When Body Shame Sneaks Up Behind You

Snow Angels,

As the holidays approach, particularly Thanksgiving which we are celebrating this week in the U.S., it is common to feel a nagging sense of impending body anxiety and a fear of overeating.

Today I’d like to share an insightful tool as well as a page from my personal diary, so that you can leave that nonsense at the door and fully enjoy all the beauty and connection that this season is truly intended for.

I absolutely LOVE my body and feel incredibly sexy and at home in my own skin.  But despite all the work that I’ve done to get there, there are still moments where body anxiety and shame can catch me off guard.

For example, the other day I was noticing a feeling of, shall we say, flabbiness? Wiggle and jiggle? Tightness in my jeans and bloating all over that made me feel, well, FAT?

When this happens there are usually two voices that start up a rousing round of psychological tennis in my mind:

Voice #1 says: Oh God! I’m gaining weight! I’m unsexy! I’m bloated! My value is disappearing before my very eyes!

Voice #2 says: Fuck you! That’s bullshit! I will not play into the mindf*ck that tells me my waistline and my value are the same thing, so shut it!

If Voice #1 is the lead character in Mean Girls, Voice #2 is her tattooed twin sister.

Notice, that Voice #2 may seem like an anarchist at first, but when you listen closely you will hear that Voice #2 is really just anxiety about HAVING body anxiety.

When it comes to these twin sisters, you and I both know that putting duct tape over their mouths will only bolster their creativity and that they will find even sneakier ways to get to you.

(Like when I was a rascally little kid and would find all my Christmas presents early, so my Mom would look for better hiding spots, which really only improved my sleuth-like skills in the long run.)

Silencing them won’t work because these ladies actually have some deep wisdom to offer you.

quote-human-body-is-sacredClick to tweet this quote!

When you feel fat, or old, or ugly, or stupid, or any other type of appearance anxiety, I implore you to take a moment and realize that these things are not actual FEELINGS. 

These words are adjectives. 

A FEELING on the other hand, is a noun. Which begs the question:

What is it that you are really feeling?

When I was experiencing the wiggle and jiggle the other day, I sat down and asked myself this very question.  Here is a page from my own self-archaeological diary, and the jewels that were dug up from deep within that fertile earth:

Ok, I feel fat. But I know that fat is not a feeling. So what is it that I’m really feeling?

Well, I’m dating someone new that I really like, and we have become quite serious.  He’s going to be here in 15 minutes.  I feel really scared about this relationship.  I feel like I’m just starting to really enjoy being alone after getting divorced, and I’m scared that it’s too soon.  I’m scared that we’ll fall in love, but what if someday we wake up and he doesn’t love me back? Or I don’t love him back? Wouldn’t it be better to dance with the devil I know, than risk having my heart broken again?

Ahhhh, so what I’m really feeling is scared.

As I wrote these words I realized that I had been placing all of this fear, anxiety and intensity on my poor little bloated belly.  I had been blaming her for my feelings of insecurity and nervousness, because it is so much easier to think that the unknown can be controlled by doing a juice fast to reduce bloating, than it is to face the truth that love is shaky and messy and unpredictable.

Once I came to this realization, I felt an enormous weight lift off my belly.  She went from being a verbally abused little kid, crying and hiding in the corner, to a lighthearted, cartwheeling, happy little princess once I began to direct my feelings appropriately.

This process always teaches me that my body is not a battleground.  It is an oracle.  A teacher.  A friend.  It holds and absorbs the fears that my mind is just too afraid to look at square in the eye.

But when I slow down to listen to and unpack all that she is holding for me, I can discern my own truth, and I become free.

I do hope that this tool offers you an experience of  knowing yourself more deeply, and connecting with the most precious, sacred, sexy part of you this holiday: your white hot truth.

With Love, Wiggles and Happy Jiggles,





Want more? With pleasure...

Sign up here for weekly entries and a free download of the first chapter of my book.

5 Heroic Books I Can’t Put Down


As the leaves fall and curl up on the ground getting ready for their long winter’s nap, I too find myself curling up inside.  I’ve been spending more time at home, going to bed earlier, and downright living in the bathtub.  Cozy is my middle name these days, and few things make me feel more cozy than a great book.

Today I want to share some favorites with you that have recently crossed my nightstand.

You won’t find any seduction books on this list, but you will find Sacred Seductresses. 

These books are memoirs of The Heroine’s Journey, and each have seduced my sensual soul.

What books can you not keep your hands off of these days? Tell me in the comments….

Savoring every page,





In The Time Of The Butterflies

by Julia Alvarez

This book is historical fiction about the Mirabal sisters, four revolutionary (literally) women who were part of the rebellion against dictator Rafael Trujillo in the Dominican Republic in the 1950’s. It is so full of passion, beauty, grace, heartbreak and feminine truth. You will LOVE it.


Gift From The Sea

by Anne Morrow Lindbergh

This book is pure POETRY. Each chapter takes a different seashell as a metaphor for a woman’s life and map to her heart. I understand my soul so much better any time I read a chapter from this lyrical book.


The Maeve Chronicles

by Elizabeth Cunningham

This series follows the fictional (or is she?) character “Maeve” (known to us as Mary Magdalene), though her entire life journey. Maeve is a relatable, deep, fiery character and her storyline defines the word epic. Pick up this three part-series if you want a mystical, juicy, sacred experience of all sides of the feminine soul.


The Undomestic Goddess

by Sophie Kinsella

This is my most favorite piece of “chick lit” ever written. It is a fictional story about an overworked corporate lawyer who makes a huge mistake in her career, which eventually leads her home to herself. It is funny, sweet, cozy and delicious. A great bedtime read!


Love Warrior

by Glennon Doyle Melton

This book is a memoir of a true heroine’s journey. I listened to it on audiobook and found it so riveting I would actually get in my car with nowhere to go just to hear another chapter! Glennon shares deeply and transparently about her own process of learning to accept pain as a friend and a teacher, and come out on the other side a victorious warrior. I LOVED this book.



Congratulations to all our seductresses on sharing the beauty of their adornment practice in the #SacredSeduction November Instagram Challenge! This week the winner of a “Get Loved” Prize Pack including the You Are Loved Box Set and Daily Love Cards from Olivine Atelier is….@diana0504!

It’s never too late to join, click here to follow me for daily inspiration and tag #sacredseduction in your posts to enter!

Photos clockwise from top left: @kittycavalier, @nadee_guy, @mgoodm12, @kittycavalier, @heroinetraining, @channynw, @jamphoto, @petalebyshirleyann, @beautyliesinhereyesbysa











Want more? With pleasure...

Sign up here for weekly entries and a free download of the first chapter of my book.

Chasing Approval? Read This.


Cherry Blossoms,

Let’s do a little exercise. You with me?


Don’t think about ‘em.

Just for a minute.

Can you do it?

It’s really simple!

Just don’t think about cucumbers!


Okay…how’d it go?

I ask you this because taking control of our thoughts is something that has been, well, heavy on my mind lately.

Specifically when it comes to our collective quest to detach from what other people think of us.

I am about to make some really big changes to my business. “Winds in the east, mist coming in” as Bert would say in one of my favorite Sacred Seduction® movies, Mary Poppins.

I feel really itchy and unhappy with the “information product” business model. I long for connection; to be with my community in-person, skin on skin, voice to voice.

In designing this restructure I have been instructed to stop looking at what other people in the industry are doing and stop caring what people think.

Which of course just sends me straight to Instagram to obsess over people’s lives and how I need to be like them in order to be doing things right.

Have you ever noticed that trying not to think about something often will drive us straight into the lovin’ arms of that very thing itself?

(Hence the cucumber analogy.)

To explore this idea, I’ve recently unsubscribed to pretty much every piece of content marketing that hits my inbox, even the things and people I truly love.

In doing so, I’m noticing what it is I truly yearn for, rather than just consuming everything comes my way.

And here’s what I’ve learned:

The secret is not to care less about what other people think.

The secret is to care MORE about what you actually care about.

For me, that’s looking at mansions in Barcelona for a 2017 Seduction Retreat. (she says as her eyes turn into hearts that make the sound of a 1920’s car horn.)

It’s planning more in-person experiences, less recorded MP3’s.

It’s dancing more, reading more, traveling more…computering less.

In doing so I feel my energy curling back up inside me; condensing, focusing, becoming more potent.

Look out Lovers. Somethin’ is brewin’ and ’bout to begin…

Spit Spot,




P.S. – Want to see me LIVE in your city? Drop me a comment.  I want to hear from you!

Want more? With pleasure...

Sign up here for weekly entries and a free download of the first chapter of my book.

November Instagram Challenge!

Cherry Blossoms,

The last time I was in New Orleans, I stumbled upon the home of my own personal Fairy Godmother. It’s a boutique on Magazine Street called Love It, and the owner Danna Lee is an icon. Her shop is filled with floor length fringe, silk kimonos, handmade top hats and long lavalieres.

This treasure trove of items is matched by her warm, caring, artistic energy that wants to obliterate the walls keeping you from your full style potential.

I long for women like Danna Lea in my life; women with a voracious appetite for the type of beauty that shocks the senses alive, and make it their life’s mission to pursue it, relentlessly.  So, to satisfy that longing, for the month of November I’ve decided it’s time to become one.

I’d like to invite you to join me in The Sacred Seduction Adornment Challenge for the month of November on Instagram!

Every day you will receive a prompt to inspire your adornment practice –  in your wardrobe, your home, your office, your body; any place, any way it tickles your fancy to create beauty on the spot.

Snap a photo and post it on Instagram with the tag #sacredseduction and you will automatically be entered to win one of our four rockin’, seriously stylin’ prizes (see below).

Join me and a community of seductresses from around the world as we walk our style one step closer to the edge of glory!


Guidelines for posting


Snap a photo inspired by the daily prompts (found here), upload it to Instagram and use the tag #sacredseduction.  If you miss a day no worries, just join where you are at!

Please note that this challenge is not just about your wardrobe. It is about actively creating beauty in in new ways everyday.  Let the prompts inspire you in whatever direction feels best – your clothing, your bedside table, your car, your office, your makeup – wherever and whatever!

Make sure to keep up with the other babes posting by searching #sacredseduction, then like and comment kindly on their posts! Beauty begets beauty, share the love!



Every time you post you will be entered to win one of the following incredible prizes.  Prizes will be chosen at random once per week.


From Olivine Atelier, a “You Are Loved” beauty mist box set, as well as a gorgeous deck of Daily Love Cards.


From POUND Jewelry, a beautiful opalite pendulum for divination, cleansing and increased sexiness!


From legendary stylist Scarlet Chamberlin, a 20-minute personal style session over Skype to answer all your questions and give your wardrobe a professional level of style prowess!


A 20-minute private Sacred Seduction Coaching Session with Kitty Cavalier and a handwritten love letter delivered straight to your door.

I can’t wait see your posts! Click here to follow me and let’s inspire each other!

Viva La #SacredSeduction,




Want more? With pleasure...

Sign up here for weekly entries and a free download of the first chapter of my book.

The Secret To Lasting Ease


Recently I was working with a dear client who stated the desire for more ease in her life.

There are times when a person states this desire and I know that they need their hand held as we walk to the bathroom, light the candles, fill the bath tub and set a kitchen timer, so unaccustomed to self care are they.

But this particular client was already adept at self care, she was an artist of it actually.

And yet, in her voice, I heard utter exhaustion.

Not the type of exhaustion that comes from too little pleasure and rest, but the kind of exhaustion that comes from using pleasure to cover up your truth.

For example, I once had a boyfriend that let me dress him up like he was my doll.  I’d stick him in a suit and take him to the Oak Room in NYC for the fanciest of fancy dates. We’d dance, we’d dine, he’d rock his little bow tie and we’d have a grand ol’ time.

The morning after however, I would wake up feeling frustrated and empty, wondering why I felt so chronically dissatisfied with him, even though he was so willing to cater to my desires.

I now can see that I was ignoring the most important component of generating true pleasure, which is: TRUTH.

In retrospect I can see that with my date, I believed that if I just costumed him appropriately he’d become the man I was dressing him up to be.

For my client, the task of adding more pleasure to her life would in fact just be creating more work, which is the opposite of the ease she craves.

It’s like there are two tools in our tool box, the feather duster and the wrench.

The feather duster is what you use to improve a situation with your  joy, sensuality, magic and beauty.

The wrench, a.k.a. the truth, is what you use to get in there deep, using potent honesty to do some very heavy lifting.

Is one tool more powerful, more useful, or more superior than the other?

No ma’am.

A chorus line kick is just as valuable as a ninja roundhouse.

Yin and yang, full and dark moon, Madonna and whore, yoga pants and evening gown, feather duster and wrench.

As a Sacred Seductress, you are a holistic creature.  It is all of these tools, not just some of them, that create the mosaic of your beauty.

Cheering you on with a high-kick,










Want more? With pleasure...

Sign up here for weekly entries and a free download of the first chapter of my book.

The Truth I Really Don’t Want To Tell You

Because I am a seduction teacher, people often assume I’m some master of men.  Like I can flirt with any guy or make any man want me, anytime.

Sometimes that can be true.

But the real truth is, I’m often not.

Men still scare me sometimes.  I really have to work at it to relate to them as actual humans, rather than just stereotyping them as minions of patriarchal rule.  Sometimes when I’m around men I still feel like a blubbering idiot, or I shiver like a little lamb on the inside.

I’ll admit, when I first started studying seduction it was because I wanted to feel more comfortable around men. When in the presence of a man, especially in a romantic context, those were the moments I most acutely forgot who I was, and became most cruel and mean to myself.  I could be going about my day feeling fine, but throw a sudden interaction with a guy into the mix and all of sudden I’d start calling myself fat or stupid, and feeling really insecure.

As my practice began to unfold, I realized something. Seduction as a spiritual practice wasn’t about my ability to attract another person, it was about being able to hold onto myself during an experience that triggered my most profound self-criticism.

For a long time I thought the attention of men was the barometer of my seductive power.  It reminds me of a process we call “legitimization”.

Here in the U.S. when a child is born to unmarried parents, until the father’s name is put on the birth certificate the child is considered “illegitimate”.

Dictionary synonyms for illegitimate are: unauthorized, fraudulent, non-existent.

In other words, unless a man will validate your existence, you kinda don’t even exist in the eyes of the culture!

And if Daddy decides he doesn’t want to sign the birth certificate, Mama has to go through a whole legal rigmarole to get him to do it.  (As if she doesn’t have enough on her mind already.)

That’s exactly how many of us feel about our seductive power.  Like unless someone else notices it and validates it, it must not exist.

I used to think that being a seductress meant wearing high heels every day, having sex three times a week and flirting with everything that moved.

But the real truth is, I am never not a seductress. And the same goes for you.

Whether I am dating like firestorm or haven’t entertained a gentleman caller in months, I am still a seductress.

Whether I am entertaining a room full of people or sitting in a corner struggling against the undertow of social anxiety, I am still a seductress.

Whether I am choosing to open my heart or keeping it shut tight like a steel door, I am still a seductress.

A seductress, being a woman who never doubts her powers of attraction.

A seductress being a woman who leads with her most authentic self, not because she has something to prove, but because she has something to GIVE.

A seductress being a slut minus the shame.

Not just a seductress, but a SACRED seductress.

That’s the game I’m in.

And that is how the wheel of Sacred Seduction® turns.  After admitting all this to you, I realize that my lingering fears and insecurities around men really only make me more attractive at the end of the day.

It’s always under the rock of our flaws that we’ll find our greatest assets.

How about you? Tell me in the comments, what’s one thing you struggle to own without need others’ approval?  The more we call out the B.S., the more profoundly we stand in seduction.

Flawed and Fabulous,

k swirl signature




photo by Becca Kannapell


Want more? With pleasure...

Sign up here for weekly entries and a free download of the first chapter of my book.

Lace Leggings, Venus Astrology, and Antici…pation. September Swoon Is Here!




Hello Turtle Dove!

Autumn is almost on the air! Except here in New Orleans, where the heat is as fierce as ever.  I’m writing to you from my annual New Orleans Seduction Retreat, happily anticipating 12 hot babes who have all been waiting over a YEAR for this experience.  Wowza! I can’t wait.

I’m so happy to present you with this month’s gallery galore, Swoon! Swoon is a monthly feature of all things, words, people and ideas that are currently seducing the pants off of me.

Enjoy, savor, and let me know your favorite things in the comments!


  • This pin, this pin, this pin, this pin, this pin.  Meow.
  • I love this project by Lonely Lingerie called “Lonely Girls“. It’s not the most diverse body showcase in the world, but hey, a belly roll in the hand is worth two in the bush! (Isn’t that what they say?)
  • Violet Gordon Woodhouse is one of my favorite historical seduction storie.  She was one of the most legendary musicians of her time, and was a champion of love and seduction.  Check out this article on the woman described as having “a sense of personality that made people feel they were in the audience of somebody special, a presence that demanded attention, devotion and adulation.  Her music was the expression of her personality.  She was a Queen.”



Want more? With pleasure...

Sign up here for weekly entries and a free download of the first chapter of my book.

Four Husbands & She’s Not Stopping There


Dear Seductress,

Today, I want to talk to you about something beyond just the art of seduction.  I want to talk to you about surrender.

Although, when we really look at it, is there a difference between the two?

As Albert Camus once brilliantly said “I don’t seduce, I surrender.”

When I think about some of my icons of seduction, they just also happen to be women who know how to surrender like a boss.

I think of Josephine Baker, who left the U.S. and her entire family behind to move to Paris, because the discrimination she faced at home prohibited her from becoming the legend she knew she was born to be.

I bet it was hella scary for her to get on that boat and cross the pond into the wild unknown.

But she surrendered anyway to the vibrant, eccentric, unstoppable force that she was, and followed it’s legendary lead.

I think about women like Violet Gordon-Woodhouse, who during the ultra conservative Edwardian era fell in love with four different men at the same time.

But rather than stick to social convention and just choose one, she bought a giant mansion and maintained deep love affairs with all of them under one roof, their undying love for her being the clay between the bricks of what held them all together.

The original seductresses were champions in the game of love.

But the difference is: being successful in love was never their original intention.

It was a by-product of saying yes to whatever buck ’em bronco ride following their deepest truth may have had in store.

It’s the surrender that brings the sexy.

There are at least 100 women in my life who I feel fit this profile.

And they are all alumni of my signature program Sacred Seduction® Deep Dive which closes for enrollment this Friday.

When I asked the alumni what they got from the program, the most resounding answer was this:

“I learned how to trust myself.”

Trusting yourself: the key to unshakeable confidence.

Trusting yourself: the key to feeling sexy no matter what the circumstances.

Trusting yourself:  the only way to make the right decision 100% of the time.

Trusting yourself.

So simple, but so not easy.

Effort on the other hand: super easy.

But effort can only get you so far.

At a certain point, working hard to transform or improve yourself becomes unsustainable, and it’s time to look within for a deeper reservoir from which to source your confidence and wisdom.

And that is exactly why I created Deep Dive. To give you the support you need to pull back the layers on the jewel of authenticity that lives inside you.

The part that requires no effort to shine.

Only deep, uninhibited surrender.

Because I know that the parts of you that lay most hidden are the parts most deserving of the spotlight.

And it’s time to bring them out, center stage, where they belong.
Ready to be brave? I know you are.

The moment you sign up is the moment the transformation begins.


Let’s make this happen.

Click here, let’s meet at your place.


Want more? With pleasure...

Sign up here for weekly entries and a free download of the first chapter of my book.

How To Talk About Farting And Still Be Sexy


I love the tradition of going around a circle on a person’s birthday, each friend sharing something they love about the birthday girl/boy.  Last night at my own birthday dinner, my wonderful friends spoiled me with words so decadent, it felt like eating macaroons and drinking champagne at the top of the Eiffel Tower.

One friend said “You are the only person I know who can wear a sequin bombshell dress and talk about farting to a room full of people at a party, and still be enchanting.”

We all laughed…because it’s so TRUE.

I talk about farting alot because I fart alot.  And I think it’s really funny! I have the kind of farts that are loud and proud and sound like a duck during mating season.  It’s truly hilarious.

You don’t have to talk about farting at a party in order to be sexy. (How’s that for a seduction tip?)

But you do have to be true to who you are.  No matter how eccentric that may be.

There is this assumption that in order to be “in the feminine” you have to be soft, and slow.

But soft and slow is just one facet of the feminine experience.

There is also the side that is lusty and fast.

The side that is nurturing, caring and maternal.

The side that is goofy and adorably awkward.

There is the side that is wise, and protects your tender heart.

And then there is the side that can be downright reckless with it.


To edit any of them out would be like taking the beads right out of a kaleidoscope, leaving you with an experience that is placid, flaccid, and boring.

Sacred Seduction® is the opposite of boring.

It is the holistic face of the feminine. Alive. Instinctual. An almost savage truth. And it is downright irresistible to those who can handle it’s power.

In Sacred Seduction® Deep Dive, my signature program that closes for enrollment this Friday, there are very few traditional seduction techniques that I teach.

Because listen, if seduction were just about push-up bras and pick up lines we’d all be doing it.

Real seduction is a different kind of power than the one that comes from hiding behind a mask of perfection.

It is the power that comes from being brave enough to take the mask OFF.  And what it takes is some serious GUTS.

The mermaids of Deep Dive do alot more than just bring lovers to their knees.

They are the pioneers of what it means merge femininity and feminism together, once and for all.

If this kind of power speaks to you, click here.

I’ve got a seat saved for you, right next to me.

Let’s dive in.

P.S. – Unsure if Deep Dive is right for you, right now? Let’s talk.  Click here to schedule a free one-on-one. It would be my pleasure to talk to you in person, and help you figure out if Deep Dive is a fit.


Want more? With pleasure...

Sign up here for weekly entries and a free download of the first chapter of my book.

A Sensual Yoga Movement Ritual (VIDEO)

Do you ever find that in the game of self love, sometimes you are left chasing your tail?

Like, you know you’re supposed to love yourself, but then in moments where you don’t love yourself, you feel down on yourself for not loving yourself enough!

That is why it is so important to me that self-love be a PHYSICAL practice, as well as a mental and spiritual one.

After all, the distinguishing factor between a love affair and a friendship is it’s physicality – the desire to hug, kiss, caress, and snuggle.  Why should it be any different in your love affair with yourself?

Physical practices of self-love are something I am EXTREMELY passionate about.  That is also why I would like to share one with you today.  It is a 15-minute yoga based routine that you can do any time you want to slip into the sensation of self love.

I am thrilled to share it with you.  Hit play and let’s go!

With love and long hip circles,





P.S. – Enrollment closes Friday September 16th! Click here for all the details. 




Want more? With pleasure...

Sign up here for weekly entries and a free download of the first chapter of my book.