Doin It The Old Fashioned Way

Rose Petals,

Recently on a hike in the woods, I happened upon a magical thing.

A wild turtle sitting right there in the middle of the trail.

I bent down to gaze at it more closely, and felt the profound sense of humility and reverence that occurs when you encounter something wild flood my body.

I noticed the impulse to reach for my phone to take a picture of it to share with you all on social media.

But the mere notion of it just felt so….GROSS.

So violating to this creature, so exploiting to this sacred moment.

So I captured it the old fashioned way: with my senses. I fully took in the bright yellow markings on it’s shell, the dark potency of it’s eyes, the wrinkles in it’s neck, and the length and sharpness of it’s toenails.

As I recall it now, the expansive wings of wonder start to fill my heart all over again.

Do you ever notice that the tighter we try to hold onto these moments, the faster they slip through our fingers?

That by reaching for our cameras to cement in a memory forever, we actually end up actually discarding the memory itself?

I went a wedding this weekend where I didn’t know a single soul other than the bride. I noticed that standing there by myself, I had the strong impulse again, to reach for my phone.

If I didn’t have any friends there, at least I could look make it look like I did by texting with the ones I do have!

But that was not how I wanted to show up.  So I reached out for support and accountability I didn’t fight it from my community in Vérité, and posted this video in our Facebook group:

In sharing my truth and reaching out for support, I cleared the way to bravely face the unknown, feeling my community all around me as I went.

I made so many wonderful new friendships that day.  They all felt so genuine, because I felt so genuine. 

These moments of choosing presence, even when being present includes awkward discomfort, are Vérité in action.

In Vérité we aim to know, speak and live our truth as fully as we can. How we get there is by connecting to what is real and true in the present moment.

The vibrational sound of a friend’s voice, rather than the image of their words in a text.

Being nourished by the simple joy of candlelight, rather than the blue light of a device.

The feeling of the earth under your feet.

The sight of the leaves changing.

The uncomfortable lurch that comes from walking up to a group of strangers and saying “Hi, I’m Kitty.”

Vérité is the bold and beautiful act of being there.

When we are willing to be more present, we automatically become more authentic. 

And isn’t that the whole reason we are here in the first place? To be present, to be there, and to tell the truth?

This is why The Vérité Community is not a program. It is a practice.

We practice so that when we are met with a moment of intimacy we can stay in it, rather than run away.

We practice so that when deep pleasure or great sorrow arrives on our doorstep, wemeet both with open arms.

We are practice so that in moments of conflict, when we are pressed to tell our deepest truths, our voices are clear and hearts are brave.

This is also why I am not a coach, but a companion in this program.  I am practicing and sharing my reports from the field right by your side.

Yes, I am the leader, creator and steward of the Vérité experience.  But the idea is that your truth has the answers.  When we have Q and A calls, the advice I offer is never authoriarian It is always a prompt to spiral you back to your body, and back to your truth, which is where the real answers to your deepest questions dwell.

Vérité is only open for enrollment through September 29th.  The community is intentionally kept small to create a more intimate environment, so there is no scheduled date as to when it will open again.

Click here to become a member now! 

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P.S. – Have questions? Hit reply on this email or click over to our join page and scroll down for FAQs to get all the details on how membership works!

 

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An Ode To The Betrayed

kitty betrayal blog

Cinnamon Sticks,

In my recent class and story hour called “I’m Going To Be Completely Honest With You”, I shared fairly candidly about my own journey with betrayal.

Like many, betrayal has been one of the biggest teachers in my life.

When I first learned that the person I had shared my life with for 11 years had essentially been living a double life, the pain was indescribable. I spent many nights howling harshly, like a wolf who had been badly bitten in the leg.

Over time however, I realized there was a pain even deeper than what had been done to me. It was the betrayal I had done to myself by ignoring inner voice.

See, my mind may not have known that there was something going on behind the scenes, but my bones sure did.

The bones are a powerful symbol. They represent our most indestructible life force. The bones are what remains of us long after we are gone, and they are the very structure around which everything else in the body organizes.

In my marriage there was wonderful communication, we took excellent care of each other and we genuinely loved one another. And yet, there was always a feeling in my bones telling me something was off.

It was a feeling I couldn’t quite put my finger on. It was a blunt, fuzzy vibration, like a church bell being banged on from the outside, rather than a clear, clean clang from the inside.

Because I had no evidence or even suspicion, I thought the ringing in my bones must have meant there was a problem with me!

I thought I just needed to be more grateful for this wonderful man, or read more books on how to open up to love, or take more classes on how to have hour-long orgasms…blah, blah, blah.

At the end of the day, I didn’t need any of those things. What I needed was the truth.

And yet, hadn’t I pushed away the truth over and over again every time I ignored this clanging in my bones? If I had been feeling this way the whole, time, why hadn’t I been honest about it with him?

I had to come face to face with the fact that I had kept my truth from him too.

I had not given him my Vérité.

Vérité being the truth beneath the truth. The truth that is not nice, nor is it mean. The truth that is the essence of intimacy.

It was a bitter pill to swallow, but I had admit to myself that by not giving him my full truth, I had betrayed him too.

When I was finally able to admit that, I was free.

A woman in the class asked me the question: do you ever get over the pain of betrayal?

My answer after having gone through this experience is that getting over my pain doesn’t really interest me as much as listening to what it has to teach me. Because when I finally took off the blinders and looked my truth square in the eye, what I saw was not pain, but POWER.

In choosing to listen to my pain, I got the power of my bones back.

And I can honestly say that I would not have skipped this pain, because being able to KNOW who I really am, and live that freely in the world, is a deeper pleasure than any I have ever known.

The question I have for you is: what is your truth underneath the truth?

What is the truth that risks everything in order to share it, and yet the risk of not sharing it is even greater?

Right now, there is a society of women who are LIVING the answers to these questions, and their name is Vérité.

This group of gutsy babes believes that knowing, telling and living their truth is the most important thing they can do to show up completely in their own lives, and create positive change in the world (not to mention the sexiest.)

Vérité replaces the idea of being “brutally honest” with being “beautifully honest.”

Because telling the truth is powerful. Telling the truth is sexy. But most importantly, telling the truth is what we are here for.

Vérité is only open for enrollment through September 29th. The community is intentionally kept small to create a more intimate environment, so there is no scheduled date as to when it will open again.

Click here to join us, and become a member now

P.S. – have questions? Send us an email at support@kittycavalier.com, we would love to hear from you!

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What REALLY happens before a big launch

Pomegranate Seeds,

They say that when you do something over and over, it gets easier every time. I find this to be true, but this past Wednesday when I delivered my story hour called “I’m Going To Be Completely Honest With You”, the lead up was far from easy.

I am extremely comfortable in the role of teacher, but this presentation was different than just teaching. This was a full-hour of truth telling.

I would like to tell you that the night before I drank a soothing cup of tea, watched an episode of Miss Fisher, and got to bed early so I could wake up refreshed. But the truth was, at 11pm I was still up and wired, still rehearsing, and still working to make all the details “perfect.” (#virgo)

While sitting at the dining room table, my eyes wandered to a box of supplies for a halloween themed gingerbread house, which I had bought for my Mom and I to do as a craft while she was visiting.

A minute later the windows of that gingerbread house had found their way down my gullet. I sarcastically sent this picture to some close friends who had been supporting me in my preparations with the caption:

“YOUR FEARLESS LEADER.”

Photo on 9-12-17 at 11.27 PM

Those who watched the story hour probably had no idea I had been anxious, because in the moment I delivered it, I felt surrendered and calm.

This was partly due to my high level of preparation, but mostly it was because of my practice of Vérité.

What is Vérité? It is the french word for truth, but it is also a state of being.

Vérité is what happens when we slow down to connect to the present moment, engage with what’s real, and simply show up in life as exactly who we are.

For 90 minutes before the class I put down my notes, settled into prayer, and asked the divine to speak through me. I meditated to clear my mind, danced to connect to my body, and set the intention I may contribute to others finding their Vérité, rather than try to control the outcome.

The result was that I felt calm, connected and open. I had a freakin’ blast with you all! (p.s. the playback is available for a limited time – click here to check it out.)

In writing this to you, my intention is the same: to model Vérité by showing you that the freaked-out, 11pm gingerbread thief can exist right alongside the calm, cool, collected presenter. That the two are not mutually exclusive, and that one does not invalidate the other.

That is why The Vérité Community exists, to give women a place to slow down, drop the mask, get real, and connect to the place where all your power lives, which is in the present moment.

In Vérité we come together as a community to explore ancient practices like meditation, movement and mindulness, with a sensual, playful feminine twist.

When we slow down to connect to what’s real, we cannot help but show up more authentically in our lives.

If intimacy, connection, presence and authenticity are values that you cherish and protect, there is a place waiting for you in this community.

This is the most comprehensive program I have ever offered, and it is also the most affordable program I have ever offered. 

Enrollment is only open for a limited time.

Click here to join us, and become a member now.

With sweet gingerbread breath, 

KITTY_CAVALIER_ICON(1)

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Birthday Plot Twist

Beautiful Birthday Batter

Beautiful Birthday Batter

Clove Buds, 

Yesterday marked my 37th spin around the sun. 

Normally I like to celebrate my birthday in pretty grand, old-Hollywoood style: glamorous outfits, glamorous cocktails, glamorous atmosphere, glamorous everything! 

When I turned 30 I had a big, blowout bash with 100 guests, burlesque performers, signature cocktails and all the rest. 

But this year, I wanted things to be a bit different. 

I think this was the first birthday since I turned 18 that I didn’t have a drop of alcohol, nor did I crave one.  Rather than inviting a big group friends and acquaintances to go out dancing, I invited a core group of about seven women to dance around the fireplace in my home.  

These days more than ever, I crave what’s real. 

Things like intimacy over intoxication,  presence over popularity, baking my own cupcakes rather than buying them. 

Technology has worked wonders to connect us, but what is it actually connecting us to?

The night before my birthday I took my birthdate off of my Facebook profile.  Without a deluge of messages streaming in (p.s. thank you if you sent one or would have liked to!) I found I could actually be present, not have my nose in my phone, and imprint the memory of this birthday through my body and my senses. 

I spent the day with eyes and heart wide open, and it felt freaking great. 

If I had heard myself lay out this plan ten years ago, I probably would have probably been horrified at it’s simplicity. 

But life is full of plot twists. 

And on Wednesday September 13th at 3pm ET I’m so excited to share these plot twists and more with you at my free class & story hour called “I’m going to be completely honest with you.” 

COMPLETELY HONEST

In this class I will be sharing about the big changes that have been going on behind the scenes in my own life, and how the simple act of connecting to what’s real can be more satisfying than a funfetti cupcake. 

I’d be honored to have you as my guest, click here to join us! 

All my love and gratitude, 

KITTY_CAVALIER_ICON(1)

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Romper Wisdom

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Sigh, this satin romper.

I put it on in the dressing room and it felt like butter against my skin.

Everything about it was perfect except…the top button wouldn’t close.

I made all kinds of rationalizations as to why I should buy it anyway. “The price is so good! I could just wear it open with a bra!”.

All of these dealings were true and very convincing to my mind, but when I took a pause and felt into the truth underneath the truth, I knew what would really happen.

I would get home, hang it up, and never wear it again.

So with the bitter sadness that comes from finding something that feels like destiny except for one tiny detail, I placed it back on the rack.

There have been many times in my life when grasping, speedy thoughts have caused me to make choices rooted in fantasy, rather than reality. (And I’m not just talking about my romper collection.)

This is just one small example of the way honesty preserves our most valuable resource: our focused attention.

I am grateful that I don’t have a piece of beautiful clutter staring back at me every time I open my closet today, or that the distraction of going back to the store to make a return is not taking up real estate in my consciousness.

Honesty redirects us to what’s real, and what’s important. Which (hard to imagine I know) feels even better than smooth satin across bare skin.

Here’s to more honesty, less waste, and to the delicious anticipation of the RIGHT romper coming along (literally or metaphorically), whenever the time is right.

If this story resonates with you, buckle up baby! On September 13th at 3pm ET I will be sharing my own personal journey with truth as the ultimate medicine, and the most wise, loyal teacher a girl could ask for. Click here to join me in front of the fireplace!

All my love,

KITTY_CAVALIER_ICON(1)

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FIERCELY INTIMATE

Durga, Goddess of boundaries

Cinnamon Rolls,

Today we’re talking about a certain word that begins with a B.

Not Bitch.

Not Baroque.

Not Bacon.

(All of which I’d love to talk to you about at another time.)

The word for today is BOUNDARIES.

A client recently shared this question with me:

“I am an introvert and I like my solitude. I need stronger boundaries with others, but how do I do this without sounding judgmental, losing friend connections or sounding like a bitch?”

Can you hear the subtle undertone in this question that says: “If I set a boundary, I will drive everyone away.”

The paradox that we must understand is this: boundaries actually bring us closer to the people we love.

Boundaries reveal the lines of definition that shape who you really are.

Therefore, boundaries are the heroines of true intimacy.

Now intimacy, she can be quite the squirrely minx!

I used to think I was the intimacy queen because I write and speak publicly about my vulnerabilities, wounds, and fears all the time. But in each of these scenarios I am already the heroine of my own story. I may be talking about my wounds, but what I’m really showing you are the tattoos that decorate the scar tissue on my soul.

Showing a person your scars is one thing, but showing your pink, tender, present moment flesh, is quite another.

Present moment intimacy is the kind that crackles and sizzles like fried rice being cooked right in front of you at a hibachi restaurant, rather than behind closed kitchen doors.

Boundaries start with honesty.

Honesty builds intimacy.

Intimacy builds connection.

Connection builds love.

VERITE QUOTE. HONESTYclick to tweet!

Now, there is no guarantee that when you share your truth with another person they won’t stomp all over it with muddy boots, or discard it like an apple core thrown out of a car window.

But true, healthy intimacy isn’t gauged by how another person reacts. True, healthy intimacy is measured by how fully you share your truth without agenda.

It’s your truth.  No one can take take it away from you. And we are all better off when you share it.

Fortune Favors The Bold,

 KITTY_CAVALIER_ICON(1)

 

P.S. – For all you brave truth tellers, I want you to know that Vérité, my monthly membership for women who want to live honestly, sensually and authentically, is re-opening for enrollment in just a few weeks!

Want to be the first pair of eyes to see what’s new? Click here to receive special offerings and advance notice of Vérité! 

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THE MOST POTENT MAGIC I’VE EVER ENCOUNTERED

ARTEMIS RINGArtemis Ring by BelladonnanoirJP on Etsy

Friends,

Like you, I’ve created many a ritual, potion, and ceremony in my life. But nothing has proven to be as potent or as simple as the magic I share with you today.

On a recent lazy Sunday, an entire afternoon stretched out wide before me. Wide open space like this often sounds like paradise, but this particular Sunday I was a bit burnt out. There was no food in the house, and chore after chore beckoned from my to-do list.

I sat on my porch feeling deflated and defeated. Yet I knew that if I took no action, I would feel even more irritated by these tasks being left undone. So I did what I often do in moments where I feel stuck and lost: I prayed.

I asked for guidance on how to surrender my Sunday. With my eyes closed and a hand on my heart I heard something inside me utter the words:

“Turn Off Your Phone.”

I made a commitment that no matter what did or did not get done on my to-do list, I would turn off technology completely for six hours and just see what happened.

After about three minutes of staring at the wall, I glimpsed the breakfast dishes out of the corner of my eye. I felt the pleasant prickle of desire to wash them, rather than the blunt pressure of obligation. Then, just like kissing leads to heavy petting, dishes led to mopping the floor, and before I knew it I was in the sweet spot of housecleaning ecstasy. #magic

Later, without social media or Netflix to entertain me, I sat down to read a cooking magazine and felt the most wonderful and unfamiliar sensation: A GENUINE DESIRE TO COOK SOMETHING. This was bordering on a miracle.

Cooking has never been my strong suit, but as I looked over these magazines I felt the oh-so-pleasant ache of craving.  I deeply desired a tall glass of hibiscus iced tea and a summer squash frittata. These were not desires coming from what had been put in front of me in a news feed. These desires were coming from inside of me. My burn-out was being replaced by a burning appetite, not just for food, but for savoring the present moment.

As the 6-hour experiment came to a close, you couldn’t have paid me to turn on my phone! That night, I snuggled into freshly washed sheets with a book about Tuscan life in my hands. My belly, my heart, my mind, and my soul felt FULL. Not full from all I had squeezed into the day, but full from all I squeezed out of it by turning my attention toward what is real.

May this story serve as a powerful reminder of connection; not the digital kind, but the kind that comes from tasting fresh zucchini and smooth Gruyere baked into fluffy eggs, mixed and made with one’s own hands.

Toasting you with a glass of hibiscus iced tea,

KITTY_CAVALIER_ICON(1)

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SAVORING SUMMER INSTAGRAM CHALLENGE!

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Summer Lovers,

There is a mantra that has profoundly changed my life these past few months.  It is:

Abundance is not measured by how much you can get, but by how deeply you can savor what you have.

(click to tweet!)

The true essence of Sacred Seduction® is allowing life to seduce you, and savoring the present moment through the senses.  As summer begins its slow spiral into fall, I invite you to slow down and taste all the fruits summer has borne through the Savoring Summer Instagram Challenge!

Every day is a different prompt, providing a focus point to give summer the full applause, attention and appreciation she deserves. Each post counts as an entry, and every week a winner will be randomly chosen to receive a very special prize!

 

To participate in this challenge follow these two simple steps:

  1. Click here to follow me for daily inspiration @kittycavalier
  2. Use the tag #sacredseduction when sharing your photos to be entered to win one of our fabulous prizes shown below!

SAVORING SUMMER IG CHALLENGE


 

PRIZES

card decks

Every week a winner will be selected to receive a gorgeous new oracle deck*! Oracle decks are one of my favorite ways to use beauty as a tool to connect to the divine.

*This challenge is not sponsored by or affiliated with the authors or publishers of these decks.

You will be amazed at how noticing the beauty right under your nose will make this last month of summer so much sweeter.  Remember to follow me here and use the tag #sacredseduction to win!

All My Love,

KITTY_CAVALIER_ICON(1)

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THE DRUNK GUY WHO SHOWED ME MY PURPOSE

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Beloveds,

One night several years ago, I arrived early to meet a friend at a bar, and started chatting with three Scottish gentleman who were visiting New York for the first time. When they asked me what I did for a living I said “I teach classes for women on the connection between sensuality and spirituality.”
Record scratch.

“Oh realllllly!!” said the most boisterous of the bunch, leaning back on his heels, thumbs in the front pockets of his jeans. All of sudden a photo was snapped of him posing next to me with his thumbs up like a poacher who had just made a kill. The photo was then posted on social media with the hashtag #internationalsexexpert (which I am not.)

Then he said something that changed my life forever:

“Women need coaching in this stuff? Come on, all a woman has to do is talk to me and I just assume she wants to fuck me!”

Record scratch again. A deeper cut this time.

The group laughed tentatively, offering me a “we can’t take him anywhere” awkward side glance.

The most painful part of this interaction was not the comment itself, it was my own reaction to it. The comment scared me and I froze. My blood turned cold, and worst of all, I laughed along with them like nothing was wrong.

As painful as it was, I needed to have that moment. It was a profound moment of: This. Needs. To. Stop.

The pattern of dissociation where it is more safe for a woman to freeze her truth inside her own blood than it is to speak it out loud, needs to stop.

The pattern where men are so discouraged from feeling their vulnerability that it is easier to view a woman as an object to conquer, rather than a human being whose beauty and power could very well break their tender hearts, needs to stop.

The pattern of courage being defined by one’s ability to harden, numb, and endure; rather than to soften, wake up, and feel, needs to stop.

I don’t take responsibility for the way the culture has shaped my sensuality to be included in Manifest Destiny. But I DO take responsibility for the ways I contribute to it when I choose to numb out and fake it, rather than pause and feel (no matter how uncomfortable it may be for myself OR for those around me to witness.)

It occurred to me in retrospect that he wouldn’t have been able to make me feel like an object if I didn’t already feel like one myself; and that in order to stop these patterns of how women are perceived, we MUST BEGIN with the way we perceive ourselves.

There is a depth to Sacred Seduction that is not always visible to the naked eye. To an outsider it might sound like classes on how to stroke your lover with a feather or walk successfully in high heels. But Sacred Seduction is much more than that.

When a woman enters this community she is often slouching and hiding in ways she herself may not even be aware of. When she leaves, she is open, bright and shining, with a confidence that is completely authentic and utterly impenetrable.

At it’s heart, Sacred Seduction is a practice that results in no longer feeling like you need to hide who you are, or what you feel. Period.

Without that interaction with my Scottish friend, I don’t think I would  have been able to see that so clearly. That interaction shaped the course of my work. Every program, every coaching session and every retreat I create all center around interrupting that moment of “freeze”, and help us all to heal through our willingness to feel. For that I am extremely grateful.

Today is the last day of the Flash Sale Fundraiser where all of my signature courses are on sale, and 20% of all purchases go to Rise As One; an organization that provides shelter and education for young women and girls exploited through child marriage.

Let’s change the way feminine sensuality is perceived, by changing the way we perceive it in ourselves.

Click here to shop the Flash Sale Fundraiser now!

P.S. – This flash sale ends tonight at 10pm. These courses are being offered at 50% off, (WHAT??) and are normally only available seasonally! They will be taken out of the shop tonight. Click here to explore and enjoy this massive savings now!

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WEEKEND FLASH SALE FUNDRAISER STARTS TODAY!

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Poppy Seeds,

I’m very excited to announce that today starts a Flash Sale benefiting a project that is near and dear to my heart, helping empower and educate young women across the globe.

The mission of Sacred Seduction is to make the world a safe and welcoming place for the feminine to thrive in all beings. Lyndsey Thomas Azlynne is an amazing yoga teacher and dear friend who shares this passion.  This Fall, Lyndsey is taking her yoga off the mat and traveling to India to be of service to young women and girls through a project called Rise As One.

Child marriage is a human rights violation affecting 46% of children in India.  Lyndsey has been selected as one of six women to go to Nagpur to build a Girls Home, providing housing and education to vulnerable girls and women, helping them to escape child marriage, poverty and become change-makers in their communities.

Starting today all products in my shop  are on sale including a limited number of one-on-one coaching sessions, with 20% of every dollar going to the Rise As One project.

It’s like a Sacred Seduction Bake Sale y’all!  But even more satisfying than a chocolate chip cookie.

This Flash Sale will continue through Sunday but certain items are limited in quantity, so go get em’ while they’re hot!  See you in the shop!

All my love,

KITTY_CAVALIER_ICON(1)

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