Eyeliner As A Means To Enlightenment

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Dear Turtle Doves,

Last week when I was having A DAY, a friend texted me to ask how I was doing.  I texted back with the image above on the left. After one long cry, some deep conversation, a tie-front top and some tulip pink lipstick, I texted the image on the right as a follow up a few hours later.

It is truly amazing how investing time and attention to beauty can give my mood, my outlook and my confidence a 360° makeover. It’s not because I’ve made myself look more “presentable”. Beauty rituals give me the space to luxuriate in deep creativity, with my own body as a canvas to my art. 

I was raised a good little catholic girl who ran barefoot through the woods on the weekends.  Lipstick, glamour, high heels, and sensual beauty was reserved for a different type of woman than the one I was expected to be.  (That type of woman being a SLUT.)

As an adult, learning the craft of beauty has been a great act of individuation and claiming my true self.  It has freed me to leave behind the girl I was raised to be, in order to create the woman I was born to become.   This is a crucial shift: to realize that your beauty is not there to please someone else, it is there for your creative pleasure, to adorn and ornament the powerful, magnificent, feminine creature that you are. 

For most of us however, our beauty rituals have been robbed of their goddess given joy because of the lies we’ve been told by the media and beauty industry, many of which are sneaky tactics to secretly erode your confidence and make you buy their product!  

Well, when it comes to brainwashing, I’D LIKE TO TURN YOU ON TO A DIFFERENT KIND OF SHAMPOO.

This week I will be hosting a live class called Eyeliner: A Means To Enlightenment, and I would love to have you there as my guest.  In this hour I will teach you:

  • The truth about beauty: what our ancestors knew, how things have changed, and how to reclaim your beauty as a source of creative power
  • How to choose your products based on your own VALUES, rather than what the industry tells you you should buy
  • How to use a mirror in the way it was originally intended: as a source of sly pleasure, rather than a tool of constant criticism
  • My personal “quickies”, short, fast tips and practices that will instantly connect you to the sacred power of adornment
  • A special ritual to start fresh with your adornment practice, and go forward to beautify yourself with courage, authentic expression and deep self-love

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This is an exclusive education that you won’t find ANYWHERE ELSE.

Join us for this power hour of love & lip gloss – click here to reserve your spot now!

 

 

 

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If You Ever Feel Like The Anti-Seduction…

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Recently I experienced a pretty traumatic event in my life, and currently I feel like lighthouse that is out of service on a foggy night. My normal spiritual tools of cheering myself up with red lipstick, big adventures, grand dinner parties and dancing the night away could not be further from my mind. And that is just fine by me.

Today I was in a coffee shop and there was an adorable, chirpy little barista taking orders. I walked up to the counter looking like Baba Yaga herself (pictured above), the ultimate iconic hag witch. The barista chirped away lovingly trying to infect me with her joy.  In fact, there were hot, attractive people all around the coffee shop, each saying good morning to me, making eye contact, smiling and the like.

I wanted to slap them all.

Actually that’s not true.  I didn’t want to slap them, I just didn’t want them near me.  I just didn’t want anything or anyone near me other than a small circle of family and friends that I know and trust.

It is no secret or surprise that feeling sad, angry and alone is not exactly honored in our world, collectively or individually.  No one is immune from the impulse to pop a pill, buy a self help book, or bully themselves into “being more grateful” to try to escape the feeling of sadness and self-pity. 

But there is a big difference between wallowing in self-pity and marinating in the truth of how you feel. (click to tweet!)

QUOTE. THE TRUTH OF HOW YOU FEEL

 

I define Sacred Seduction as attraction through authenticity. Right now, I feel decidedly un-attractive. Opportunities, people, chances to be happy or “cheer up” are passing me by like cars speeding down a highway, and I am completely content to remain here in my lawn chair watching them pass, not feeling attract-ive or attract-ed to a single thing.

True seduction is an act of surrendering to your own true nature. And like all things in nature, seduction is cyclical.  It cannot be rushed. To do so would be like showing up to your own birthday party while your friends are still hanging the decorations. You’ll be disappointed, they’ll be pissed. So for today, though it is uncomfortable, I am content to wallow in this silky darkness, knowing that my willingness to do so is the exact lubricant necessary to move me closer to next phase of coming alive again.

Now, I turn the spotlight to you in the comments:

How do you practice soaking up your darkness like a sponge? What are your methods and tools for trying to feel deeper, rather than just trying to feel better?  I read every one of your comments, and would be so grateful to hear your wisdom.

With my best Baba Yaga bad breath,

KITTY_CAVALIER_ICON(1)

 

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Lullabies, Lipstick & Erotic Tarot: July Swoon Is here!

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The July Edition of Swoon is hot off the press my pets!  This monthly feature includes a steamy line up of products, articles, oddities and adventures that currently tickle me pink.

Enjoy, and as always, stay swoonable!


 

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  • I admit it.  I am one of those people who feels like they are accomplishing something when they add things to a Pintrest board, even if that board has no relevance other that collecting images of beauty.  My current three favorite boards are Beauty, Whimsy, and Kitty Style. Enjoy!

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  • Secret trick for sleepy time: play the Pandora Lullaby station while getting ready for bed.  Even your yawns will look cuter.
  • If you’ve never watched the Burlesque Hall Of Fame’s Vimeo Channel, you are in for a serious treat! SO many legends at the top of their form.  Prepare to be dazzled!
  • Your party guests will never stop talking about the erotic Tarot Reading they received when you bust out  “Le Tarot des Femmes Erotiques.” Absolutely spellbinding.

 

*P.S. – Do you have a product or offering you’d like to see featured in Swoon? I love featuring and supporting small businesses and crafters! Email me at kitty@kittycavalier.com and let’s talk.

 

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The Proudest Moment Of My Life

When my father passed away after a bicycle accident two years ago, we had 72 hours to spend with him before he passed.  He was unconscious for most of it.  People are often aghast when they hear the story of how suddenly it all happened, but actually, having those precious three days felt almost luxurious.  I believe his final act of kindness was staying alive so that we could take the time we needed to process and say goodbye.

In that somber and swollen moment just after his spirit had left his body, it naturally felt like some sort of prayer was in order, however I don’t really pray with words.  I find them cumbersome and complicating in moments such as these. Personally, I pray with beauty.

I took a yellow rose I had brought from home and peeled off the petals one by one. I created a makeshift basket out of tri-fold hospital paper towels and walked around his bed, adorning his body.  Each petal was a prayer of love, a tangible tribute to his physical form.

I then took an essential oil blend called “release”, and I anointed his forehead, followed by the bottoms his feet, symbolizing my prayer for him to have a smooth transition, and letting him know he was free.

Beauty takes moments that could be riddled with and darkness, and miraculously, it lets in the light.  

Without beauty, this memory could have been a trauma in itself. But because of beauty, I will always remember my Dad’s body shining as beautifully as a bright yellow rose.

Beauty not only heals, it entices. For example, this week I got invited to two co-working dates.  One took place in a crowded, noisy coffee shop a few minutes from my house.  The other, hosted by my friend Marianne, was about a 30-minute drive through the mountains.  Marianne’s invitation however, featured homemade zucchini fritters followed by a visit to a nearby swimming hole where the water is so clear you can see straight to the bottom.

It was an easy choice to make.

Beauty can take a dull and ordinary workday, and transform it into something romantic, memorable, and extraordinary.

So the next time you feel the urge to put a wedge of lime in your water glass, light a candle next to your bedside, wear lipstick for no reason or take yourself out to a fancy dinner just because it’s Tuesday, please remember that these things are not frivolous, or silly, or a waste of time.

Indeed, beauty is what you were designed for. (click to tweet!)

BEAUTY IS WHAT YOU WERE DESIGNED FOR. QUOTE

Oh so Fondly,

KITTY_CAVALIER_ICON(1)

 

 

Image by Becca Kannapell

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Sex With A Salmon

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Tonight, I had sex with a salmon.

I let it enter me, tease me, and seduce me all the way to the center of my guts.

I’m talking about my dinner of course.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the topic of entering, penetration, communion. 

Sometimes when I eat dinner I look mindlessly at my phone.  But when I think about it, if I was in bed being penetrated by a lover, I would never be checking social media.

So why should it be any different with my dinner?

I owe it to this salmon to wrap my lips around it. 

To open WIDE.

To let the oxygen fill my mouth, making this a glorious threesome.

To feel the reciprocity between my taste buds leaning forward, and the salmon diving headfirst towards my tongue, offering me ecstasy in the flesh, even in it’s death.

It reminds me of when I made my first communion.  I went to church for 10 days in a row just to feel the unity of my budding senses with my roaring spirit…over….and over…and over again.

I give myself to this penetration of flavor as deeply as it gives itself to me.

And in doing so, I am reminded of the reason we call it “saying grace.”

Image: Vera Lair via Stocksy

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Sensuality, Even At A Funeral

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When my Dad passed away two years ago, one of the things I found very therapeutic was shopping for and choosing my mourning outfits. To me, dressing for an occasion is a profound way of marking it’s importance.  Beauty heals, there is no doubt about it.  We dress up for graduations, weddings, job interviews, hot dates.  Why wouldn’t I meticulously plan my outfit to honor my Dad’s magnificent life?

I knew I wanted to look sleek, chic, and sensual. I ended up purchasing a sheer, spaghetti strap, floor length black dress. I slipped into it the night before the funeral and padded downstairs to get my Mom and sister’s opinions.  As I got to the bottom of the stairs, my mom’s eyes widened.

“That’s waaaaay too much skin to show at church,” she said with knee jerk disapproval.  I disagreed, but she was adamant.  In that moment I had a choice to make. I could:

Option #1: Stomp my foot and clench my fists like it’s 1993, bringing us all back to the beginnings of my teenage religious rebellion.

Option #2: Solemnly utter an “ok Mom”, place my beautiful dress back on the hanger and just get over it because you are not supposed to challenge your poor Mom after such a traumatic event.

Option #3: Tell my friggin’ truth.

My truth in that moment was:  

  • I am a grown woman, and I know myself.
  • When I feel sexy and embodied, I revel in all the pleasure that is available to me, even in deep grief.
  • There is nothing wrong with showing skin in church, because my body is my church.

I relayed my truth to my Mom with my head held high, and my bare shoulders proudly rolled back. She understood immediately and withdrew her knee jerk reaction.  I went into that day feeling strangely like a bride, marrying the mystery of life and death, love and loss.  I know my Dad would have been proud of me, because I showed up completely, wholly, unapologetically as myself.

 
Your body is a church.

Don’t let anyone tell you different. (click to tweet)

With shoulder blades singing,
KITTY_CAVALIER_ICON(1)

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IS THIS A CONTAINER OR A CAGE?

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Raise your hand if you have ever approached “bringing more feminine energy” into your life in this way:

1. “I am going to read every book I can get my hands on about sensuality and the divine feminine from start to finish and not stop until I change!”
2. “I am going to eat my dinner slowly and sensually EVERY SINGLE NIGHT from now on.”
3. “I am going to look in the mirror and blow myself a kiss EVERY DAY.”

Recently I was speaking with a client who wanted to incorporate more dancing into her life.  She had purchased a class pass at her local dance center, and chose one with a strict expiration date, “to make sure I go” she said.   “Of course I didn’t use it,” she followed, with a casual “you lazy idiot” implied in her tone.

This client of mine, she is dedicated to the divine feminine.  She is a pillar of it in my eyes.  And, this conversation really made me think.  We have so many practices, tools, techniques, classes and rituals to help us un-school the domestication of the feminine within ourselves.  HOWEVER, it is important to remember that these things exist as a CONTAINER for remembering our wild feminine, NOT A CAGE.

Rules, rigidity, good vs. bad, pass vs. fail, all these reek of a cage.

Boundaries, inspired ideas, and the freedom to commit to certain practices while living in the moment, all sing of a healthy container.

When you catch yourself:

  • Beating and berating yourself for doing something poorly or not doing it at all. AND/OR….
  • Constructing an A++ obstacle course to attain an ideal state of personal growth that is nearly impossible to complete…

I encourage you to slow down, or in most cases, stop completely.  Notice, where is this frenzy happening in your body? And if we could give it a voice, what would that sensation say?

Spoiler alert: your ego (straight lines) may think it hears something along the lines of “stop global warming”.  But the soft quiet voice of  your belly (round curves) will probably say something like “drink a glass of water”.  It is the mind f*ck  of the century to open to the possibility that there is no right or wrong, good or bad, A+ or F-, way to go about your day.  It is wildly subversive to indulge the idea that simply by inhaling and exhaling you are already contributing all that is actually required of you in the dance of life, and that anything beyond that is just icing on the cake.  

Wild, subversive, soft, grand, humble – sure sounds like someone I’d like to get to know.

With all the love in the world,
KITTY_CAVALIER_ICON(1)

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Big Canvas, Baby Strokes

Snowballs,

I have a desire to tell you about.  It’s strong, potent, and lifelong. I desire to buy a chateau in Southern France and outfit it to become “The Seduction House”, a divine shelter for seductresses like you and me to be in our natural habitat. Imagine with me…

“…sleeping in a cozy, antique four-poster bed under fresh, white, luxury linens as the morning sun streams in through your windows, and a lavender breeze tickles you awake. You drape a dressing gown over your shoulders and pad down to the formal dining room. Under grand, rustic chandeliers you dine among some of the most passionate, creative, interesting, openhearted women you will ever meet.
 
During the day we have charm school lessons in the parlor where guest teachers come from all around the world to reveal their secrets of living a seductive, sensual, pleasure-based life.  In the late afternoon we ride bikes down to the sparkling sea and swim naked in that same water that inspired the art of Picasso, Monet and Van Gogh.
 
In the evening we are entertained by artists, singers, dancers, fire performers and burlesque queens in the basement that has been renovated into a grand theater.  And at night, we merrily gather around the huge living room fireplace in fluffy robes to close out the day with a fragrant cup of tea and a smooth nightcap.”

I so look forward to the day our first guests pull into the gravel driveway lined with topiaries, their eyes widening with delight. But that day is not today my loves. In fact, today just happens to be one of those days where I feel like The Anti-Seduction. And the only thing worse than feeling like The Anti-Seduction is knowing you have all the tools to get back to  your right mind, but absolutely no motivation to use them.

When our desires feel as far off and uncertain as The New World to an early explorer, how do we keep the wind in our sails?

Four Words: Big Canvas, Baby Strokes.

When I was a kid I was obsessed with the Pointillism. Pointillism is a technique of painting in which small, distinct dots of color are applied in patterns to form an image. In the quest to create The Seduction House, it feels like I want to make big, broad strokes and go much faster than what my current expertise and resources are ready for. But the true seduction of a deeply held desire is much more subtle; it is a long game, made of several small strokes all put together. Think of all the the footsteps that go into running a marathon, or all the touch strokes that lead to a mind-bending orgasm.  One big move won’t get you hardly anywhere, but savoring every step and feeling every stroke most certainly will.

What coins are you throwing in the fountain of your desires these days my loves? I always love to hear from you in the comments.  And, if you know any French real estate agents….{wink}

Je T’aime,

KITTY_CAVALIER_ICON(1)

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Mother Mary, Summer Hats, Tassels & Tea. In other words, swoon with me!

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Love buttons,

I just returned from an amazing week in Mexico at the Astrotwins’ Become Your Own Astrologer Retreat (dates for 2017 now open, check them out!).  What a week! I’m feeling rosy from the sun, delirious from the giggles, and full to the brim with goodness to share – cue the April edition of Swoon! Swoon is a semi-monthly feature where I spill the beans on all my most recent favorite things.  I hope you enjoy!


Photo Apr 13, 5 19 39 PM 1. “Out of the ash I rise with my red hair and I eat men like air”, is just one of 40 completely bad-ass sentiments by Sylvia Plath, curated here.

2. Tea and tassels – a winning combo.

3. I just ordered a fresh deck of these epic Mother Mary Oracle Cards for the upcoming Eve’s Redemption Seduction Retreat.  Every reading with them is like sitting down with the Goddess herself.  HIGHLY recommended!

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4. Brain is the new ass. Like if you agree!

5. Stop the F*cking PRESS! There is now a Miss Fisher Coloring Book! Miss Phryne Fisher is my ICON.  No one exemplifies Sacred Seduction in action like this woman! I’ve watched every episode twice and I advise you to do the same!

6. As a devoted wearer of the hollywood red lipstick shade Ruby Woo by Mac, I’ve found a new hot-pink lover that I can’t keep off my lips.  “All Fired Up”, is a muted, matte fuchsia perfect for spring!

Photo Apr 13, 5 23 08 PM7. Really interesting piece on monogamy, hooking up, fulfillment and satisfaction.  Charlotte Shane writes: “It doesn’t take long to realize that having lots of sex is not synonymous with sexual satisfaction, and even sexual satiation is not synonymous with joy or larger fulfillment.” What do you think?

8. HELLO Spring Statement Shoe!

Photo Apr 13, 5 22 22 PM9. This white quartz mobile  will add a seductive, earthy, bohemian vibe to your space.

10. Ever scramble for topics to talk about on a date? Not anymore!

11. “The only romantic thing left in life is a hat.” Mimi Weddell. This straw cloche is my summer go to.

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“Getting The Spark Back” FOR REAL

Low angle view of lit firework sparkler against night sky

One of the most common questions I get asked by my clients is how to bring the spark back to a long term relationship. If you google “get the spark back” you will find a thousand and one answers to that question. “Act as if you have just started dating again, buy flowers, make eye contact over dinner, invest in some fuzzy handcuffs, etc.”

These things are fabulous instigators for spark, but let’s get clear about something: they are SYMPTOM based solutions.  It’s kind of like dieting.  There is no lack of education in our culture about how to lose weight, and yet, the diet industry continues to grow by leaps and bounds each year because despite all this information, the body is not something that can be controlled like a basil plant in your kitchen.  It is wild and alive with ever changing appetites that are governed by more than just refueling.  Celebration, self soothing, unplanned events and other factors are natural forces that turn the tides of our cravings, which is why calculated systems for controlling your appetites almost never work.

If you’ve been in class with me before, you know that I don’t teach pick up lines or anything else related to the traditional paradigm of seduction, at least not at the start. What I do teach is how to listen to the true longings of your heart.  I will teach you how to live openly, honestly, and with bold authenticity. There is nothing, and I mean NOTHING more sexy than feeling seen, heard, and DESIRED by your partner for being exactly who you are. That kind of relationship does not lack for spark, and that is exactly the type of relationship I want for you.

I may not teach how to get the spark back in the traditional way, but I do know how to light a fire inside you, and my signature program, Sacred Seduction Deep Dive, which starts Monday, is a seven-week intensive to do just that. In Deep Dive I will teach you how to be a powerful, sovereign, juicy, sassy woman. I will teach you how to be true to yourself no matter what.  A woman like that is a seduction powerhouse.  When you own every part of your truth you don’t need pick up lines, because you will have returned to your instincts.

Saturday is the last day to enroll.  To say yes to your spark, say yes to your truth, and say yes to yourself, click here and join us.

deep dive program

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