When pain is medicine

then the risingYou know how some people choose a word as their theme for the year ahead? When I look back on 2017, if I could choose a word retrospectively, it would probably be PAIN.

2017 was the year that I let pain have its way with me. All the behaviors I had previously used to numb or soften pain (booze, boys and spending namely) came to a complete stop.

When someone speaks of a dramatic transformation, there is usually a statement like “one day I realized” or “one day I just decided,” and after that life becomes a golden butterball.

I call bullshit on this.

I know that if the soul could speak, it would say “one day the pain became so unbearable, I had no choice but to do things differently.”

Some nights the pain was so bad I felt like it was burning me up. And it did burn me up, thank God. It burned me up so good it burned away all the bullshit.

What was left behind is the truth of who I really am.

It all came down to this: I’d rather live a boring life that’s true, than glamorous life that is an illusion. (tweet it)

Today, my life isn’t boring at all. (Well, sometimes it is, but I know now that that’s because I’m human, not because I’m boring.) I am a different person than I was a year ago – more grounded, less afraid, more honest, and definitely more genuinely happy.

I share this with you today because weekends – Sundays especially – were always the hardest times. If you are having a hard weekend, if you are in the burn, please remember that pain is it’s own kind of medicine. When you stop telling it to shut up, it becomes teacher rather than just torturer. And you are not alone.

This process is far from over for me. But as someone whose made it to the other side of the burn more than once, I can say with absolute conviction that it is SO. WORTH. IT.

First the pain, then the waiting, then the RISING. ❤️ I love you.

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Italy Is Calling, And We Must Go


As we begin this new year, you may be thinking about a life change – a new chapter.

You may be feeling like last year went by so fast, as all years seem to do, and you are determined to do things differently this time.

You want 2018 to be the most sensual, embodied, pleasure filled year of your life.

And I am thrilled to announce that your timing is just perfect.

Today, The 2018 Sacred Seduction Tuscany Retreat is officially open for enrollment.

There are many ways to tour Tuscany, but none like this.


Take a moment and imagine yourself…

…being woken by the sound of sweet birds perched high in the olive trees outside your bedroom window. You stretch your body across fine cotton sheets and open your eyes to the 17th century villa you call home for this week. You look out the window and see rolling hills, gorgeous gardens, perfectly lined vineyards and bubbling marble fountains.

After a delicious gourmet breakfast of fluffy eggs, homemade granola, freshly picked fruit and fine Italian coffee, you walk to a secret garden to dance and move your body in a Qoya class, with the warm Tuscan sun on your back. You spend a luxurious morning studying the feminine arts alongside some of the most interesting, heart-centered, hilarious women you have ever met.

After a farm-fresh, delicious lunch you head into the city of Lucca for a few leisurely hours of shopping and sightseeing, concluding the afternoon with a slow glass of wine while people watching on the piazza.

Upon returning to the villa you take a sunset swim in the garden pool, then dress for an elegant dinner, followed by an evening of surprise, sensory delights and meaningful transformation.


This retreat delights you with all the pleasures of Tuscany, while inspiring and daring you to grow into the sensual, confident, powerful woman you have always longed to become.

  • “Italy was my wake up call. Before the retreat I identified as a victim of a hurtful love relationship, repeatedly telling myself and others I was unhappy and unsure of myself. Post-Italy, I have matured into the hero of my own story of independence.” LISA KRAFT
  • “This retreat was the deepest relaxation and calm I have felt in over 20 years.” NATALIE KNIGHT
  • “The tools I learned continue to transform me every day. I walk this earth with a reverence I didn’t know how to access before the retreat. It’s a feeling every woman deserves.” LAUREL DUNCAN

The 2017 retreat sold out in ten days.

These rooms will go FAST so click here to grab yours! And yes, there are payment plans available!

I can’t think of a more powerful way to begin this year than by investing in your power, confidence, pleasure and presence.

Click here to join the adventure of a lifetime!

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New Year, New Reasons to SWOON!

Swoon by Kitty Cavalier



I am so pleased to bring you 2018’s first edition of SWOON! If you’re new to Swoon, it is a monthly blog feature where I deliver all the articles, items, and ideas that currently send me to the fainting couch in delight.  Get your feather fan ready, here we go!


Photo Jan 08, 9 07 05 PM

  • I recently re-watched the movie Advanced Style with a friend who had never seen it before.  When she asked  why I love it so much, my answer was: “Often the image of Divine Feminine calls to mind a woman in robes with her hands in prayer.  But when I think of the Divine Feminine, it is these women I see.”  If you haven’t seen this movie, run, don’t walk to watch it now!
  • The creators of the movie also made this COLORING book which I promptly ordered an now proudly own.
  • Calling all Harry Potter Nerds who also happen to be Glamazons!

Photo Jan 08, 9 14 45 PM

Photo Jan 08, 9 16 17 PM

Photo Jan 08, 9 17 43 PM

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The One Intention You Can Count On This Year

The One Intention You Can Count On This Year

Dear Confetti Sprinkles,

I’ve noticed a trend lately, and I’m wondering if you’ve seen it too.

A flood of meme’s and updates that say something like:

“I’m going to SLAY 2018!”

“I’m going to KILL IT in 2018!!”

“2018 better WATCH OUT!!!”

These are usually following, or right alongside, pictures of people stomping on, hitting, or tossing 2017 in the garbage.

Do you also notice, that it is usually the same people every year who post these images, simply switching out the current year for the year before?

As I set my intentions fireside on New Years Eve, I did not ask for anything specific. “The truth is” I wrote, “I may think I know what I want, but I have very little idea of what I actually need. So my only true intention this year is to be a woman of character.”

I, like you, have no clue what this year will bring.

Most likely, it will bring lessons, growth, hardships, joys, surprises, and more. Just like the year before it, and just like the year before that.

I do not wish to slay it, or kill it.

I wish to PARTNER with it.

I wish to be shaped by it, to work with it, to meet it like a friend who I can count on to be brutally beautifully honest.

While we can’t control time itself, we can control how we allow time to shape us. (click to tweet)

Will we take the challenges of this year and allow them to make us more kind, wise, and discerning?

Will we meet our next New Years Eve stomping on ’18, hoping  lucky 19 will be our saving grace?

Or will we bow to 2018 the way a student bows to their teacher, with quiet reverence and respect?

We’ve got 362 days to find out.

Rooting for you,


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The Pace Of Grace


Ribbon Curls,

Recently I was on the phone with a girlfriend who is going through a really tough, WTF, skin-on-fire kind of breakup. 

When I asked her how she would like to be supported, she opted for feedback. “As trite as it sounds, what if we just took this a day at a time?” I asked. 

“A day at a time??” she yelled back. “Every day I wake up in hell, then stay in hell all day, then pray for sleep until 4am, then I wake up in hell all over again! Why would I take this a day at a time when every single day SUCKS!?” 

It was a very, very valid point. 

“Okay….” I replied, “How about one minute at a time? What if for the next 60 seconds, we just sit here together and breathe?

I know it won’t take the pain away. I know it won’t change things. But I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. And I know we can get through the next 60-seconds if we do it together. Ready?”

Our one minute came and went. 

It wasn’t easy. 

It wasn’t pretty. 

But we made it through. Together. 

This my friends, is the pace of grace. 

The pace of grace doesn’t happen in grand sweeps.

It happens one breath, one minute, one heartbeat at a time. Like a baby’s toenails.  

I know it sounds funny, but come on! Baby toenails don’t get there because of one bold wave of The Toenail Fairy’s wand! They gracefully grow one heartbeat, one breath, one moment at a time. 

May we all remember, that all great things are created one breath, one heartbeat, one moment at a time.

Inhaling + Exhaling,


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Feel Everything


Dear Ones,

I know that for you, self-love is more than just personal.

It is more than manicures and marshmallows.

Self love is an act of rebellion, and a form of resistance.

That is why I want to share with you one very simple, easy way you can change the world, right now.


The action is: be in your body.

That’s it.

Whatever is happening in this moment, just be there in the body that is yours.

Right now.

Why, and how does this change the world?

Being in the body requires that we feel.

Feeling causes empathy.

Empathy causes us to care for each other.

Can you imagine if all world leaders were given rigorous, relentless training on how to take The Sacred Pause before making any big decisions?

It would be a much kinder, caring world indeed.

I want that world to be our reality.

That is why every one of my programs follows a different path, but each leads right back to the same sacred and holy place: Your Body.

A woman who understands the importance and the power of embodiment is House of Loveness founder, Betsy Blankenbaker.

In her book Autobiography of an Orgasm (called “the anti-Fifty Shades of Grey” by the U.K.’s Sunday Times) Betsy’s writes in candid detail about studying sensuality to heal her body and mind from sexual assaults.

Without the journey to back to the body, Betsy would not be the world changing truth teller she is today.

This is why every purchase from the Flash Sale Fundraiser comes with a bonus gift of Betsy’s book, as well as a copy of my own, so that on the journey of coming how to your body, you are supported every step of the way.

Betsy and I would be so proud to be on your team.

There are only a few hours left to save, and 20% of all purchases go straight to House of Loveness.

Here’s to feeling more, settling less, and making this world a more peaceful and pleasurable place for all.

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Sweet Friends,

I love a good end of year sale.

You love a good end of year sale.

But what we BOTH love even more, is an end of year sale with a PURPOSE – amirght???

That is why for 48-hours only I am having FLASH SALE!  $100 off every course and free gifts with every purchase!

Even MORE exciting than the sale however, is that 20% of every purchase goes to a very special organization called House of Loveness.

House of Loveness was created by my dear friend Betsy Blankenbaker; a wise, old-soul kind of woman with sparkling eyes and a contagious laugh.

She is also one of the most sensual women I know.  She is the author of Autobiography of an Orgasm; a sexy, spiritual memoir of Betsy’s decision to study orgasm as a way to heal her body and her heart from sexual assault.

26175726_1681415308569725_1448270740_n I want to take a moment to tell you the extremely compelling story of how House of Loveness was born, and what your purchases during this sale will support.

During the height of the Zimbabwe cholera epidemic in 2008, four abandoned newborn babies were brought to a local hospital in a wheelbarrow.  

The nurses at the hospital gave each of the children names.  There were three boys and a girl. The little girl’s was named Loveness.

Betsy learned about Loveness through a friend, and immediately sent a letter to the hospital stating a desire to adopt her. She spent the next three weeks immersed in the process of adoption and preparing her home and her heart for a new child.  Betsy left for Zimbabwe (having never been to Africa before) with 300 lbs of donations from family and friends for the four babies, and ready to meet her new daughter with open arms.

After 20 hours of flying and weeks of physical and emotional preparation, Betsy arrived at the hospital, and was greeted with unexpected news.

Just hours before her arrival, Loveness had died.

In fact, all four of the babies had died.

She met Loveness for the first time in the hospital morgue.

In Betsy’s words: 

“On December 2nd I buried Loveness in a local cemetery in a field of fresh graves.  In a white coffin Loveness was surrounded by the four baby boys whose unclaimed bodies had been in the morgue for more than week. I threw dirt on all five coffins while nurses from the hospital sang beautiful African songs. The moment I buried Loveness,  Zimbabwe became my back yard, and House of Loveness was born.”


Since that day in 2008, House of Loveness has provided children with housing, education, meals, transportation to school and so much more. It has recently expanded to offer much needed medical care and jobs to women and mothers.

This 48 hour sale runs from from 12:00am Wednesday until 11:59pm ET on Thursday.

20% of every purchase goes to the women and children of House of Loveness.

I am so proud and excited to draw 2017 to a close by supporting the efforts of this very special organization that is founded, fueled and run by LOVE.

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Community: It’s Not Just The People You Like (It’s More)

community quote

Snow Angels,

When it comes to community, I used to thing that word meant a big gang of friends to have impromptu Friday night pot lucks with. That’s part of it, but more and more I’m learning that community simply means: the person standing next to me.

A place that has taught me so much about community is my local yoga studio, Asheville Community Yoga. They are a world class studio that is completely non-profit. They believe yoga should be for available everyone, whether you can afford it or not. If you can’t give back with money you can give back with time. Everyone comes together to keep this place not only running but flourishing. It inspires me so.

In this age which allows us to keep in close touch with friends all over the world, I find it’s easy to feel like I have a million friends, but not a strong sense of “community.” I’m committed to changing that in 2018.

I’m daring myself to have a party for all my neighbors I haven’t met yet. I’m volunteering for the Carolina Abortion Fund. I’m going to host Friday pot lucks (rather than just wish for them), and encourage every friend to bring a new friend we don’t already know.

In 2018 I’m committed to investing in my community members, whether I know them or not, whether I like them or not. (P.S. – usually I find that if I don’t like them, it’s most likely because I haven’t taken the time to know them yet.)

As Glennon Doyle says, “We belong to each other.”

Do you too find that in this digital age you long for a sense of community? What are you doing to change that this year?

I would love to hear from you here.

See you at the potluck,



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The Winding Road To Redemption

catholic school image and swingsetIt is the spring of 1987, and I am 7 years old. I am sitting in a church pew, waiting to be called to make the sacrament of penance for the first time. I am a Supercatholic, often fantasizing about joining a convent when I get older. I love God. I am never without my children’s bible. I am JAZZED for this moment.

I feel beautiful and glamorous as I climb the marble steps towards the confessional in my white JC Penney dress and patent leather Mary Janes. I step into the confessional and choose to see the priest face to face rather than behind a screen. The old, wooden kneeler creaks under my knees as they sink into the velvet pillow that covers it. With poise and respect, I inform the priest of my sins. I tell him that the night before I stole a cookie from the cookie jar. I tell him that that morning I did a cartwheel in the kitchen, which I am strictly forbidden to do. I tell him that I spend way too much time outside because I love being on my swingset so much, and when my mother calls me to come inside, I sometimes ignore her.

He instructs me to say three Hail Mary’s and an Act of Contrition for my “sins”. Then and there I decide: if I feel good in my body, it must mean I am doing something VERY BAD.

It is 1999. I am 19 years old, and I am having sex for the second time in my life. I do not really know this man, or like him that much, but the remnants of my virginity feel like a drastically out of style jacket that I am desperate to shirk off. 

Because I have no voice yet, I do not speak up about my discomfort with having the lights on. As we lay there, both of us trying to figure out what to do, I feel awkward and ashamed. As we move I can feel my breasts and belly shaking, quite literally, like a bowl full of jelly.

I am quite certain this jiggle I feel is not what female bodies are supposed to do when they are having sex. If I can’t speak up about the lights, I certainly can’t speak up about how I’m feeling, so I cover my torso with my hands and arms. I look away, and I let my body speak for me.

rk169-4c5bf1c8-ebf9-486e-9b6d-46c18c6c0354-v2It is 2005. I am standing under a hot spotlight at The Slipper Room in New York City, and my heart is beating out of my chest. Hundreds of eyes are on only me. As a trumpet wails, I slyly remove my bra underneath the cover of a big white feather fan. The music climbs, and when it reaches it’s peak I give a sly look to the audience. I drop the fan. Underneath I am wearing tasseled nipple covers that sparkle like a starry night. I shimmy my shoulders, and the tassels spin in opposite directions. The audience goes NUTS, and I feel like a human version of the New Year’s Eve crystal ball; shining and unapologetic, a sacred symbol of celebration, and proud of all that I am.

It is 2017. I am sitting on the floor of a 17th century Tuscan villa. A fire blazes in the fireplace, and the light of a full moon streams in through floor to ceiling windows. Around me, ten women are gathered on plush couches in the drawing room. I am seated on a luxurious blanket with a large mirror before me, about to demonstrate the ritual that has become my church. Warm, comforting candles flicker around the room like guardian angels, and the song Ave Maria bounces off the ancient stone walls.

I allow my robe to drop from my shoulders, and my naked body is revealed. I look deeply into my own eyes until I can see eternity inside of them. I pour warm oil into my cupped hands, and they become both pilgrim and priestess as they glide over my skin. There is no place my hands or eyes are afraid to go. This body is my home, after all.

The path of my spiritual life has not been the straight line my 7-year old self expected it to be. It has been circuitous and labyrinthine. I have climbed literal mountains and traveled thousands of miles looking for God, chasing that lighting bolt moment of spiritual awakening.

It is only when I have stopped searching, and summoned the courage to see God in my very own eyes and flesh, that I feel not only the lighting bolt, but the thunder, the sunshine and the rain along with it.

My greatest hope is that every woman in the world can feel this sense of rapture upon the sight of her own flesh. But how can we, when the only lessons we are given about the female body are how to criticize it, minimize it, deodorize it, and sterilize it of the most holy thing it contains: our humanity? 

That is exactly why I created the program Body Church.

In Body Church we go deeper than just changing the beliefs in your mind, because in order to change the way you feel in your body, you have to involve your body in the process.

You receive 16 interactive mini-lessons, a 40 page full color workbook, and thriving online community. When you sign up today, you will receive the additional bonuses of a free copy of my book, a live kick-off call with me and the group, and $100 off the tuition.

There are payment plans available, and the course comes with a 100% satisfaction guarantee.

This special introductory savings expires tomorrow night, so click here to take advantage of it now.

What we regard as sacred we intuitively respect.

What we respect, we instinctively protect.

body church enroll now

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The Original Supermodels (& A Liberating Mini-Lesson)

george michael
Peppermint Sticks,

I have always been OBSESSED with the music video of George Michael’s song “Freedom.” In the video he featured five of the most prestigious supermodels of the 90’s lip syncing his legendary tune in crisp white shirts and steamy bathtubs. 

We may think supermodels are a phenomenon dating back to the 1970’s, but worship of the female form goes back way farther than that. 

Take this blond Betty on the right for example, the famous sculpture of Venus of Willendorf. It’s TWENTY FIVE THOUSAND YEARS OLD.

Venus is round, ripe, full and voluptuous. Like a heavy Tuscan fig that draws the branch closer to the earth with the weight of it’s nectar, her curves symbolize the abundance and fertility of the earth itself. Just like the Italian hills, you could get lost in her for days.

The Minoan snake Goddess (pictured left) is a mere 5000 years old by comparison. With bare breasts, a snake in each hand and a cat on her head, she is the definition of fierce. She embodies a woman’s ability to shed her skin and reinvent at a moments notice, all while wearing a pleated, floor-length metal skirt.

As I said, worship of the female form is nothing new. What IS NEW is the lens through which that worship is being delivered and designed; otherwise known as “The Male Gaze.”

The Male Gaze is a feminist theory which states that because we live in a patriarchal culture, we cannot help but see ourselves and each other through the toxic lens of patriarchal control. 

The Male Gaze is not just something that lives in men, it is something that lives in all of us. 

Let’s look at an example:

If we look at this advertisement from the male perspective, we see that if he purchases this antiperspirant, he will have his primal need for nourishment addressed by that giant turkey, as well as his primal sexual needs taken care of by this woman’s body. Notice that we don’t see the actual woman in this image, we see her as a caricature, a product to be consumed, just like the turkey in her hands. 

From the female perspective, we see that if we conform to the standards of this image, our sense of power will drastically increase. Why? Because when men control the leadership positions in government, the economy and world religions, being wanted by those in power (men) makes us more powerful by default.

This information may make you want to scream, rage, cry, and spit on the ground. I support you in all of these. But the question remains, how do we unplug from this Matrix we know as the Male Gaze and reclaim dignity when it comes to the female form?

Rebellion is important and necessary, but even more important than our rebellion, is our commitment to reverence.

Here’s the deal:

What we regard as sacred, we intuitively respect.

What we respect, we instinctively protect.

That is exactly why I created Body Church, a powerful 8-week course that will teach you how to create a loving, reverent, respectful relationship with your body.

This course goes deeper than changing the beliefs in your mind. 

To change the way you feel in your body, you have to involve your body in the process. 

That is why every exercise in this program is a physical, tangible practice that will teach you how to move like meditation, how to worship your reflection in the mirror, how to view pleasure as a form of prayer, and so much more. 

There are 16 interactive mini-lessons, a 40 page full color workbook, and thriving online community. When you sign up today, you will receive the additional bonuses of my book Sacred Seduction, a live kick off call with me and the group, and $100 off the tuition. 

Now, I know what you might be thinking. 

“But Kitty, it’s the holidays! All my money is going to buying “stuff”, and all my time is going to other people!”

I hear you sister. 

On a logistical note, please know that this course can be done completely at your own pace and you are supported every step of the way. 

Additionally, right now you can get Body Church for only $197. That’s $100 off the regular price of $297. There are payment plans available, and the course comes with a 100% satisfaction guarantee. 

But more importantly, I would like you to consider that there is no greater gift you can give yourself or the people you love than your calm, confident, focused, present attention.

The greatest cost of subconscious negativity towards your body is the way these thoughts steal your precious attention away from the things you really care about. 

I would be so delighted to support you this season in taking back the keys to your very own temple. 

Click here to join us in Body Church today.

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