tweet!

Just a reminder beauty…

That sensation is an education.

Have you ever seen a sommelier at work?

Someone who knows wine so intimately, their life’s work is study its nuance?

It is an art form to be sure.

It is an art form to be sure.

That same level of mastery is not only possible with your body, it is your birthright.

What sensations do you notice in your body when you feel safe?

What sensations do you notice when you are genuinely relaxed? Not numbed out, but truly relaxed?

How does it feel in your body when you say yes because you truly want something, vs. saying yes because it is easier than saying no?

How does it feel in your body when you let yourself be vulnerable and tell the truth, vs. how it feels when you are faking it?

Knowing these sensations and experiences on a PHYSICAL level provides very valuable information.

The more deeply you understand the sensations in your body, the more agency you have in your life.

Don’t get me wrong – the point is not to be aware and awake 1000% of the time and never go on auto-pilot again. (We would probably combust if that were the case.)

The point is to know your body as much as you can, as well as you can, because knowing sensation allows us to make choices from a more educated place.

So pay attention my sweet; to the professor of your heart, the scholar inside your belly, the wizard in your mind, the sorceress in your pelvis.

School is in SESSION.

Love,
KITTY_CAVALIER_ICON(1)

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A Pizza Seduction Miracle

Sweet Friends,

As the founder of Sacred Seduction, if there is one thing that is missing in sensual my repertoire it is the ability to cook.

I have tried really hard to find the sensuality in cooking. I yearn to swirl the perfect handful of oregano into a steaming pot of marinara, seduce the pasta water with just the right amount of salt, and get high off the fragrance of basil leaves as I tear them one by one.

But whether it is by nature or nurture, I just….don’t.

I have learned accept that I am an artist with many things, but food just doesn’t happen to be one of them.

Then, Italy happened.

Oh my loves, I had no idea what I was in for.

I have so much to tell to you about the Sacred Seduction Tuscany Retreat.

(Which I will in a week or two when enrollment opens for 2018! Click here to get on the waitlist, this retreat sells out quickly!)

But for right now, I want to tell you about a miracle that happened when I got back.

Said miracle is pictured above: a pear and gorgonzola pizza, THAT I MADE MYSELF.

This pizza my friends, is a true Sacred Seduction.

See, I’ve been trying to make myself enjoy cooking since my easy bake oven days (a toy which, after tasting those pan brownies, I did not understand AT ALL.) I’ve bought fancy cookbooks and even fancier aprons. I’ve tried writing out my weekly menu in French and posting it in my kitchen like a Paris bistro.

All of these things inched me along on the path, but it was listening to the more grand seduction of going to Italy that has caused this more everyday seduction to now feel effortless.

This is a perfect example of the way in which pleasure begets pleasure, and seduction begets seduction.

When you listen to one deep, lifelong desire, it lubricates the way for others to naturally follow suit. (click to tweet!) 

Now, I am aware of a little thing we call the honeymoon period. This is not my first European rodeo!

Which is why I’m going back to Italy as soon as humanly possible! Click here to get on the waitlist and be the first to know when about how to join the next Tuscan adventure.

Buon Apetito,

KITTY_CAVALIER_ICON(1)

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SWOON OCTOBER: Moonlight & Pillow Fights

Swoon by Kitty Cavalier

Pumpkin Seeds,

It is with great pleasure that I bring you the October edition of Swoon!Swoon is a monthly feature of all things currently tickling my fancy, that I think will tickle you in just the right places too.

This month we have classy dames, pinup pillow fights, things that will make your heart sparkle and swell, and more.  Enjoy your swooning my darlings!


 

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The nighttime is the right time to salute the moon!   I’m really enjoying easing my way through this moon salutation by candlelight to settle into my evening.  (P.S. Current yoga song obsession – Explorers of Infinity.)

I think that lunch is actually our most important meal, as it offers us an oasis of pleasure in the middle of the day. Let’s snazz it up sister with these simple but elegant recipes. 

Check out these cheeky record covers for instant, awesome, apartment glam!  I am eyeing that cover of “A Star Is Born!”

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This divine wrap, inspired by Phryne Fisher, is a statement piece indeed. What statement do you think it makes?

A sweet and touching peek into the tender beauty of new motherhood, Caroline Hardin writes 100 letters to her baby girl and shares them candidly on Instagram. Pass the hand-embroidered hanky please!

What’s more fun than a pin-up pillow fight? A pin-up pillow fight in the SHOWER, that’s what!

IMG_9814Because we can never have enough Ageless Grace in this world, now can we?

This gives me a tremendous amount of inspiration and hope for changing our relationship to work/life balance and encouraging more holidays!

 Interesting ponderings on the impact that internet use has on not just our minds but on our bellies.

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I’m in the process of  turning a corner of my home into a dedicated Qoya space.  I have a plush fuchsia carpet on the way and plan to hang this lovely addition above my altar.  Color explosion!

I recently saw a wall covered in several sets of these delightful paper fans and it made my heart SING!   Inexpensive and inventive – my favorite combo!

Your index finger feels like it’s missing something too? Well, good news! I found what we’ve been looking for! 

 


Sharing is sexy.

Click here to share swoon with a friend via Facebook or Twitter!

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The Most Rewarding Spiritual Quest Of My Life

shutterstock_16970866Honeycombs,

Today I want to tell you a story about a practice that has been the most challenging and the most rewarding spiritual quest of my life.

It’s called: meditation. :)

Now before you go and puke (like I would have done a year ago) please hear me out.

When I first started practicing meditation about a year ago, it was a rocky road. Some days would be glorious, and I would soak up the quiet space between my thoughts the way crusty bread soaks up a green, fragrant olive oil.

Some days, my mind felt like a passenger on the Titanic scrambling to find a life boat.

Regardless, I could tell that this practice was helping. In scary and uncomfortable moments I was cultivating the tolerance to be there and not run away. What I didn’t realize was that by creating more space for quiet, I was simultaneously creating more space for beauty, honesty and a genuine pleasure the likes of which I had never known, to fill in the gaps.

I remember one night preparing to host a dinner party and I hearing a text come in from my friend Jaime. “Even though I can’t be there tonight I left a little something on the porch!” she said.

I opened my front door and tiptoed out into the summer night. Sitting there was the most brilliant, succulent bouquet of pink stargazer lilies. I scooped them up in my arms and drank in the heady, sweet fragrance of their nectar. I savored their beauty so fully it felt like my eyes were tasting them.

My heart exploded with gratitude as I let this moment of love, care and friendship penetrate me completely.

Were it not for the practice of meditation and becoming present, I would hardly have even noticed this moment of delight.

The experience would have skimmed the surface of my consciousness like a rock skipping over a lake. But because of my newfound ability to be present no matter what the circumstances, I was able to follow the rock’s journey all the way down to the sandy lake floor.

In learning to be there and not run away during times of difficulty, I was now learning how to be there in moments of profound beauty and love.

If meditation is something you haven’t found your sweet spot with, I empathize!

Meditation is not one size fits all, especially for a woman.

Women are wired for flexibility, not rigidity.

We also thrive in circles, not straight lines.

That is why every week in The Vérité Community we have 20-minute meditation calls with the whole group. Every single call is different. We connect to the present moment not just by quieting the mind but by engaging the senses, and connecting profoundly with each other.

If there is one thing this world needs, it is focused, feminine energy.

These calls are a golden way to start the week feeling grounded, supported and inspired.

(Not to mention the weekly treasure box, self care suite, community date night, and members-only retreat that are also included in Vérité membership! )

Friday is the last day to become a member.

Let’s show up for all that life has to offer, one present moment at a time.

Click here to join Vérité now!

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