Pleasure: What I Know To Be True

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Pleasure. 

What does that word evoke for you?

Kissing? A weekend at the spa? Chocolate dipped in chili pepper? An orgasm?

These things offer enormous amounts of pleasure, to be sure.

But what about the pleasure that comes from crying hysterically at the end of a movie?

Or the pleasure you feel after volunteering for a cause you believe in?

Or the thrill that comes from doing something very scary, but very brave?

I know firsthand the philosophy of using pleasure solely for escape or reward.

But what if life was just one big continuum of pleasure?

What if there was no beginning or end to pleasure, only different flavors of it to be enjoyed?

I’ve been thinking deeply about this topic since I received a powerful email from one of my dearest clients, Stella St. Rose:

Kitty,

Happy New Year! I experienced deep anxiety today and chose to up-level my self-care with your self-massage course. I’ve never nurtured my body with love and tenderness like this.

I thank her for everything she does for me, and when I catch a glimpse of her/me in a mirror, I make sure to practice appreciation. But most of the time when I touch her it is to do something functional, like apply sunscreen, or give myself sexual pleasure.

The surprising thing is, I was completely unaware of this lack of nurturing until I performed the self massage today. Thank you for this gift.

Stella beautifully articulates the way that unless our pleasures are functional (i.e. achieving an orgasm or protecting our skin from the sun) we are hardly able to notice them, much less enjoy them.

Pleasure can feel fraught with innuendo, intrigue and invitation.

With a practice like self massage, we reclaim it’s core virtue: innocence.

This is a perfect time to invest in in the most sustainable source of happiness at your disposal:  feeling deeply at home in your own skin.

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There are only a few days left to purchase the course at the introductory savings of $99 (regular price of $197.)

Click here to receive your savings and begin a profound experience of true pleasure, right now.

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Celebration Whiplash

Celebration Whiplash

Stars,

Several years ago while working for a major corporation I made a big screw up that cost the company lots of money. I felt mortified, but also refused to allow this error to ruin my confidence.

To break out the big guns against self-flagellation, I went home that night with an expensive bottle of champagne. If nothing else, I could celebrate the fact that I would never make that kind of mistake again!

Celebration can be a powerful alchemist. But do you ever find that in the quest to celebrate all of life, running towards the things you’d like to run from, can leave you with a case of spiritual whiplash?

They say that the opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference.

I would also say that the opposite of hate is not love, it’s indifference.

A poignant lesson in this for me happened around finalizing my divorce. My ex-husband and I are good friends and our parting was amicable. But divorce is a loss no matter how you spin it.

When I knew the papers where on their way, my impulse to celebrate change at all costs kicked in. I thought about calling my girlfriends to come over for a raunchy divorce party and pole dance the night away.

But the truth was, I didn’t want to greet my mail man with a glass of champagne anymore than I wanted to throw a pie in his face.

I just wanted to greet him. Period.

I didn’t need to sugarcoat the experience any more than I needed to cover it with salt.

I tasted the moment before deciding if it needed any seasoning.

And what I found is that a tall, stiff glass of honesty can be even more refreshing than a bottle of Veuve. (tweet this!)

Like citrus bitters added to a well-made Old Fashioned, life just wouldn’t be as sweet without the contrast.

Discomfort can be so delish.

Salut!

KITTY_CAVALIER_ICON(1)

 

 

 


ONE WEEK LEFT TO SAVE!

There is one week left to purchase The Art Of Self Massage at the introductory price of $99 before it goes up to the regular price of $197.

Curious about what it’s like to take the course? Ask Sofia…

“Loving myself, not just my body, has been quite a journey. Since practicing the self~massage regularly, I can actually feel self-love physically in my being, from head to toe.

Self love is no longer an intellectual concept but a physical, cellular one. My body feels infused with love and acceptance. Thank you.”

It is one thing to say an affirmation to your body in the mirror.

To act that affirmation out with your very own hands is another.

Click here to grab your introductory savings and start the course right now!

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Body, I Take You Back – A Poem

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The other night in bed I was reading about a little girl in China who was having her feet bound. Feet binding as you know, is the practice of purposely breaking a child’s bones, permanently disfiguring her feet, and making them appear freakishly small and petite.

Why did this practice exist?

To make her more “marriageable.”

As I read about the literal torture this little girl endured, it gave me even further clarity as to why self-massage is critical.

Because our bodies don’t belong to us.

We think they do intellectually, but how many times have you put up with pain in your body pain so that you could conform to  the eyes of the patriarchy?

So that you could “fit in?”

Much like a grown woman trying to fit her foot into a child’s shoe.

Changing our thoughts and beliefs are a crucial first step in mending the broken bone of our reverence for the feminine body.

But physically reclaiming each and every square inch of your own personal cathedral is something only you can do.

Recently I released a brand new course called The Art Of Self Massage. While I’m super excited about it, I have received the same question from several people. To put it gracefully:

“Why the f*ck would I want to massage myself?”

Well, with a warm smile, let me tell you…

Actions speak louder than words, as they say.

When you lovingly massage your own body, you let her know with every stroke who her lover, her guardian, and her soulmate really is.

The love I feel for my body as a result of practicing self-love through massage is impossible to put into words….in a blog post.

Which is why I wrote a poem about the true love I feel for my body after massaging her head to toe.

You can download the poem by reading below, or clicking here for a free download.

And, if you’d like to experience this kind of unconditional love, rather than just read about it, click here to purchase The Art of Self Massage.

body-i-take-you-back-kitty-cavalierBODY, I TAKE YOU BACK

Body, I take you back.

Foot. I cradle the artistry that is you.  I stroke your luscious pad first to touch the earth when I get out of bed, and I praise the toes that spring me forward into life.  I tickle your bones like keys on a piano. I worship the weight of you, heel.

Calves, I now caress you.  I grab at your flesh like a hungry child grabs at it’s mother’s skirt hem.  

Thighs…the way you taper and tease at the knee, then fill up at the top like a vase of roses in full bloom, I bow to you.

For all the times, belly, that you have called to me from the truth of my gut, but I ignored your siren song because there was no evidence to back you up; I knead my hands deep into you now, like fists pressing into yeasty dough.

I want my hands, arms, apron and nose immersed in the flour that is you. I want you beneath, between, below, and behind my fingertips.  

You envelop me, as I envelop you, and like a brown buttered biscuit slathered with honey, I cannot get enough of you.

 For all the times breasts, that you have been slowly stolen by entitled eyes, I steal back your spheres of beauty with my very own hands.

I love you like a potter loves wet clay spinning under her fingers. You are safe under my wing, and when you unfurl from your canopy of lace at the end a long day, I will roll out a red carpet for you that lasts for miles.

Heart, for all the times you have been broken like pink construction paper ripped into confetti, I offer my touch as glitter glue.

Body, for all the times you have been pinched, smacked, leered, or whistled at without consent.

For all the times I tolerated it because I thought you belonged to them more than you do to me.

This is our reunion.  

This is me trading in my terms for un-conditions in the way that I love you.

This is me taking the temple marble that was once dry and crumbling, and polishing it back to life.

With my own hands, body, I now take you back.


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Only a few days Left To Save On Self Massage

 

There is only one week left to receive the introductory price of $99, before the course returns to it’s regular price of $197.

No, this course is not the same as laying on a massage table, because that would be putting your body in the hands of another.

Self-massage is about putting your body in the hands of its Mother.

Click here to begin taking your body back right now.

TESTIMONIALS_NOLA_RETREAT_SOFIA“Loving myself, not just my body, has been quite a journey. Since practicing the self~massage regularly, I can actually feel self-love physically in my being, from head to toe.

Self love is no longer an intellectual concept but a physical, cellular one. My body feels infused with love and acceptance. Thank you.” – Sofia Torres De Chiappetta

P.S. – Click here to begin enjoying Self Massage right now!

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A Radically Different Way To Love Yourself

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Hazelnuts,

You’ve heard me say many times that self-love is more than just a game of the mind.

In order to have a genuine experience of LOVE, our thoughts and beliefs are a crucial first step.

But we cannot stop there.

When you love someone or something; be it a partner, a friend, a child or even an animal, you hug them, cuddle them, caress and kiss them.

That is because touch causes the hormones oxytocin and prolactin to be released, which are the physical components of bonding and love.

This chemical reaction, a literal potion of love, happens when you touch another person.

But it also happens when you touch your own skin and body.

Touch is the physical manifestation of love.

Our bodies are starving for tender, loving touch.

But not everyone has the time or money for a professional massage every week, let alone every day.

And mindlessly slapping on lotion after a shower every morning won’t satisfy your hunger.

That is why I’ve taken my 15 years as a professional body worker and created something brand new, unlike ANYTHING ELSE out there.

Are you ready for self-care to feel fun and sexy, rather than obligatory?

Would you like to learn a skill that will bring you back to your body anytime, anywhere?

Let’s revolutionize your self-love affair RIGHT NOW.

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P.S. – There has never been a better time to invest in the most sustainable source of happiness at your disposal: feeling deeply at home in your own skin.

Click here and let’s get started.

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Tea Parties, Love Almanacs, and Faux Fur EVERTYTHANG: December Swoon!

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Fox Tails,

Happy December, and welcome to our monthly feature of delectable delights: Swoon! In this month’s issue you will find a fine variety of books, articles, accessories and ideas; all that are currently tickling me pink.  I love writing this feature for you every month – enjoy every morsel!

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Are you as hopelessly romanced by tea parties as I am? If so, this gorgeous hardcover guide will set you straight on how to do it RIGHT.  Delicious recipes, dazzling images and cheekiness abound in this beautiful book.

Kate Spade, just stop it already with your faux fox long gloves! Swoon indeed!

“For a woman … ‘to be’ in the fullest sense is ‘to sin’. A rich, rewarding article that provoked me in all the right places.

 

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This jacket from ASOS + wax jeans + a black lace bra underneath = all I want for Christmas is YOU.

The one and only Gala Darling dazzles us again with a positively STUNNING 2017 Radical Self Love Almanac.  (and a feature by yours truly!) Prepare your eyes for a grand feast.

Words cannot describe the charm and romance the that the Chateau de Gudanes blog provides.  They even have their own advent calendar in the shop, which makes my inner 5-year old squeal like a Provencal Piglet.

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Balthazar…Cellaring…Degorgement.  I could spend days delving into the rich, complex language of wine.

This vintage leather+suede trench is hard to resist for prowling the streets like an International Spy.

Custom Pin-Up Girl wrapping paper, don’t mind if I DO!

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Juicy wisdom from my pal Kate Northrup on the connection between money, sex and power, and why it is spiritual to be rich.  (OM.)

Marvelous muffs to protect your precious ears this winter!

What are YOU doing New Years Eve?

 

Did you enjoy this article? Click here to tweet it! 

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A Quick Tool For When Things Are A Hot Mess

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Rosebuds,

Recently I received an email from a client who had thrown out her back and was laid up on the couch. She was FREAKING OUT about all the areas of her life that needed tending but was literally paralyzed to take action on. She asked:

“I can’t help feeling like this is a sign that I need to let go. I know there is a part of me that needs to soften, but I’m so afraid that if I do that it will all fall apart.”

I think we can all relate.

Just the other day I was recalling a time when I was deep in the trenches of my eating disorder, and how I used to pray for body acceptance. When I look back on it now, I can see that what I was really praying for was to lose weight. I had read somewhere that once you accept your body as it is, that is when you start magically dropping the pounds!

I certainly wasn’t praying to love myself as I was, because that would mean “letting myself go”.

I never in a million years thought I could accept, much less love, much less want to have sex with myself exactly as I was, the way I do now.

I wrote back to my client with an assignment to help separate letting go from letting yourself go, two concepts that easily become enmeshed.

I’d like to invite you to do this exercise with me now.

  • On the left side of a page of paper, write one or two different areas of your life: job, career, family, love, friendships, body, etc.
  • Next to that column, make two new columns – one that says “Let Go”, and one that says “Give Up”.
  • For the next five minutes, fill in the two columns on the right. Just let your consciousness take a big, fat dump. :) Ready? Go!

What I find every time I do this exercise, and what I hope you found too, is that letting go is in fact quite different from giving up.

We think letting go will turn our lives into a hot mess.

But in fact, letting go is often the most GRACEFUL thing a person can do.

Letting go means being like the gorgeous river stone that allows water to shape it into smooth, polished perfection.

Letting go means taking an elegant bow to the power of being fluid over being solid.

Letting go means WE, instead of just me.

Letting go means admitting that the my human mind is in fact limited in what it has the power to do, and that if I’m willing to loosen my grip, even just a little, I make room for help to arrive.

You know who really ROCKS at letting go? A rose.

As the Mae West of the floral world she arrives tight and closed, concealing soul-quenching beauty beneath her folds. The price of admission to that big burlesque of a bloom? To just…patiently….wait.

The definition of the word “let” is: “to allow”.

The definition of the word “go” is: “to move from one place to another”.

Imagine if all you had to do to make real progress, and move from one place to another, was to slow down and allow?

(To my client who asked the question: makes the couch seem a hell of alot more productive, hey?)

With A Wet Handful of Smooth Pebbles,

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Image via Flirty Fleurs

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When Body Shame Sneaks Up Behind You

Snow Angels,

As the holidays approach, particularly Thanksgiving which we are celebrating this week in the U.S., it is common to feel a nagging sense of impending body anxiety and a fear of overeating.

Today I’d like to share an insightful tool as well as a page from my personal diary, so that you can leave that nonsense at the door and fully enjoy all the beauty and connection that this season is truly intended for.

I absolutely LOVE my body and feel incredibly sexy and at home in my own skin.  But despite all the work that I’ve done to get there, there are still moments where body anxiety and shame can catch me off guard.

For example, the other day I was noticing a feeling of, shall we say, flabbiness? Wiggle and jiggle? Tightness in my jeans and bloating all over that made me feel, well, FAT?

When this happens there are usually two voices that start up a rousing round of psychological tennis in my mind:

Voice #1 says: Oh God! I’m gaining weight! I’m unsexy! I’m bloated! My value is disappearing before my very eyes!

Voice #2 says: Fuck you! That’s bullshit! I will not play into the mindf*ck that tells me my waistline and my value are the same thing, so shut it!

If Voice #1 is the lead character in Mean Girls, Voice #2 is her tattooed twin sister.

Notice, that Voice #2 may seem like an anarchist at first, but when you listen closely you will hear that Voice #2 is really just anxiety about HAVING body anxiety.

When it comes to these twin sisters, you and I both know that putting duct tape over their mouths will only bolster their creativity and that they will find even sneakier ways to get to you.

(Like when I was a rascally little kid and would find all my Christmas presents early, so my Mom would look for better hiding spots, which really only improved my sleuth-like skills in the long run.)

Silencing them won’t work because these ladies actually have some deep wisdom to offer you.

quote-human-body-is-sacredClick to tweet this quote!

When you feel fat, or old, or ugly, or stupid, or any other type of appearance anxiety, I implore you to take a moment and realize that these things are not actual FEELINGS. 

These words are adjectives. 

A FEELING on the other hand, is a noun. Which begs the question:

What is it that you are really feeling?

When I was experiencing the wiggle and jiggle the other day, I sat down and asked myself this very question.  Here is a page from my own self-archaeological diary, and the jewels that were dug up from deep within that fertile earth:

Ok, I feel fat. But I know that fat is not a feeling. So what is it that I’m really feeling?

Well, I’m dating someone new that I really like, and we have become quite serious.  He’s going to be here in 15 minutes.  I feel really scared about this relationship.  I feel like I’m just starting to really enjoy being alone after getting divorced, and I’m scared that it’s too soon.  I’m scared that we’ll fall in love, but what if someday we wake up and he doesn’t love me back? Or I don’t love him back? Wouldn’t it be better to dance with the devil I know, than risk having my heart broken again?

Ahhhh, so what I’m really feeling is scared.

As I wrote these words I realized that I had been placing all of this fear, anxiety and intensity on my poor little bloated belly.  I had been blaming her for my feelings of insecurity and nervousness, because it is so much easier to think that the unknown can be controlled by doing a juice fast to reduce bloating, than it is to face the truth that love is shaky and messy and unpredictable.

Once I came to this realization, I felt an enormous weight lift off my belly.  She went from being a verbally abused little kid, crying and hiding in the corner, to a lighthearted, cartwheeling, happy little princess once I began to direct my feelings appropriately.

This process always teaches me that my body is not a battleground.  It is an oracle.  A teacher.  A friend.  It holds and absorbs the fears that my mind is just too afraid to look at square in the eye.

But when I slow down to listen to and unpack all that she is holding for me, I can discern my own truth, and I become free.

I do hope that this tool offers you an experience of  knowing yourself more deeply, and connecting with the most precious, sacred, sexy part of you this holiday: your white hot truth.

With Love, Wiggles and Happy Jiggles,

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5 Heroic Books I Can’t Put Down

Dewdrops,

As the leaves fall and curl up on the ground getting ready for their long winter’s nap, I too find myself curling up inside.  I’ve been spending more time at home, going to bed earlier, and downright living in the bathtub.  Cozy is my middle name these days, and few things make me feel more cozy than a great book.

Today I want to share some favorites with you that have recently crossed my nightstand.

You won’t find any seduction books on this list, but you will find Sacred Seductresses. 

These books are memoirs of The Heroine’s Journey, and each have seduced my sensual soul.

What books can you not keep your hands off of these days? Tell me in the comments….

Savoring every page,

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In The Time Of The Butterflies

by Julia Alvarez

This book is historical fiction about the Mirabal sisters, four revolutionary (literally) women who were part of the rebellion against dictator Rafael Trujillo in the Dominican Republic in the 1950’s. It is so full of passion, beauty, grace, heartbreak and feminine truth. You will LOVE it.

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Gift From The Sea

by Anne Morrow Lindbergh

This book is pure POETRY. Each chapter takes a different seashell as a metaphor for a woman’s life and map to her heart. I understand my soul so much better any time I read a chapter from this lyrical book.

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The Maeve Chronicles

by Elizabeth Cunningham

This series follows the fictional (or is she?) character “Maeve” (known to us as Mary Magdalene), though her entire life journey. Maeve is a relatable, deep, fiery character and her storyline defines the word epic. Pick up this three part-series if you want a mystical, juicy, sacred experience of all sides of the feminine soul.

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The Undomestic Goddess

by Sophie Kinsella

This is my most favorite piece of “chick lit” ever written. It is a fictional story about an overworked corporate lawyer who makes a huge mistake in her career, which eventually leads her home to herself. It is funny, sweet, cozy and delicious. A great bedtime read!

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Love Warrior

by Glennon Doyle Melton

This book is a memoir of a true heroine’s journey. I listened to it on audiobook and found it so riveting I would actually get in my car with nowhere to go just to hear another chapter! Glennon shares deeply and transparently about her own process of learning to accept pain as a friend and a teacher, and come out on the other side a victorious warrior. I LOVED this book.


INSTAGRAM CHALLENGE WEEK ONE WINNER!

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Congratulations to all our seductresses on sharing the beauty of their adornment practice in the #SacredSeduction November Instagram Challenge! This week the winner of a “Get Loved” Prize Pack including the You Are Loved Box Set and Daily Love Cards from Olivine Atelier is….@diana0504!

It’s never too late to join, click here to follow me for daily inspiration and tag #sacredseduction in your posts to enter!

Photos clockwise from top left: @kittycavalier, @nadee_guy, @mgoodm12, @kittycavalier, @heroinetraining, @channynw, @jamphoto, @petalebyshirleyann, @beautyliesinhereyesbysa

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Chasing Approval? Read This.

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Cherry Blossoms,

Let’s do a little exercise. You with me?

Cucumbers.

Don’t think about ‘em.

Just for a minute.

Can you do it?

It’s really simple!

Just don’t think about cucumbers!

…..

Okay…how’d it go?

I ask you this because taking control of our thoughts is something that has been, well, heavy on my mind lately.

Specifically when it comes to our collective quest to detach from what other people think of us.

I am about to make some really big changes to my business. “Winds in the east, mist coming in” as Bert would say in one of my favorite Sacred Seduction® movies, Mary Poppins.

I feel really itchy and unhappy with the “information product” business model. I long for connection; to be with my community in-person, skin on skin, voice to voice.

In designing this restructure I have been instructed to stop looking at what other people in the industry are doing and stop caring what people think.

Which of course just sends me straight to Instagram to obsess over people’s lives and how I need to be like them in order to be doing things right.

Have you ever noticed that trying not to think about something often will drive us straight into the lovin’ arms of that very thing itself?

(Hence the cucumber analogy.)

To explore this idea, I’ve recently unsubscribed to pretty much every piece of content marketing that hits my inbox, even the things and people I truly love.

In doing so, I’m noticing what it is I truly yearn for, rather than just consuming everything comes my way.

And here’s what I’ve learned:

The secret is not to care less about what other people think.

The secret is to care MORE about what you actually care about.

For me, that’s looking at mansions in Barcelona for a 2017 Seduction Retreat. (she says as her eyes turn into hearts that make the sound of a 1920’s car horn.)

It’s planning more in-person experiences, less recorded MP3’s.

It’s dancing more, reading more, traveling more…computering less.

In doing so I feel my energy curling back up inside me; condensing, focusing, becoming more potent.

Look out Lovers. Somethin’ is brewin’ and ’bout to begin…

Spit Spot,

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P.S. – Want to see me LIVE in your city? Drop me a comment.  I want to hear from you!

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November Instagram Challenge!

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Cherry Blossoms,

The last time I was in New Orleans, I stumbled upon the home of my own personal Fairy Godmother. It’s a boutique on Magazine Street called Love It, and the owner Danna Lee is an icon. Her shop is filled with floor length fringe, silk kimonos, handmade top hats and long lavalieres.

This treasure trove of items is matched by her warm, caring, artistic energy that wants to obliterate the walls keeping you from your full style potential.

I long for women like Danna Lea in my life; women with a voracious appetite for the type of beauty that shocks the senses alive, and make it their life’s mission to pursue it, relentlessly.  So, to satisfy that longing, for the month of November I’ve decided it’s time to become one.

I’d like to invite you to join me in The Sacred Seduction Adornment Challenge for the month of November on Instagram!

Every day you will receive a prompt to inspire your adornment practice –  in your wardrobe, your home, your office, your body; any place, any way it tickles your fancy to create beauty on the spot.

Snap a photo and post it on Instagram with the tag #sacredseduction and you will automatically be entered to win one of our four rockin’, seriously stylin’ prizes (see below).

Join me and a community of seductresses from around the world as we walk our style one step closer to the edge of glory!

 

Guidelines for posting

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Snap a photo inspired by the daily prompts (found here), upload it to Instagram and use the tag #sacredseduction.  If you miss a day no worries, just join where you are at!

Please note that this challenge is not just about your wardrobe. It is about actively creating beauty in in new ways everyday.  Let the prompts inspire you in whatever direction feels best – your clothing, your bedside table, your car, your office, your makeup – wherever and whatever!

Make sure to keep up with the other babes posting by searching #sacredseduction, then like and comment kindly on their posts! Beauty begets beauty, share the love!

 

PRIZES

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Every time you post you will be entered to win one of the following incredible prizes.  Prizes will be chosen at random once per week.

WEEK 1: GET LOVED

From Olivine Atelier, a “You Are Loved” beauty mist box set, as well as a gorgeous deck of Daily Love Cards.

WEEK 2: GET POUNDED

From POUND Jewelry, a beautiful opalite pendulum for divination, cleansing and increased sexiness!

WEEK 3: GET STYLED

From legendary stylist Scarlet Chamberlin, a 20-minute personal style session over Skype to answer all your questions and give your wardrobe a professional level of style prowess!

WEEK 4: Get SEDUCED

A 20-minute private Sacred Seduction Coaching Session with Kitty Cavalier and a handwritten love letter delivered straight to your door.

I can’t wait see your posts! Click here to follow me and let’s inspire each other!

Viva La #SacredSeduction,

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