When pain is medicine

then the risingYou know how some people choose a word as their theme for the year ahead? When I look back on 2017, if I could choose a word retrospectively, it would probably be PAIN.

2017 was the year that I let pain have its way with me. All the behaviors I had previously used to numb or soften pain (booze, boys and spending namely) came to a complete stop.

When someone speaks of a dramatic transformation, there is usually a statement like “one day I realized” or “one day I just decided,” and after that life becomes a golden butterball.

I call bullshit on this.

I know that if the soul could speak, it would say “one day the pain became so unbearable, I had no choice but to do things differently.”

Some nights the pain was so bad I felt like it was burning me up. And it did burn me up, thank God. It burned me up so good it burned away all the bullshit.

What was left behind is the truth of who I really am.

It all came down to this: I’d rather live a boring life that’s true, than glamorous life that is an illusion. (tweet it)

Today, my life isn’t boring at all. (Well, sometimes it is, but I know now that that’s because I’m human, not because I’m boring.) I am a different person than I was a year ago – more grounded, less afraid, more honest, and definitely more genuinely happy.

I share this with you today because weekends – Sundays especially – were always the hardest times. If you are having a hard weekend, if you are in the burn, please remember that pain is it’s own kind of medicine. When you stop telling it to shut up, it becomes teacher rather than just torturer. And you are not alone.

This process is far from over for me. But as someone whose made it to the other side of the burn more than once, I can say with absolute conviction that it is SO. WORTH. IT.

First the pain, then the waiting, then the RISING. ❤️ I love you.

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