The Secret To Lasting Ease


Recently I was working with a dear client who stated the desire for more ease in her life.

There are times when a person states this desire and I know that they need their hand held as we walk to the bathroom, light the candles, fill the bath tub and set a kitchen timer, so unaccustomed to self care are they.

But this particular client was already adept at self care, she was an artist of it actually.

And yet, in her voice, I heard utter exhaustion.

Not the type of exhaustion that comes from too little pleasure and rest, but the kind of exhaustion that comes from using pleasure to cover up your truth.

For example, I once had a boyfriend that let me dress him up like he was my doll.  I’d stick him in a suit and take him to the Oak Room in NYC for the fanciest of fancy dates. We’d dance, we’d dine, he’d rock his little bow tie and we’d have a grand ol’ time.

The morning after however, I would wake up feeling frustrated and empty, wondering why I felt so chronically dissatisfied with him, even though he was so willing to cater to my desires.

I now can see that I was ignoring the most important component of generating true pleasure, which is: TRUTH.

In retrospect I can see that with my date, I believed that if I just costumed him appropriately he’d become the man I was dressing him up to be.

For my client, the task of adding more pleasure to her life would in fact just be creating more work, which is the opposite of the ease she craves.

It’s like there are two tools in our tool box, the feather duster and the wrench.

The feather duster is what you use to improve a situation with your  joy, sensuality, magic and beauty.

The wrench, a.k.a. the truth, is what you use to get in there deep, using potent honesty to do some very heavy lifting.

Is one tool more powerful, more useful, or more superior than the other?

No ma’am.

A chorus line kick is just as valuable as a ninja roundhouse.

Yin and yang, full and dark moon, Madonna and whore, yoga pants and evening gown, feather duster and wrench.

As a Sacred Seductress, you are a holistic creature.  It is all of these tools, not just some of them, that create the mosaic of your beauty.

Cheering you on with a high-kick,










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The Truth I Really Don’t Want To Tell You

Okay turtledoves, it’s truth tellin’ time.

This is one I really don’t want to share.

When I first thought about sharing it, my ego thought it would make me look less credible, or that you won’t think I’m cool anymore after reading it.

But then I remembered my ego is the anti-seduction.

So, holding my nose and here goes.

Because I am a seduction teacher, people often assume I’m some master of men.  Like I can flirt with any guy or make any man want me, anytime.

Sometimes that can be true.

But the real truth is, I’m often not.

Men still scare me sometimes.  I really have to work at it to relate to them as actual humans, rather than just stereotyping them as minions of patriarchal rule.  Sometimes when I’m around men I still feel like a blubbering idiot, or I shiver like a little lamb on the inside.

I’ll admit, when I first started studying seduction it was because I wanted to feel more comfortable around men. When in the presence of a man, especially in a romantic context, those were the moments I most acutely forgot who I was, and became most cruel and mean to myself.  I could be going about my day feeling fine, but throw a sudden interaction with a guy into the mix and all of sudden I’d start calling myself fat or stupid, and feeling really insecure.

As my practice began to unfold, I realized something. Seduction as a spiritual practice wasn’t about my ability to attract another person, it was about being able to hold onto myself during an experience that triggered my most profound self-criticism.

For a long time I thought the attention of men was the barometer of my seductive power.  It reminds me of a process we call “legitimization”.

Here in the U.S. when a child is born to unmarried parents, until the father’s name is put on the birth certificate the child is considered “illegitimate”.

Dictionary synonyms for illegitimate are: unauthorized, fraudulent, non-existent.

In other words, unless a man will validate your existence, you kinda don’t even exist in the eyes of the culture!

And if Daddy decides he doesn’t want to sign the birth certificate, Mama has to go through a whole legal rigmarole to get him to do it.  (As if she doesn’t have enough on her mind already.)

That’s exactly how many of us feel about our seductive power.  Like unless someone else notices it and validates it, it must not exist.

I used to think that being a seductress meant wearing high heels every day, having sex three times a week and flirting with everything that moved.

But the real truth is, I am never not a seductress. And the same goes for you.

Whether I am dating like firestorm or haven’t entertained a gentleman caller in months, I am still a seductress.

Whether I am entertaining a room full of people or sitting in a corner struggling against the undertow of social anxiety, I am still a seductress.

Whether I am choosing to open my heart or keeping it shut tight like a steel door, I am still a seductress.

A seductress, being a woman who never doubts her powers of attraction.

A seductress being a woman who leads with her most authentic self, not because she has something to prove, but because she has something to GIVE.

A seductress being a slut minus the shame.

Not just a seductress, but a SACRED seductress.

That’s the game I’m in.

And that is how the wheel of Sacred Seduction® turns.  After admitting all this to you, I realize that my lingering fears and insecurities around men really only make me more attractive at the end of the day.

It’s always under the rock of our flaws that we’ll find our greatest assets.

How about you? Tell me in the comments, what’s one thing you struggle to own without need others’ approval?  The more we call out the B.S., the more profoundly we stand in seduction.

Flawed and Fabulous,

k swirl signature




photo by Becca Kannapell

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Lace Leggings, Venus Astrology, and Antici…pation. September Swoon Is Here!




Hello Turtle Dove!

Autumn is almost on the air! Except here in New Orleans, where the heat is as fierce as ever.  I’m writing to you from my annual New Orleans Seduction Retreat, happily anticipating 12 hot babes who have all been waiting over a YEAR for this experience.  Wowza! I can’t wait.

I’m so happy to present you with this month’s gallery galore, Swoon! Swoon is a monthly feature of all things, words, people and ideas that are currently seducing the pants off of me.

Enjoy, savor, and let me know your favorite things in the comments!


  • This pin, this pin, this pin, this pin, this pin.  Meow.
  • I love this project by Lonely Lingerie called “Lonely Girls“. It’s not the most diverse body showcase in the world, but hey, a belly roll in the hand is worth two in the bush! (Isn’t that what they say?)
  • Violet Gordon Woodhouse is one of my favorite historical seduction storie.  She was one of the most legendary musicians of her time, and was a champion of love and seduction.  Check out this article on the woman described as having “a sense of personality that made people feel they were in the audience of somebody special, a presence that demanded attention, devotion and adulation.  Her music was the expression of her personality.  She was a Queen.”



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Four Husbands & She’s Not Stopping There


Dear Seductress,

Today, I want to talk to you about something beyond just the art of seduction.  I want to talk to you about surrender.

Although, when we really look at it, is there a difference between the two?

As Albert Camus once brilliantly said “I don’t seduce, I surrender.”

When I think about some of my icons of seduction, they just also happen to be women who know how to surrender like a boss.

I think of Josephine Baker, who left the U.S. and her entire family behind to move to Paris, because the discrimination she faced at home prohibited her from becoming the legend she knew she was born to be.

I bet it was hella scary for her to get on that boat and cross the pond into the wild unknown.

But she surrendered anyway to the vibrant, eccentric, unstoppable force that she was, and followed it’s legendary lead.

I think about women like Violet Gordon-Woodhouse, who during the ultra conservative Edwardian era fell in love with four different men at the same time.

But rather than stick to social convention and just choose one, she bought a giant mansion and maintained deep love affairs with all of them under one roof, their undying love for her being the clay between the bricks of what held them all together.

The original seductresses were champions in the game of love.

But the difference is: being successful in love was never their original intention.

It was a by-product of saying yes to whatever buck ’em bronco ride following their deepest truth may have had in store.

It’s the surrender that brings the sexy.

There are at least 100 women in my life who I feel fit this profile.

And they are all alumni of my signature program Sacred Seduction® Deep Dive which closes for enrollment this Friday.

When I asked the alumni what they got from the program, the most resounding answer was this:

“I learned how to trust myself.”

Trusting yourself: the key to unshakeable confidence.

Trusting yourself: the key to feeling sexy no matter what the circumstances.

Trusting yourself:  the only way to make the right decision 100% of the time.

Trusting yourself.

So simple, but so not easy.

Effort on the other hand: super easy.

But effort can only get you so far.

At a certain point, working hard to transform or improve yourself becomes unsustainable, and it’s time to look within for a deeper reservoir from which to source your confidence and wisdom.

And that is exactly why I created Deep Dive. To give you the support you need to pull back the layers on the jewel of authenticity that lives inside you.

The part that requires no effort to shine.

Only deep, uninhibited surrender.

Because I know that the parts of you that lay most hidden are the parts most deserving of the spotlight.

And it’s time to bring them out, center stage, where they belong.
Ready to be brave? I know you are.

The moment you sign up is the moment the transformation begins.


Let’s make this happen.

Click here, let’s meet at your place.


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How To Talk About Farting And Still Be Sexy


I love the tradition of going around a circle on a person’s birthday, each friend sharing something they love about the birthday girl/boy.  Last night at my own birthday dinner, my wonderful friends spoiled me with words so decadent, it felt like eating macaroons and drinking champagne at the top of the Eiffel Tower.

One friend said “You are the only person I know who can wear a sequin bombshell dress and talk about farting to a room full of people at a party, and still be enchanting.”

We all laughed…because it’s so TRUE.

I talk about farting alot because I fart alot.  And I think it’s really funny! I have the kind of farts that are loud and proud and sound like a duck during mating season.  It’s truly hilarious.

You don’t have to talk about farting at a party in order to be sexy. (How’s that for a seduction tip?)

But you do have to be true to who you are.  No matter how eccentric that may be.

There is this assumption that in order to be “in the feminine” you have to be soft, and slow.

But soft and slow is just one facet of the feminine experience.

There is also the side that is lusty and fast.

The side that is nurturing, caring and maternal.

The side that is goofy and adorably awkward.

There is the side that is wise, and protects your tender heart.

And then there is the side that can be downright reckless with it.


To edit any of them out would be like taking the beads right out of a kaleidoscope, leaving you with an experience that is placid, flaccid, and boring.

Sacred Seduction® is the opposite of boring.

It is the holistic face of the feminine. Alive. Instinctual. An almost savage truth. And it is downright irresistible to those who can handle it’s power.

In Sacred Seduction® Deep Dive, my signature program that closes for enrollment this Friday, there are very few traditional seduction techniques that I teach.

Because listen, if seduction were just about push-up bras and pick up lines we’d all be doing it.

Real seduction is a different kind of power than the one that comes from hiding behind a mask of perfection.

It is the power that comes from being brave enough to take the mask OFF.  And what it takes is some serious GUTS.

The mermaids of Deep Dive do alot more than just bring lovers to their knees.

They are the pioneers of what it means merge femininity and feminism together, once and for all.

If this kind of power speaks to you, click here.

I’ve got a seat saved for you, right next to me.

Let’s dive in.

P.S. – Unsure if Deep Dive is right for you, right now? Let’s talk.  Click here to schedule a free one-on-one. It would be my pleasure to talk to you in person, and help you figure out if Deep Dive is a fit.


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A Sensual Yoga Movement Ritual (VIDEO)

Do you ever find that in the game of self love, sometimes you are left chasing your tail?

Like, you know you’re supposed to love yourself, but then in moments where you don’t love yourself, you feel down on yourself for not loving yourself enough!

That is why it is so important to me that self-love be a PHYSICAL practice, as well as a mental and spiritual one.

After all, the distinguishing factor between a love affair and a friendship is it’s physicality – the desire to hug, kiss, caress, and snuggle.  Why should it be any different in your love affair with yourself?

Physical practices of self-love are something I am EXTREMELY passionate about.  That is why in my signature program Sacred Seduction® Deep Dive, every week there is a new collection of movement rituals and unique self-seduction practices.

That is also why I would like to share one with you today.  It is a 15-minute yoga based routine that you can do any time you want to slip into the sensation of self love.

I am thrilled to share it with you, and let me know what you think in the comments.  And, if the sensation of self love is something you feel like you could use a bit of a leg-up with, join us in Deep Dive.

In Deep Dive, the content and curriculum are intensive and profound.  But content is nothing without connection.  That is why I make myself available to the Deep Dive mermaids throughout the course with one-on-one coaching, group calls and daily interaction in the online community. I have got my eye on you 24/7.

I’ve always said, seduction takes a village.  Inhabiting the most authentic, brazen, sensual part of yourself – aka your seductress – is not meant to be done in isolation.  I would be so honored to count you as one of my mermaids.

With love and long hip circles,





P.S. – Enrollment closes Friday September 16th! Click here for all the details. 



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How To Feel Sexy In Any Situation (Without Having To Buy New Underwear)

Hampton Inn Realness

Rocking some Hampton Inn realness

This weekend I attended a family wedding, and spent the night at a Hampton Inn.  I was on the phone with a girlfriend, and when she asked where I was, I told her I was laying on a pair of very over-bleached sheets.

“That doesn’t sound very sexy Kitty Cavalier” she said.

“Yes it does, because I’m in them,” I replied.

After a mutual giggle, it really made me think about how limiting our definition of the word sexy can be.

For example, I think a new set of Sharpie markers is extremely sexy.

I think the way the bubbles on top of a glass of champagne tickle my nose is sexy.

When I tell the truth, even when it’s really hard, I feel extremely sexy.

I even think the way Winnie’s fur feels after a bath is sexy!

Now let me clarify, when I say these things are sexy, I don’t mean that they make me want to fuck someone.

What I mean is that they engage my senses.  They make me feel passionate and excited.  They remind me of my own aliveness, which to me, is the most sexy thing of all.

I remember a time when I thought that in order to feel sexy I would have to lose 30 pounds, or drop a whole paycheck on new lingerie.

Or that I would have to memorize a bunch of snazzy pick up lines and master the art of potent eye contact.

Basically I thought I would have to become someone different than who I was.

And the mere notion of it all exhausted me.

But what I have found is that by switching my viewpoint from one of a magnifying glass to one of a kaleidoscope, sexy is available to me any time I want it.

And that is exactly what I want to share with you in my new free class, “How To Feel Sexy In Any Situation (Without Having To Buy New Underwear)”.

Trying to feel sexy from something outside yourself requires alot of work.

It can feel exhausting, like you just want to throw up your hands and forget the whole thing.

But when you can tap into the source of sexy, the feeling is almost effortless.

When you know how to find the source of sexy, you can come back to it again and again, in any situation.

This secret is not complicated.

It works for everyone, and it won’t cost you a thing.

Be my guest in this free class, and find out for yourself just how simple feeling sexy can be in any situation.

feel sexy in any situation





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How Do You Define A Seductress?


How do you define a seductress?

Is she a man-eater? Manipulator? Vampiress?

Someone out to steal your lover when you aren’t looking?

I’d like to offer an upgrade on this definition.

A true seductress is…..

Wildly authentic.

Assertive and direct.

Unapologetically sensual.

Feminine as fuck.

Seduction is a power we are all using every single day, whether we like it or not.

Trying to pretend you are not a seductress, at least in some way, is like trying to pretend you don’t need air to breathe.

Every area of your life – work, home, family, love – benefits when you know how to use your seductive power responsibly.

The truth is, every woman alive is a natural seductress.

But not every woman alive is given the tools and support necessary to embrace this power and use it wisely.

That is why today, my signature program Sacred Seduction® Deep Dive opens for enrollment.  It is my most personal and intensive offering.

I truly believe that for a Sacred Seductress to unfold fully, it requires more than MP3’s and computer screens. It requires continuous support, coaching, and intimate connection.  Someone who really cares about you and has their attention on you full time.

That is truly what makes Deep Dive different.  It’s not only about the content, it’s about the connection.

Click here to learn more about becoming one of our mermaids!

deep dive program



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5 Things Every Woman Needs To Know

Start The Season Video Screenshot


We all know the saying “confidence comes from within”, but what does that mean exactly?

It is no secret that every day you receive subliminal messages that tell you when you lose more weight, or make more money, or buy new underwear that you will feel more confident.  (that last one does have a bit of truth to it.)

But there is also a new pressure, that if you could just become more evolved, more intuitive, more joyful, more playful, that you would have more confidence.

In my experience, confidence doesn’t come from stomping out your flaws with a shoe.

It’s the REVEAL, not the conceal, that counts.  

That is why Sacred Seduction® is defined as attraction through authenticity.  Confidence that comes from smoke and mirrors is like a house with no foundation.  It may look great from the outside, but take one step inside and you risk fall right into a black hole.

That is why I am thrilled to invite you to my free, 5-day game called “Start The Season With Seduction.”   This game will give you five concrete tools you can start using right now to feel unshakably confident.  When confidence comes from embodying who you are, rather than trying to be something you are not, no one and no thing can ever take it away from you.

I want every woman in the world to know that truth in her literal bones.  And that is why I have created this 5 day adventure.

Click here to sign up and join us now!





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The Unfortunate Truth About Genuine Confidence

LOUBITONSWhen I was 17 years old I hopelessly lacked confidence.  All I wanted was for people to like me, as most teenagers do.  I remember having a crush on a boy who was in a band, and he liked “alternative” looking girls.  I was kind of the Candice Bergen of my Catholic high school, always sporting a smart blazer with cigarette pants, occasionally venturing out with a signature polka dot mini skirt and mohair sweater.  

When a romance with the bass player in question kicked off, I decided it was time for an extreme makeover.  I grabbed my best friend Mary and we high tailed it to Salvation Army to stock up on vintage pieces to pair with my Express boot cut jeans, thereby making myself look more “alternatized”.

Alternatizing is just one example of many times I have tried to buy confidence in my life.  But what I find over and over, is that true confidence is rooted in….

You want to know what it is?

I must warn you.

It’s very un-sexy.

Are you sure you want to hear it?

You sure you want to take the red pill?


If you insist….

True, genuine confidence actually comes from:



 Really Kitty????

Couldn’t it be something just a FRACTION more fun, like sexy body language or charismatic conversation skills???

I know, I know. Humility. Très BORING!

But let’s take a closer look…

When I think of unquestioningly confident women, just a handful of the examples that come to mind are:

  • Michelle Obama
  • Mother Teresa
  • Eleanor Roosevelt
  • Colette
  • Amelia Earhart

What do these powerhouses all have in common?

A.) They stood for what they believed in more than they wanted people to like them.

B.) They took the risk of sharing their art, be it activism or aviation, on a global scale, even though to do so must have felt like having your skin ripped off and your flesh laid bare for all to see.

C.) Most of all, they wanted to connect more than they wanted to look cool. 

I’ve spent so much time in my life, like many of us, trying to look cool in order to feel confident.

You know what that Resting Bitch Face bought me?

A bunch of fucking wrinkles. 

Sacred Seduction® is actually founded on humility, because is Sacred Seduction® is defined as attraction though authenticity.  

An example from my own life: I’ve started attending a really challenging yoga class once a week.  When I say really challenging, I mean that every single person in there could probably toss a pizza with their bare feet during headstand. 

 And then there is little old me, so PROUD I can finally flip my downward dog into a Wild Thing Pose.  When I first started attending, the temptation to power through stone faced, pretending I’m not on the verge of tearing my bicep muscles with each chaturanga was there profoundly. 

But instead, I chose to offer smiles to every one of those lean, mean, yoga machines when I walked in the room.  Very few of them ever smile back, but I don’t care.  In choosing to connect rather than compete, I am free to enjoy the class on my own terms, one sweet knees-chest-chin at a time.

Humility is the freedom of walking into a bar and feeling more interested in the people and things my eyes are resting on, than in how many eyes are resting on me.

It’s rocking grungy flip flops at a barn dance party in the middle of nowhere, just as hard as you would rock red and black heart-toe Loubitons (OMG) on the mahogany floor of The Rainbow Room.

These things are so simple, and yet, so not easy. 

Hence, why seduction is truly a spiritual practice.

And humility is the ultimate seductive sweet spot. (click to tweet!)

It means you have nothing to prove, and by virtue, it proves that you must be pretty fucking cool.


What does humility mean to you? Can the words seductive and humility co-exist in the same sentence? Do tell in the comments.   I hang on your every word. 

Wild Thing, I Think I Love You,



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