One night several years ago, I arrived early to meet a friend at a bar, and started chatting with three Scottish gentleman who were visiting New York for the first time. When they asked me what I did for a living I said “I teach classes for women on the connection between sensuality and spirituality.”
“Oh realllllly!!” said the most boisterous of the bunch, leaning back on his heels, thumbs in the front pockets of his jeans. All of sudden a photo was snapped of him posing next to me with his thumbs up like a poacher who had just made a kill. The photo was then posted on social media with the hashtag #internationalsexexpert (which I am not.)
Then he said something that changed my life forever:
“Women need coaching in this stuff? Come on, all a woman has to do is talk to me and I just assume she wants to fuck me!”
Record scratch again. A deeper cut this time.
The group laughed tentatively, offering me a “we can’t take him anywhere” awkward side glance.
The most painful part of this interaction was not the comment itself, it was my own reaction to it. The comment scared me and I froze. My blood turned cold, and worst of all, I laughed along with them like nothing was wrong.
As painful as it was, I needed to have that moment. It was a profound moment of: This. Needs. To. Stop.
The pattern of dissociation where it is more safe for a woman to freeze her truth inside her own blood than it is to speak it out loud, needs to stop.
The pattern where men are so discouraged from feeling their vulnerability that it is easier to view a woman as an object to conquer, rather than a human being whose beauty and power could very well break their tender hearts, needs to stop.
The pattern of courage being defined by one’s ability to harden, numb, and endure; rather than to soften, wake up, and feel, needs to stop.
I don’t take responsibility for the way the culture has shaped my sensuality to be included in Manifest Destiny. But I DO take responsibility for the ways I contribute to it when I choose to numb out and fake it, rather than pause and feel (no matter how uncomfortable it may be for myself OR for those around me to witness.)
It occurred to me in retrospect that he wouldn’t have been able to make me feel like an object if I didn’t already feel like one myself; and that in order to stop these patterns of how women are perceived, we MUST BEGIN with the way we perceive ourselves.
There is a depth to Sacred Seduction that is not always visible to the naked eye. To an outsider it might sound like classes on how to stroke your lover with a feather or walk successfully in high heels. But Sacred Seduction is much more than that.
When a woman enters this community she is often slouching and hiding in ways she herself may not even be aware of. When she leaves, she is open, bright and shining, with a confidence that is completely authentic and utterly impenetrable.
At it’s heart, Sacred Seduction is a practice that results in no longer feeling like you need to hide who you are, or what you feel. Period.
Without that interaction with my Scottish friend, I don’t think I would have been able to see that so clearly. That interaction shaped the course of my work. Every program, every coaching session and every retreat I create all center around interrupting that moment of “freeze”, and help us all to heal through our willingness to feel. For that I am extremely grateful.
Today is the last day of the Flash Sale Fundraiser where all of my signature courses are on sale, and 20% of all purchases go to Rise As One; an organization that provides shelter and education for young women and girls exploited through child marriage.
Let’s change the way feminine sensuality is perceived, by changing the way we perceive it in ourselves.
P.S. – This flash sale ends tonight at 10pm. These courses are being offered at 50% off, (WHAT??) and are normally only available seasonally! They will be taken out of the shop tonight. Click here to explore and enjoy this massive savings now!