Recently I experienced a pretty traumatic event in my life, and currently I feel like lighthouse that is out of service on a foggy night. My normal spiritual tools of cheering myself up with red lipstick, big adventures, grand dinner parties and dancing the night away could not be further from my mind. And that is just fine by me.
Today I was in a coffee shop and there was an adorable, chirpy little barista taking orders. I walked up to the counter looking like Baba Yaga herself (pictured above), the ultimate iconic hag witch. The barista chirped away lovingly trying to infect me with her joy. In fact, there were hot, attractive people all around the coffee shop, each saying good morning to me, making eye contact, smiling and the like.
I wanted to slap them all.
Actually that’s not true. I didn’t want to slap them, I just didn’t want them near me. I just didn’t want anything or anyone near me other than a small circle of family and friends that I know and trust.
It is no secret or surprise that feeling sad, angry and alone is not exactly honored in our world, collectively or individually. No one is immune from the impulse to pop a pill, buy a self help book, or bully themselves into “being more grateful” to try to escape the feeling of sadness and self-pity.
I define Sacred Seduction as attraction through authenticity. Right now, I feel decidedly un-attractive. Opportunities, people, chances to be happy or “cheer up” are passing me by like cars speeding down a highway, and I am completely content to remain here in my lawn chair watching them pass, not feeling attract-ive or attract-ed to a single thing.
True seduction is an act of surrendering to your own true nature. And like all things in nature, seduction is cyclical. It cannot be rushed. To do so would be like showing up to your own birthday party while your friends are still hanging the decorations. You’ll be disappointed, they’ll be pissed. So for today, though it is uncomfortable, I am content to wallow in this silky darkness, knowing that my willingness to do so is the exact lubricant necessary to move me closer to next phase of coming alive again.
Now, I turn the spotlight to you in the comments:
How do you practice soaking up your darkness like a sponge? What are your methods and tools for trying to feel deeper, rather than just trying to feel better? I read every one of your comments, and would be so grateful to hear your wisdom.
With my best Baba Yaga bad breath,