What Cleopatra Knew About Feminine Leadership

cleo knew instaOstrich Plumes,

One of the most common questions I receive from my clients is: “How do I allow my femininity to thrive when I live and work in such a masculine world?”

Or, as one friend so articulately put it: “As women, how do we own the fact that we are hot shit without attracting a box of shit?”

With questions like this, I look to the legends. Take Cleopatra for example.

When you imagine this Egyptian Queen, what do you usually think of?

Kohl Eyeliner? Curls of sandalwood incense? Grand entrances?

Yes, yes and YES.


We often fail to remember that Cleopatra was one of most powerful and influential leaders in all of political history.

Cleo did more than just bathe in milk my friends.

She ruled an entire country. She was brave, and ruthless in the way she protected her right to the throne.

All the while, she did not censor her femininity. She celebrated it, exalted it, and used it to benefit herself and everyone around her.

More than 2000 years later, we still can’t stop talking about it.

This kind of leadership that is INCLUSIVE of the Feminine Way is the next level, the cutting edge of empowerment. And my wish is for every woman to experience it in every area of her life.

That is why this Saturday March 11th I’m teaching a free class called “What Cleopatra Knew About Feminine Leadership (and what you should know about it too.)”

In this powerful class you will learn:

  • The biological differences in the psyche of men and women when it comes to acquiring power
  • The REAL reason owning your sexiness gives you a powerful edge (hint: it’s has absolutely nothing to do with men)
  • How to take your feminine power back when it feels squashed by a masculine world
  • How to set boundaries with grace and style
    The ultimate weapon of feminine leadership (to be revealed in the class)

PLUS like any good party there will be favors, games, and one hell of a grand prize.




Update: The original air date for this class has passed but sign up here and you will be the first to know when it is offered again!  





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Memoirs From A Heartbreak Party



Lemon Drops,

Recently I ended a relationship with someone I loved very much.  It was a painful, but not hurtful ending to a beautiful love affair.  On Valentine’s Day (ironically), we said peaceful goodbyes and wished each other the very best.

No matter how elegant a breakup may be however, no one is immune to the way heartbreak can turn life upside down.

When a death happens, be it of a person or a relationship, we honor it with ceremony and celebration. So as soon as I got home on Valentine’s Day I invited a few close girlfriends over on Friday night for a Heartbreak Party.

I made a big pot of risotto and invited my friends to bring chocolate, wine, ouija boards, oracle cards, performances, side dishes, four legged friends…whatever was their pleasure to contribute.

This request was more than just a desire to not do all the work. It was a demonstrative prayer that when it comes to throwing a dinner party or mending a broken heart, I can’t do this alone.

And that the ideas and offerings of all of us are so much more healing and powerful than just the directives of one of us.

Lindsay was the first to arrive, bearing semi-sweet chocolate chips and ripe strawberries to make us sumptuous dessert. Quinn brought her signature gluten-free brownies that shimmered with big crystals of sea salt on top.

Cynthia walked in with an armful of flowers – when she was  shopping the grocer asked if she was buying a belated Valentine.  “Actually I’m going to heartbreak party” she said.

“Well then, I want you to go pick out another bouquet, and tell your friend those are from me” he replied.

And so we were blessed with not one, but two bursting bouquets of nature’s beauty, both imbued with the love of an empathetic stranger. (sigh and swoon)We enjoyed a great meal, meaningful conversation, Qoya by candlelight, and deep belly laughs.


Click to tweet

At the end of the evening, a friend reflected on how the traditional way to have a heartbreak party is to take a girlfriend out, get her drunk on tequila, and cheer her on while she makes-out with a stranger.  But this party was different.  It was about being present, rather than trying to escape.  No one was shouting about it being “his loss” or feverishly reassuring me that my life will be better in no time.

This was about drinking in and savoring the bittersweet flavor that comes when the only way for a heart to open is for it to break.

It was an honoring of the fact that love doesn’t have to end just because relationships do.

And it was a celebration of the fact that sometimes the most brave and loving thing we can do is simply let go.

Often we use the expression “sit with our feelings”.  This party gave me and experience of not just sitting with my feelings but savoring them, like they were a potent glass of cloudy absinthe, or a dark, floor-length velvet cloak.

What acts of beauty do you use to savor every taste and texture that comes from celebrating the darkness and the light? I’d love to hear about them in the comments.

Here’s to Brownies For Breakfast,







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A Fascinating Tool For Valentine’s Day Astrology


Happy Seduction Christmas – I mean, Valentine’s Day!

I absolutely adore Valentine’s Day.  I wake up in the morning and texts to everyone I know with hearts and flowers, kind of like the way people send copious emojis on Christmas morning to wish you a Merry Christmas.

In life and in love; romance, sensuality, affection, and beauty are what make my world go ’round. 

There was a time in when I thought these traits made me high maintenance and superficial. I always felt like I was asking too much of lovers, or that my expectations for sensuality and romance were  unrealistic.  But when I consulted the Astrotwins, celebrity astrologers and dear friends, they taught me a tool to understand my love style in a totally new way.

You probably already know that in your astrology chart the main thing you look at is your sun sign. Your sun sign is kind of your default, your baseline.  It’s what you read in a newspaper horoscope. But there is so much more to astrology than that! There are 10 planets that make up 10 different aspects of your personality.  For example:

Where the planet Venus was on the day you were born determines how you express and how you interpret love.

This made so much sense to me because I am a Virgo, the Virgin of the Zodiac; sign of purity, always analyzing, highly critical and extremely purpose driven.  TRUE.  But, I also have a rich, luscious, sensual side that falls hard for the Romeo who plants six dozen roses in my bedroom secretly on a Sunday.

I’m highly attracted to great style. I love to be preened and pettted. Confidence is the ultimate aphrodisiac to me.  These are not the most Virgo of traits, which makes sense, because while my sun is in Virgo, my Venus is in LEO.

(Click here and find your birth date range to know your Venus sign.)

Leo is the lion of the zodiac, brave and regal.  Leo is the sign of royalty, drama, beauty, and romance.  Knowing this validated not just the things I am attracted to, but my very path in life.

For example, it is not sufficient enough for me to just be a high powered CEO entrepeneur (Virgo), nor is it satisfactory just to be a center stage showgirl, dazzling audiences from Paris to Polonia (Leo).

I want BOTH.

Hence my career as CEO of a company called Sacred Seduction.

On this Valentine’s Day, find where your Venus is and look to the pinnable cards I created below to learn more about your personal style and tastes in all your love affairs, including the one you have with yourself.

And, if a rich education in all elements of astrology is something that entices you, I invite you to join me in Tulum, Mexico for the annual Become Your Own Astrologer Retreat with the Astrotwins.  This will be my third year in a row teaching Qoya and Sacred Seduction at the retreat.  It is one of my favorite weeks of the year, I actually start planning my outfits a year in advance! (There’s that Virgo planner, and that Leo lover of costume!)

tulum-banner-2017-fullwidthIt will be a Scorpio full moon, so expect lots of skinny dipping!

However you spend your Valentine’s Day this year, I hope it is laden with deep love for yourself, your body, and deep gratitude for all the love in your life.

Beyoncé Is A Virgo,

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Swoonable January!

swoon july

Hello Fresh Coconuts!  New Year, new reasons to Swoon! Swoon is a monthly feature of hand-picked items and articles that are currently tickling my fancy.  Enjoy!








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Pleasure: What I Know To Be True



What does that word evoke for you?

Kissing? A weekend at the spa? Chocolate dipped in chili pepper? An orgasm?

These things offer enormous amounts of pleasure, to be sure.

But what about the pleasure that comes from crying hysterically at the end of a movie?

Or the pleasure you feel after volunteering for a cause you believe in?

Or the thrill that comes from doing something very scary, but very brave?

I know firsthand the philosophy of using pleasure solely for escape or reward.

But what if life was just one big continuum of pleasure?

What if there was no beginning or end to pleasure, only different flavors of it to be enjoyed?

I’ve been thinking deeply about this topic since I received a powerful email from one of my dearest clients, Stella St. Rose:


Happy New Year! I experienced deep anxiety today and chose to up-level my self-care with your self-massage course. I’ve never nurtured my body with love and tenderness like this.

I thank her for everything she does for me, and when I catch a glimpse of her/me in a mirror, I make sure to practice appreciation. But most of the time when I touch her it is to do something functional, like apply sunscreen, or give myself sexual pleasure.

The surprising thing is, I was completely unaware of this lack of nurturing until I performed the self massage today. Thank you for this gift.

Stella beautifully articulates the way that unless our pleasures are functional (i.e. achieving an orgasm or protecting our skin from the sun) we are hardly able to notice them, much less enjoy them.

Pleasure can feel fraught with innuendo, intrigue and invitation.

With a practice like self massage, we reclaim it’s core virtue: innocence.

This is a perfect time to invest in in the most sustainable source of happiness at your disposal:  feeling deeply at home in your own skin.


There are only a few days left to purchase the course at the introductory savings of $99 (regular price of $197.)

Click here to receive your savings and begin a profound experience of true pleasure, right now.





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Celebration Whiplash

Celebration Whiplash


Several years ago while working for a major corporation I made a big screw up that cost the company lots of money. I felt mortified, but also refused to allow this error to ruin my confidence.

To break out the big guns against self-flagellation, I went home that night with an expensive bottle of champagne. If nothing else, I could celebrate the fact that I would never make that kind of mistake again!

Celebration can be a powerful alchemist. But do you ever find that in the quest to celebrate all of life, running towards the things you’d like to run from, can leave you with a case of spiritual whiplash?

They say that the opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference.

I would also say that the opposite of hate is not love, it’s indifference.

A poignant lesson in this for me happened around finalizing my divorce. My ex-husband and I are good friends and our parting was amicable. But divorce is a loss no matter how you spin it.

When I knew the papers where on their way, my impulse to celebrate change at all costs kicked in. I thought about calling my girlfriends to come over for a raunchy divorce party and pole dance the night away.

But the truth was, I didn’t want to greet my mail man with a glass of champagne anymore than I wanted to throw a pie in his face.

I just wanted to greet him. Period.

I didn’t need to sugarcoat the experience any more than I needed to cover it with salt.

I tasted the moment before deciding if it needed any seasoning.

And what I found is that a tall, stiff glass of honesty can be even more refreshing than a bottle of Veuve. (tweet this!)

Like citrus bitters added to a well-made Old Fashioned, life just wouldn’t be as sweet without the contrast.

Discomfort can be so delish.







There is one week left to purchase The Art Of Self Massage at the introductory price of $99 before it goes up to the regular price of $197.

Curious about what it’s like to take the course? Ask Sofia…

“Loving myself, not just my body, has been quite a journey. Since practicing the self~massage regularly, I can actually feel self-love physically in my being, from head to toe.

Self love is no longer an intellectual concept but a physical, cellular one. My body feels infused with love and acceptance. Thank you.”

It is one thing to say an affirmation to your body in the mirror.

To act that affirmation out with your very own hands is another.

Click here to grab your introductory savings and start the course right now!





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Body, I Take You Back – A Poem



The other night in bed I was reading about a little girl in China who was having her feet bound. Feet binding as you know, is the practice of purposely breaking a child’s bones, permanently disfiguring her feet, and making them appear freakishly small and petite.

Why did this practice exist?

To make her more “marriageable.”

As I read about the literal torture this little girl endured, it gave me even further clarity as to why self-massage is critical.

Because our bodies don’t belong to us.

We think they do intellectually, but how many times have you put up with pain in your body pain so that you could conform to  the eyes of the patriarchy?

So that you could “fit in?”

Much like a grown woman trying to fit her foot into a child’s shoe.

Changing our thoughts and beliefs are a crucial first step in mending the broken bone of our reverence for the feminine body.

But physically reclaiming each and every square inch of your own personal cathedral is something only you can do.

Recently I released a brand new course called The Art Of Self Massage. While I’m super excited about it, I have received the same question from several people. To put it gracefully:

“Why the f*ck would I want to massage myself?”

Well, with a warm smile, let me tell you…

Actions speak louder than words, as they say.

When you lovingly massage your own body, you let her know with every stroke who her lover, her guardian, and her soulmate really is.

The love I feel for my body as a result of practicing self-love through massage is impossible to put into words….in a blog post.

Which is why I wrote a poem about the true love I feel for my body after massaging her head to toe.

You can download the poem by reading below, or clicking here for a free download.

And, if you’d like to experience this kind of unconditional love, rather than just read about it, click here to purchase The Art of Self Massage.

body-i-take-you-back-kitty-cavalierBODY, I TAKE YOU BACK

Body, I take you back.

Foot. I cradle the artistry that is you.  I stroke your luscious pad first to touch the earth when I get out of bed, and I praise the toes that spring me forward into life.  I tickle your bones like keys on a piano. I worship the weight of you, heel.

Calves, I now caress you.  I grab at your flesh like a hungry child grabs at it’s mother’s skirt hem.  

Thighs…the way you taper and tease at the knee, then fill up at the top like a vase of roses in full bloom, I bow to you.

For all the times, belly, that you have called to me from the truth of my gut, but I ignored your siren song because there was no evidence to back you up; I knead my hands deep into you now, like fists pressing into yeasty dough.

I want my hands, arms, apron and nose immersed in the flour that is you. I want you beneath, between, below, and behind my fingertips.  

You envelop me, as I envelop you, and like a brown buttered biscuit slathered with honey, I cannot get enough of you.

 For all the times breasts, that you have been slowly stolen by entitled eyes, I steal back your spheres of beauty with my very own hands.

I love you like a potter loves wet clay spinning under her fingers. You are safe under my wing, and when you unfurl from your canopy of lace at the end a long day, I will roll out a red carpet for you that lasts for miles.

Heart, for all the times you have been broken like pink construction paper ripped into confetti, I offer my touch as glitter glue.

Body, for all the times you have been pinched, smacked, leered, or whistled at without consent.

For all the times I tolerated it because I thought you belonged to them more than you do to me.

This is our reunion.  

This is me trading in my terms for un-conditions in the way that I love you.

This is me taking the temple marble that was once dry and crumbling, and polishing it back to life.

With my own hands, body, I now take you back.


Only a few days Left To Save On Self Massage


There is only one week left to receive the introductory price of $99, before the course returns to it’s regular price of $197.

No, this course is not the same as laying on a massage table, because that would be putting your body in the hands of another.

Self-massage is about putting your body in the hands of its Mother.

Click here to begin taking your body back right now.

TESTIMONIALS_NOLA_RETREAT_SOFIA“Loving myself, not just my body, has been quite a journey. Since practicing the self~massage regularly, I can actually feel self-love physically in my being, from head to toe.

Self love is no longer an intellectual concept but a physical, cellular one. My body feels infused with love and acceptance. Thank you.” – Sofia Torres De Chiappetta

P.S. – Click here to begin enjoying Self Massage right now!









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A Radically Different Way To Love Yourself



You’ve heard me say many times that self-love is more than just a game of the mind.

In order to have a genuine experience of LOVE, our thoughts and beliefs are a crucial first step.

But we cannot stop there.

When you love someone or something; be it a partner, a friend, a child or even an animal, you hug them, cuddle them, caress and kiss them.

That is because touch causes the hormones oxytocin and prolactin to be released, which are the physical components of bonding and love.

This chemical reaction, a literal potion of love, happens when you touch another person.

But it also happens when you touch your own skin and body.

Touch is the physical manifestation of love.

Our bodies are starving for tender, loving touch.

But not everyone has the time or money for a professional massage every week, let alone every day.

And mindlessly slapping on lotion after a shower every morning won’t satisfy your hunger.

That is why I’ve taken my 15 years as a professional body worker and created something brand new, unlike ANYTHING ELSE out there.

Are you ready for self-care to feel fun and sexy, rather than obligatory?

Would you like to learn a skill that will bring you back to your body anytime, anywhere?

Let’s revolutionize your self-love affair RIGHT NOW.


P.S. – There has never been a better time to invest in the most sustainable source of happiness at your disposal: feeling deeply at home in your own skin.

Click here and let’s get started.


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Tea Parties, Love Almanacs, and Faux Fur EVERTYTHANG: December Swoon!


Fox Tails,

Happy December, and welcome to our monthly feature of delectable delights: Swoon! In this month’s issue you will find a fine variety of books, articles, accessories and ideas; all that are currently tickling me pink.  I love writing this feature for you every month – enjoy every morsel!



Are you as hopelessly romanced by tea parties as I am? If so, this gorgeous hardcover guide will set you straight on how to do it RIGHT.  Delicious recipes, dazzling images and cheekiness abound in this beautiful book.

Kate Spade, just stop it already with your faux fox long gloves! Swoon indeed!

“For a woman … ‘to be’ in the fullest sense is ‘to sin’. A rich, rewarding article that provoked me in all the right places.



This jacket from ASOS + wax jeans + a black lace bra underneath = all I want for Christmas is YOU.

The one and only Gala Darling dazzles us again with a positively STUNNING 2017 Radical Self Love Almanac.  (and a feature by yours truly!) Prepare your eyes for a grand feast.

Words cannot describe the charm and romance the that the Chateau de Gudanes blog provides.  They even have their own advent calendar in the shop, which makes my inner 5-year old squeal like a Provencal Piglet.


Balthazar…Cellaring…Degorgement.  I could spend days delving into the rich, complex language of wine.

This vintage leather+suede trench is hard to resist for prowling the streets like an International Spy.

Custom Pin-Up Girl wrapping paper, don’t mind if I DO!


Juicy wisdom from my pal Kate Northrup on the connection between money, sex and power, and why it is spiritual to be rich.  (OM.)

Marvelous muffs to protect your precious ears this winter!

What are YOU doing New Years Eve?


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A Quick Tool For When Things Are A Hot Mess



Recently I received an email from a client who had thrown out her back and was laid up on the couch. She was FREAKING OUT about all the areas of her life that needed tending but was literally paralyzed to take action on. She asked:

“I can’t help feeling like this is a sign that I need to let go. I know there is a part of me that needs to soften, but I’m so afraid that if I do that it will all fall apart.”

I think we can all relate.

Just the other day I was recalling a time when I was deep in the trenches of my eating disorder, and how I used to pray for body acceptance. When I look back on it now, I can see that what I was really praying for was to lose weight. I had read somewhere that once you accept your body as it is, that is when you start magically dropping the pounds!

I certainly wasn’t praying to love myself as I was, because that would mean “letting myself go”.

I never in a million years thought I could accept, much less love, much less want to have sex with myself exactly as I was, the way I do now.

I wrote back to my client with an assignment to help separate letting go from letting yourself go, two concepts that easily become enmeshed.

I’d like to invite you to do this exercise with me now.

  • On the left side of a page of paper, write one or two different areas of your life: job, career, family, love, friendships, body, etc.
  • Next to that column, make two new columns – one that says “Let Go”, and one that says “Give Up”.
  • For the next five minutes, fill in the two columns on the right. Just let your consciousness take a big, fat dump. :) Ready? Go!

What I find every time I do this exercise, and what I hope you found too, is that letting go is in fact quite different from giving up.

We think letting go will turn our lives into a hot mess.

But in fact, letting go is often the most GRACEFUL thing a person can do.

Letting go means being like the gorgeous river stone that allows water to shape it into smooth, polished perfection.

Letting go means taking an elegant bow to the power of being fluid over being solid.

Letting go means WE, instead of just me.

Letting go means admitting that the my human mind is in fact limited in what it has the power to do, and that if I’m willing to loosen my grip, even just a little, I make room for help to arrive.

You know who really ROCKS at letting go? A rose.

As the Mae West of the floral world she arrives tight and closed, concealing soul-quenching beauty beneath her folds. The price of admission to that big burlesque of a bloom? To just…patiently….wait.

The definition of the word “let” is: “to allow”.

The definition of the word “go” is: “to move from one place to another”.

Imagine if all you had to do to make real progress, and move from one place to another, was to slow down and allow?

(To my client who asked the question: makes the couch seem a hell of alot more productive, hey?)

With A Wet Handful of Smooth Pebbles,


Image via Flirty Fleurs




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