Confidence: Beyond The Bells & Whistles


Recently I was preparing for a big event and needed to pick up a new pair of shoes. I had a specific budget for this purchase. I went to the store, chose a pair, and walked out having met my need for new shoes without compromising the needs of my bank account.

God damn it felt good.

In the past, setting a budget conjured up tremendous fear that would inevitably lead to self sabotage. Years ago I remember heading out to pick up a pair of $10 earrings studs before an important speaking event, and leaving the store with a $400 Labradorite necklace that “just spoke to me.”

In that moment, the urge to buy the necklace felt like my intuition talking. And maybe it was. But when I look back with the wisdom of hindsight, I see that what I was really trying to do was manage fear.

My mind saw that necklace as something I could control in a situation that felt very much out of my control. “I can’t be scared onstage if I’m wearing a necklace like this,” my subconscious reassured me.

It reminds me of the powerful quote from Carl Jung:

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will control your life, and you will call it fate.”

As I grow and evolve I find that I need less and less “things” to feel confident.

My confidence comes from a quiet trust in who I am. How I look is just the icing on the cake.

May this be a reminder that you too, are more than your bells and whistles.

More than your adornments and accoutrements.

And that like the best things in life, the best parts of YOU, are actually…free.

Love and Labradorite,







Image by Charisse Kenion via Unsplash


  1. I can totally relate. Though I never made big purchases, I did let my pre-recession salaries define me and my self-worth. I have been freelancing since the recession, and, let me tell you, I appreciate the beauty of money so much more now, and I don’t tie it to my self-worth anymore.

  2. Beautifully said Kitty. I used to use my bells and whistles almost like armor. I always thought that if everything looked beautifully put together on the outside, then nobody would be able to tell that I was feeling really insecure or vulnerable on the inside. I had to do a lot of inner work to cultivate a more genuine and authentic confidence.

  3. So true! I’m in the process of evaluating my relationship with money and objects…this has brought on so many changes in the way I see myself and others, truly worth relecting upon deeply. Thanks Kitty!

  4. I can relate to this Kitty! For years I would go shopping to buy a “pick me up gift” it did make me feel better for a brief time but as you can imagine not for long. I no longer do this but rather face the problem head on.

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