8 Awesome Party Ideas For Grownups

party ideas


Dear Ones,

It’s Friday night.

You’ve had a long week and are dying to go do something fun, dazzling and exciting. You scan the local calendar for music, art or dancing, but don’t see anything that tickles your fancy. You text a friend to see if they’d be up for a night out, but they already have plans. You prod your partner for a date night but they are already in their PJ’s.

You sigh, flop down on the couch, and resign yourself to a boring night in.

Perhaps you enjoy boring nights in (I often do!), but you still long for exciting, enticing invitations that will create meaningful connections and lasting memories.

Does this experience sound familiar?

Are you waiting for the social life fairy to bonk you on the head with her wand?

When I moved to from New York City to the Blue Ridge Mountains two years ago, I know I sure was. I spent many weekend nights alone, frustrated, wishing for my N.Y. days of spontaneously meeting up with a friend for a late night at the 24 hour spa, or gathering for Sunday brunch and eating exotic food that I still can’t properly pronounce.

Living in a smaller city has pleasantly shaped me in many ways. It has made me less impulsive and more responsible. I am so much happier with so much less. I’m not constantly chasing the comet’s tail of excitement wherever it will lead, and I feel so much more content with who I am.

But no matter where I live, my culture loving, razzle-dazzle, inner Zelda Fitzgerald will always be alive and well in some capacity.  And this is a woman with NEEDS.

I adore this quote from the New York Magazine column, Ask Polly:

“When you go from doing whatever comes up and hating it, to being a visionary socializer who makes inspired, exciting plans with people who are deeply craving new, more meaningful ways of interacting, your life will change.”

After reading that quote I realized that when it comes to my social life: I must be the party I wish to attend.

“But I don’t know how to throw a fabulous party! Besides, I don’t have that many friends!” are all thoughts that may be running through your mind, as they did mine.

What I have learned from my own experiment is two key things:

1. Anyone can throw a party, for any reason.

I’ve thrown heartbreak parties, sensual chocolate tasting parties, it’s-Tuesday-night-and-caramel-corn-exists-so-let’s-celebrate parties. It really doesn’t have to be fancy or complicated. Spending tons of money and cleaning the house within an inch of it’s life are not requirements to throw a great party. If you’ve warm bodies, focused attention and good lighting, you’re already ten steps ahead of the game.

2. Everyone you know is longing for meaningful, in-person connection.

In-person connection is a delicacy these days. We are DYING for a reason to get out of the virtual world and dive into real, live conversation.  The best party memories are not made by the quality of cocktail napkins, they are made by the quality of connection between the people who attend.  Remember this as your priority to prevent getting lost in the swirl of trying to create the perfect party.  You already are the perfect party!

So, where to begin? Don’t worry doll, Kitty’s got you covered with eight jazzy, snazzy ideas to put this insight into action and be the party you wish to attend!



  • Pampering Party

Have everyone bring over their favorite spa products for a group spa night! You could even hire a massage therapist.  Have everyone contribute $10-$20 and offer chair massage in another room while you and your friends catch up over cucumber water on the couch.

  •  Sommelier Wine Tasting Party

Most local wine shops would be thrilled to have you come to their store (or may even be willing to come to you) to host a group wine tasting. Or to keep things more simple, ask each person to bring their favorite bottle of wine with them to the party, and to do a little research on it in advance, then share that info with the group!

  • Oracle Dance Party

If your friends are open to a bit of woo-woo comin’ through, gather for an Oracle Dance Party. You’ll need space to dance and an awesome playlist with different kinds of music. How it works: each person gets a turn to sit in the center of the circle and share for a few minutes on an area of their life where they need support. Then, you hit shuffle on the playlist, and everyone gets up to dance the full song, listening for messages as they move. The group then returns to the circle, and  shares insights, messages or intuitions they received for that person in their dance. Credit to Rochelle Schieck and my Qoya family for this super fun, incredibly meaningful party experience!

  • Lingerie Party

Many lingerie boutiques will happily close early for a group to come in for a private shopping party. The staff will give you detailed attention and often offer fittings. You could even hire a burlesque dancer to come in and teach you some sensual moves to kick off the night! Tip: Bring your favorite shoes and do your hair and makeup to prepare.  I always find my lingerie shopping feels infinitely more luxurious experience with these details attended to!

  • Arts and Crafts Party

Are you a sucker for the sight of construction paper and a glue stick? Does glitter make your heart beat a little faster? Does a watercolor set make you swoon? Host a gathering for creative playtime! You could make homemade greeting cards, art postcards, or just create art for arts sake!

  • D.I.Y. Dinner and Dancing

You serve the Hawaiian fare while one of your friends learns and teaches the basics of the hula. Or, you learn a few Flamenco steps and put your friends in charge of the Paella and Tempranillo. There are literally thousands of videos on YouTube to learn the basic steps of almost any kind of dance. Add a little regional dish and voila! A magical evening is born. Samba and caipirinhas here we come!

  • Costume Seance

Invite each guest to dress up as their favorite historical figure. Light candles and say some prayers. One person sits in the center of the circle, and guests take turns asking questions of the person in the middle, who answers as the person they have dressed to honor!

  • Heartbreak Party

Some of my most cherished parties have been celebrations of life’s most difficult moments. I have had breakup parties, divorce parties, parties to honor the dead, rage parties, you name it! Choosing to celebrate the dark times rather than pushing them away changes our perception of difficult moments. (The people of New Orleans do this so well.) Second line parade here we come!

I hope you enjoy these party ideas, and that they spark your own limitless imagination. What are some of the most memorable parties you’ve ever attended? I’d love to hear about them in the comments! 

Wiggling and Giggling,


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3 Hot Tips to Make Flowers Last Longer

One day while strolling through the Union Square Farmers Market in New York, I came upon a booth with the most gorgeous flowers wrapped in brown paper.  You could tell that the man selling them took his work very seriously. 

I stopped to talk with him about the different varieties for sale, and he spoke about each bouquet like they were his children. He was what I call “A Beauty Keeper.”

Whenever I encounter A Beauty Keeper, I feel like a fly who is happily drowning in a pot of honey.  People whose work is to bring beauty into the world are magical, sacred creatures to me. I can’t get enough of them! 

After all, beauty is what we turn to in times of grief and joy.  Beauty is how we mark the celebration of a milestone.  In even the most desperate times, beauty helps us remember who we really are.

When I purchased a dozen, swollen pink roses from this man, he bestowed upon me three masterful tips to release his pride and joy into my care.  With spring right around the corner, it is my pleasure and delight to deliver them to you today!


 1. Prepare a vase with HOT tap water to place the flowers into. 

The water should be hot as in “yowza” when you touch it, but not so hot you can’t touch it at all.  The heat increases the amount of water the stems can drink in,  causing them to last longer, and also slowly seducing the bloom into being. (note: this is true for most flowers, but if you have a particularly delicate flower such as an anemone, use lukewarm water instead.)

2. Add a penny to the vase.

The copper in the penny adds acidity, keeping the water and the flowers fresher for longer.

3. Cut stems at a 45 degree angle under running water.

Any time the cut stem comes into contact with air, it increases the speed at which the flower will decompose.  For that reason, cut the stems using a knife at a 45 degree angle, removing about one to two inches of the stem.  Once cut, immediately place the stem into the vase of hot water.

After care: change the water and snip the stems every 1-2 days.

Not only will this keep the water fresh, I find that this keeps my bond with the flowers fresh too! It’s an act of love and appreciation for the beauty they bring to my life. An act of beauty for a thing of beauty, because after all:

Beauty begets beauty. (Click to tweet!)

Once the flowers start to die, don’t throw them out!

Take the flower petals and sprinkle them in the bath, across your doorstep, or keep them in the refrigerator in a plastic bag for your future adorning needs.

May these tips bring as much joy and reverie to your life as they have to mine.








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Satin Gowns, Sexy Coasters & Siren Intellectuals: March Swoon!



Happy Spring Sweet Ones!

I’m thrilled to bring you the March edition of Swoon! Swoon is a monthly feature of all things currently tickling me pink, that I think will bring a healthy blush to your cheeks too.  Happy Swooning!

Photo Mar 08, 4 52 18 PMWords can hardly articulate how passionately I follow @trans.disney. Medicine for the eyes and the heart.

Oooh la la la LA! Thank you Table Teasers for putting four of my favorite real life burlesque stars on these adorable coasters!

We Ab-Fab fans can now even use Edi and Patsy quotes when referring to our Journals!  (“It’s a Lacroix sweetie, alright? A Lacroix.”)

Photo Mar 08, 4 53 40 PM

Venice to Paris on the Rolls Royce of trains.  Want to go?

J’Adore these gorgeous pastel dressing gowns, perfect for a Sunday morning in Spring!

Do you love the NY Times column Modern Love? Me too.  Check out their top ten articles of 2017 that has sage wisdom for real life loving.

Photo Mar 08, 4 54 17 PMThe wildly successful book “Stories for Rebel Girls” now has its own PODCAST that will read you feminist bedtime stories!

To me, The most fascinating part of any language is the stuff you can’t find in the dictionary.  Check out these 11 Italian Words & Phrases, and take a Meriggiare this afternoon.

Ninon De Lenclos was a legendary intellectual, entertainer, and skillful courtesan. We have much to learn from this zesty babe! Click here to read her story.

2018 Retreats

Bonus: Only a few spots left in my Europe and U.S. retreats – grab them while you can!

Do you dream of eating grapes still warm from the Tuscan sun, looking out over the sparkling Mediterranean as you sip a peppery Chianti, and learning the art of sensuality in its native home, Italy?

Or perhaps you want to deep dive into learning your personal astrological Venus blueprint through intellect AND embodiment, high up in the gorgeous, most ancient mountain range in the entire world?

There are three spots left in Tuscany in the Fall (one private room just opened up!) and two spots left for Venus Rising in the Blue Ridge mountains this summer.  I’d love to meet you join us in these adventures of a lifetime!


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Meditation For Zesty Babes

click here to join us!

We know know that meditation has a myriad of benefits: clearer thinking, lower stress levels, more presence, better sleep…even better sex!

So how come it’s so hard to keep up a meditation practice?

For most of my life I detested the practice of meditation, quite righteously.

The singing bowls, the seriousness, the monotone voices…UGH! Nothing could make me want to throw on a shimmy belt and tap shoes faster. And I don’t even tap dance.

But you know what they say – when you resist something with that much force, it probably means there’s a diamond waiting to be revealed if you just loosen up the squeeze.

When I found my own way with meditation through a practice that honored my need for pleasure, sensuality, embodiment and beauty; I completely changed my tune.

As a result I am more calm, present, and GENUINELY happy than ever before in my life. I am able to hang in there and not run away during tough times, and I am able to notice beauty and grace in places I’ve never noticed it before.

Plain and simple, presence is power. (click to tweet)

Most meditation traditions began as a way to navigate a masculine, monastic life of obedience, poverty and chastity.

As a zesty babe with an active life, sitting for half an hour in total silence may just not be your jam.

It’s time to practice meditation through a more feminine lens, in a way that works for your body and your life.

Every Wednesday in March at 1pm ET, I will be leading a free 20 minute meditation for zesty babes just like you. These calls will leave you feeling relaxed, refreshed, and best of all, more present to all the beauty and pleasure life has to offer.

The calls will be recorded, so at the end you will receive a total of four meditations to practice with again and again.

This experience is 100% free. You have nothing to lose, and everything to gain.


Meditation For Zesty Babes - A Free Course

P.S. – If you really want to go for it with this series, I strongly suggest you invite a girlfriend or two. Your accountability and impact will DOUBLE when you share this experience with a friend!

Copy and paste this link: http://www.kittycavalier.com/meditation or click to invite your tribe on Facebook and Twitter!

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Unstoppable Confidence (Wrap Dress Optional)

confidence dvfclick to tweet!

There are many of tools for feigning confidence, which is great for faking it til you make it. But how do we actually….make it?

Yes there are quick hits like donning a new lip gloss and improving your posture. (Both of which I fully endorse.)

But sustainable confidence, unshakeable confidence, yoga-pants-covered-in-dog-fur-and-pepper-in-your-teeth-but-you’re-still-hot-and-you-know-it kind of confidence (hey, she did say you can make ANYTHING look good), that confidence comes down to one thing babes:


Character is who we are when no one is looking.

Character is also who we are when everyone is looking, and we choose what’s true even if it’s not what’s common.

Character can be telling the truth, setting a boundary, listening to someone without planning how you’re going to respond, or loving someone for who they are instead of who we think they should be.

Character is forgiveness.

Character is cleaning up your own side of the street before pointing out someone else’s mess.

Character is offering help in cleaning up their mess if they ask for it.

Character is this and a whole bunch of other things.

Put all that in a wrap dress, and sister you’ll be unstoppable.



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A God You Can See & Touch

A God You Can See & Touch

Butter Beans,

Recently I was listening to a woman speak on spirituality, and she shared a beautiful story about how several years ago her house had burned to the ground.  “It was a devastating loss,” she said “and yet it was the greatest blessing, because it brought me out into the country, where I found a God that I could see and touch.”

My ears perked like a wolf.

As a lifelong seeker, I seem to always be doing  just that. Seeking.

Why do I go to dance and yoga classes? Seeking to feel the divine in my bones.

Why do I abstain from addictive patterns? Seeking to make space for the divine in my life.

Why do I hike and pray and meditate? Seeking to hear the voice of the divine in my thoughts.

Of course, the reason I do all this seeking is because it often feels joyous.

But there are also times where it feels utterly LABORIOUS.

So when this woman said that she found a way to see, taste, feel and touch God, I drew in closer to take notes on where to find the shortcut.

“By moving to the country I took up a hiking meditation, and started to notice the miracle of an acorn becoming a tree, and the fact that every single day, the sun rises and sets without me having to do ANYTHING to make it happen.”

My gaze drifted outside the window to the trees which were bare from the freeze of winter, naked without noticing, like Adam and Eve.

I looked at the muddy grass which, currently  brown and showing no signs of life, was quietly hibernating like a sleeping bear under the frozen ground, gathering and containing it’s energy for the roar of spring.

I looked up to the moisture in the sky we call clouds, always changing, always moving, just like the moisture inside my very own cells.

I know that finding God/Goddess/The Divine in nature is not news.

But there was something about that particular moment where it occurred to me that any time I’m feeling alone, anytime my seeking feels like it’s going nowhere, anytime I feel like the voice of God can’t be heard, or the presence of God can’t be felt, all I need to do is look out the window.




Tangible. Physical. Alive.

Thank the sweet baby Venus.

All my love,






Image via Everyday Parisian

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Announcing A Brand New Retreat!

venus rising retreat

Bon Bons,

When I say the word Venus or Aphrodite, what usually comes to mind?

Dark chocolates and hot make-outs? Wild romance and lacy lingerie?

Like most things when it comes to womanhood, this narrow definition barely scratches the surface of the role Venus energy plays in our lives.

The planet Venus influences:

  • Your personal style and what you wear
  • How and why you spend your money
  • Every relationship in your life: friendships, parents, children, co-workers and intimate partners
  • What parts of the world you feel drawn to
  • How you like to be courted and cared for
  • Your personal love language

We all have a specific astrological blueprint when it comes to the planet Venus, where our needs and desires in life are literally pre-written in the stars.

Your Venus (your innate, pleasure driven, erotic nature) is ever flowing throughout your life. The problem is, usually the only place Venus gets a voice is in bed with a lover, on a first date with a new love interest, or in relationship with a life long partner.

This is like having a full deck of cards but only getting to play with ONE of them.

The result is that you feel deprived of the succulence, joy and pleasure of being alive.

If you want to see healthy Venus energy in action, just look at any little girl.

She has an insatiable drive for play. She is naturally drawn to beauty. She loves to dress up in her personal style, no matter how eccentric it may seem. She is clear about what she wants, and asks for it without shame.

We all have this innocent, playful Venus energy at our core.

But in a world that seeks to dominate and control a woman’s pure, innocent, playful erotic power, these round curves get constricted and penned in by all the straight lines that are expected of her.

If your Venus energy has been buried, ignored, or misguided in the direction of only serving others for far too long, allow us to welcome you to…


June 6-10th 2018 in the beautiful Blue Ridge Mountains of North Carolina

venus is more than a concept

Imagine Qoya movement every morning, three delicious, gourmet meals every day, a special chocolate tasting ritual, hundreds of rose petals, luxurious gifts, evening candlelight Pleasure Yoga, extravagant Goddess rituals like you have never experienced…and so much more!

There are only 15 spots available, and for a limited time you can enjoy $200 off the tuition.

Click here to learn more and join us at this gorgeous feast for the senses!

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An Investment Guaranteed To Payoff

An Investment With Guaranteed Payoff

Get that money, girl


When it comes to resources, there are three that top the list:

1. Money

2. Time

3. Energy

The thing is, when it comes to efficiency, these are listed and treated in a backwards order.

We usually put all of our attention on growing and squandering the first two, when what we are really after the whole time is #3.

Have you ever watched a three year old in action and thought “God, if I had that much energy, I’d get so much done!”

Children have a limitless amount of energy to support their growth. When we become adults, it’s not so much that our energy drains.

It is that we are taught faulty investment strategies when it comes to the use of this resources.

Examples of these faulty investment strategies:

– Fake smiles

– Sitting all day

– Putting the need for production ahead of the need for pleasure and fun

If we were in school for investing, this strategy would be considered a lesson in TOTAL LOSS.

I got rear ended recently, and the insurance company called my case a total loss, meaning the value of the car did not exceed the amount it would cost to perform the repairs.

I wonder what would happen if just for one day, you prioritized investing in your energy first and foremost?

What would give you the biggest ROI’s at the end of the day?

What would change in your routine if your intention was not producing and earning as much as you can, but protecting and nurturing the energy that allows you to produce and earn in the first place?

What if instead of milking your energy reserves until the teats run dry, or falsely stimulating milk (energy) production with hormones and synthetics, you simply gave your body the time and space to create more milk? Even if that is only  a few deep breaths, right….now?

This is definitely one gamble worth taking.



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Are you sitting on your assets, but calling them flaws?

django_wide-c0793de0a0caa09c3c110ffc92186147641e510dDear Ones,

Do you love a good miracle story?

Especially one about a legendary 1930’s French musician with a polka dot tie and a pencil mustache?

Good. Read on.

Yesterday was Django Rheinhart’s bithday.

Mr. Reinhardt was one of the greatest guitar players of the 20th century. He was born in Belgium in a wooden trailer to a family of Roma (or gypsies, as they’re commonly called.) The word gypsy gets quite romanticized these days, but in 1910 this was no glamorous title. Being a Roma meant being an outcast; distrusted and persecuted wherever you went.

Django was a wildly talented self-taught musician, mastering the guitar and banjo as a child, and playing Paris nightclubs in his teens. But one night in 1928, at the age of 18, a tragic fire brought on by a dropped candle set his caravan aflame. He and his young wife made it out alive, but his leg and hand were badly burned.

He permanently lost the use of two fingers on his left hand.

For many, that would have meant the end of their career. But Django persevered. He adapted his playing to accommodate the loss of his fingers and went on to become one of the greatest jazz musicians of all time.

In fact, many say that it was BECAUSE OF his impairment that his music had such personality and distinction.

Did you catch that?

Not in spite of his impairment. BECAUSE OF.

His flaw became his greatest asset.

Before I started performing burlesque, I couldn’t even wear short sleeves because I was so ashamed of my arms, not to mention the rest of my body.

But when I started attending burlesque shows and saw legends like Dirty Martini,  Little Brooklyn,  World Famous *BOB*, Tigger,  Jo Weldon and Perle Noire, I saw that it wasn’t conformity that made them so spectacular. It was their NON-conformity that made them irresistible to watch.

When I started performing myself, the best compliment a fan could give me was to say “After watching you, I feel so much permission to just be exactly who I am.”

In my case, my once perceived flaws – my belly and hip flesh that jiggled, my breasts that swung low – were now my greatest assets.

The Course in Miracles says: “A miracle is just a shift in perception from fear to love.”

What “flaws” might you be trying to hide right now, that may just be your greatest assets waiting to be uncovered?

What miracles have you been searching for, that you may in fact be already sitting on as we speak?

Hit play on this playlist I made for you, and Django may just help you find out.

Rooting for you,


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When pain is medicine

then the risingYou know how some people choose a word as their theme for the year ahead? When I look back on 2017, if I could choose a word retrospectively, it would probably be PAIN.

2017 was the year that I let pain have its way with me. All the behaviors I had previously used to numb or soften pain (booze, boys and spending namely) came to a complete stop.

When someone speaks of a dramatic transformation, there is usually a statement like “one day I realized” or “one day I just decided,” and after that life becomes a golden butterball.

I call bullshit on this.

I know that if the soul could speak, it would say “one day the pain became so unbearable, I had no choice but to do things differently.”

Some nights the pain was so bad I felt like it was burning me up. And it did burn me up, thank God. It burned me up so good it burned away all the bullshit.

What was left behind is the truth of who I really am.

It all came down to this: I’d rather live a boring life that’s true, than glamorous life that is an illusion. (tweet it)

Today, my life isn’t boring at all. (Well, sometimes it is, but I know now that that’s because I’m human, not because I’m boring.) I am a different person than I was a year ago – more grounded, less afraid, more honest, and definitely more genuinely happy.

I share this with you today because weekends – Sundays especially – were always the hardest times. If you are having a hard weekend, if you are in the burn, please remember that pain is it’s own kind of medicine. When you stop telling it to shut up, it becomes teacher rather than just torturer. And you are not alone.

This process is far from over for me. But as someone whose made it to the other side of the burn more than once, I can say with absolute conviction that it is SO. WORTH. IT.

First the pain, then the waiting, then the RISING. ❤️ I love you.

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