Meditating in High Heels


Recently I headed back home to New York City for a very special event. Jo Weldon, the woman who first taught me how to fan dance and founder of the New York School of Burlesque, wrote a new book called “Fierce: The History of Leopard Print.” Jo was doing a book signing and a burlesque show with some of my favorite performers of all time. I knew I had to be there, so I packed up my leopard velvet fascinator and hit the road.

Being back in the city after a long absence quenched my senses in a way I didn’t even know they were thirsting.  I zoomed in and out of the streets of Soho wearing a vintage black wiggle dress and bright white Keds. Femme Fatale on my body, Chantilly lace on my feet.

As I neared Crosby street where the event was being held, I pulled over to switch my footwear to something a bit more elegant. With pointed toes I slid my feet into a pair of camel colored, suede, T-Strap stilettos. These were really more of a sitting shoe, but I felt confident I could handle the half block walk to my destination.

I steadily strode the short distance to the show, but when I arrived, all I saw was a long row of garage doors. I pulled out my ticket. The event was being held at 126 Crosby St. I was at 26 Crosby street.


It was just far enough to make walking in stilettos painful, but not far enough to warrant another shoe change. So I began my 4 block journey to the correct address.

When distance walking in stilettos you just want to get it over with, so my strategy is usually to walk at a brisk pace. But after just two minutes I was entering the red zone; pinched toes and burning in the pads of my feet – so I slowed everything WAY down.

I noticed things I never would have seen had I kept my blinders on with the Scissor Sisters blasting in my ear buds. Faces, places, colors and moments that would normally have escaped my tunnel vision snapped into 20/20 clarity. The fast moving city which holds herself like a tight bud began to soften and bloom around me.

When I finally arrived at the show, I was relaxed, open, and grounded. Because my nervous system had been tended to, I was able to enjoy the show from a state of total receptivity, the way a hungry five year-old devours a chocolate chip cookie.

May this be a reminder dear one, that you can meditate anywhere, even in high heels. (click to tweet)

And that any experience can be savored more deeply through surrendering to the miracle of your senses.

Strutting and Savoring,





HEADS UP! Next week is our annual…

Ready for a stay-cation this summer? A chance to savor life through the senses, FEEL FOXY in your own skin, save big AND give to a great cause??

Next week is our annual Flash Sale Fundraiser! All courses will be $100 off, and a portion of all proceeds go to a wonderful organization.

I’ve got a few sweet surprises up my sleeve too, be sure to open up on Wednesday!

Chasing Approval? Read This.


Cherry Blossoms,

Let’s do a little exercise. You with me?


Don’t think about ‘em.

Just for a minute.

Can you do it?

It’s really simple!

Just don’t think about cucumbers!


Okay…how’d it go?

I ask you this because taking control of our thoughts is something that has been, well, heavy on my mind lately.

Specifically when it comes to our collective quest to detach from what other people think of us.

I am about to make some really big changes to my business. “Winds in the east, mist coming in” as Bert would say in one of my favorite Sacred Seduction® movies, Mary Poppins.

I feel really itchy and unhappy with the “information product” business model. I long for connection; to be with my community in-person, skin on skin, voice to voice.

In designing this restructure I have been instructed to stop looking at what other people in the industry are doing and stop caring what people think.

Which of course just sends me straight to Instagram to obsess over people’s lives and how I need to be like them in order to be doing things right.

Have you ever noticed that trying not to think about something often will drive us straight into the lovin’ arms of that very thing itself?

(Hence the cucumber analogy.)

To explore this idea, I’ve recently unsubscribed to pretty much every piece of content marketing that hits my inbox, even the things and people I truly love.

In doing so, I’m noticing what it is I truly yearn for, rather than just consuming everything comes my way.

And here’s what I’ve learned:

The secret is not to care less about what other people think.

The secret is to care MORE about what you actually care about.

For me, that’s looking at mansions in Barcelona for a 2017 Seduction Retreat. (she says as her eyes turn into hearts that make the sound of a 1920’s car horn.)

It’s planning more in-person experiences, less recorded MP3’s.

It’s dancing more, reading more, traveling more…computering less.

In doing so I feel my energy curling back up inside me; condensing, focusing, becoming more potent.

Look out Lovers. Somethin’ is brewin’ and ’bout to begin…

Spit Spot,




P.S. – Want to see me LIVE in your city? Drop me a comment.  I want to hear from you!

November Instagram Challenge!

Cherry Blossoms,

The last time I was in New Orleans, I stumbled upon the home of my own personal Fairy Godmother. It’s a boutique on Magazine Street called Love It, and the owner Danna Lee is an icon. Her shop is filled with floor length fringe, silk kimonos, handmade top hats and long lavalieres.

This treasure trove of items is matched by her warm, caring, artistic energy that wants to obliterate the walls keeping you from your full style potential.

I long for women like Danna Lea in my life; women with a voracious appetite for the type of beauty that shocks the senses alive, and make it their life’s mission to pursue it, relentlessly.  So, to satisfy that longing, for the month of November I’ve decided it’s time to become one.

I’d like to invite you to join me in The Sacred Seduction Adornment Challenge for the month of November on Instagram!

Every day you will receive a prompt to inspire your adornment practice –  in your wardrobe, your home, your office, your body; any place, any way it tickles your fancy to create beauty on the spot.

Snap a photo and post it on Instagram with the tag #sacredseduction and you will automatically be entered to win one of our four rockin’, seriously stylin’ prizes (see below).

Join me and a community of seductresses from around the world as we walk our style one step closer to the edge of glory!


Guidelines for posting


Snap a photo inspired by the daily prompts (found here), upload it to Instagram and use the tag #sacredseduction.  If you miss a day no worries, just join where you are at!

Please note that this challenge is not just about your wardrobe. It is about actively creating beauty in in new ways everyday.  Let the prompts inspire you in whatever direction feels best – your clothing, your bedside table, your car, your office, your makeup – wherever and whatever!

Make sure to keep up with the other babes posting by searching #sacredseduction, then like and comment kindly on their posts! Beauty begets beauty, share the love!



Every time you post you will be entered to win one of the following incredible prizes.  Prizes will be chosen at random once per week.


From Olivine Atelier, a “You Are Loved” beauty mist box set, as well as a gorgeous deck of Daily Love Cards.


From POUND Jewelry, a beautiful opalite pendulum for divination, cleansing and increased sexiness!


From legendary stylist Scarlet Chamberlin, a 20-minute personal style session over Skype to answer all your questions and give your wardrobe a professional level of style prowess!


A 20-minute private Sacred Seduction Coaching Session with Kitty Cavalier and a handwritten love letter delivered straight to your door.

I can’t wait see your posts! Click here to follow me and let’s inspire each other!

Viva La #SacredSeduction,




The Truth I Really Don’t Want To Tell You

Because I am a seduction teacher, people often assume I’m some master of men.  Like I can flirt with any guy or make any man want me, anytime.

Sometimes that can be true.

But the real truth is, I’m often not.

Men still scare me sometimes.  I really have to work at it to relate to them as actual humans, rather than just stereotyping them as minions of patriarchal rule.  Sometimes when I’m around men I still feel like a blubbering idiot, or I shiver like a little lamb on the inside.

I’ll admit, when I first started studying seduction it was because I wanted to feel more comfortable around men. When in the presence of a man, especially in a romantic context, those were the moments I most acutely forgot who I was, and became most cruel and mean to myself.  I could be going about my day feeling fine, but throw a sudden interaction with a guy into the mix and all of sudden I’d start calling myself fat or stupid, and feeling really insecure.

As my practice began to unfold, I realized something. Seduction as a spiritual practice wasn’t about my ability to attract another person, it was about being able to hold onto myself during an experience that triggered my most profound self-criticism.

For a long time I thought the attention of men was the barometer of my seductive power.  It reminds me of a process we call “legitimization”.

Here in the U.S. when a child is born to unmarried parents, until the father’s name is put on the birth certificate the child is considered “illegitimate”.

Dictionary synonyms for illegitimate are: unauthorized, fraudulent, non-existent.

In other words, unless a man will validate your existence, you kinda don’t even exist in the eyes of the culture!

And if Daddy decides he doesn’t want to sign the birth certificate, Mama has to go through a whole legal rigmarole to get him to do it.  (As if she doesn’t have enough on her mind already.)

That’s exactly how many of us feel about our seductive power.  Like unless someone else notices it and validates it, it must not exist.

I used to think that being a seductress meant wearing high heels every day, having sex three times a week and flirting with everything that moved.

But the real truth is, I am never not a seductress. And the same goes for you.

Whether I am dating like firestorm or haven’t entertained a gentleman caller in months, I am still a seductress.

Whether I am entertaining a room full of people or sitting in a corner struggling against the undertow of social anxiety, I am still a seductress.

Whether I am choosing to open my heart or keeping it shut tight like a steel door, I am still a seductress.

A seductress, being a woman who never doubts her powers of attraction.

A seductress being a woman who leads with her most authentic self, not because she has something to prove, but because she has something to GIVE.

A seductress being a slut minus the shame.

Not just a seductress, but a SACRED seductress.

That’s the game I’m in.

And that is how the wheel of Sacred Seduction® turns.  After admitting all this to you, I realize that my lingering fears and insecurities around men really only make me more attractive at the end of the day.

It’s always under the rock of our flaws that we’ll find our greatest assets.

How about you? Tell me in the comments, what’s one thing you struggle to own without need others’ approval?  The more we call out the B.S., the more profoundly we stand in seduction.

Flawed and Fabulous,

k swirl signature




photo by Becca Kannapell


Four Husbands & She’s Not Stopping There


Dear Seductress,

Today, I want to talk to you about something beyond just the art of seduction.  I want to talk to you about surrender.

Although, when we really look at it, is there a difference between the two?

As Albert Camus once brilliantly said “I don’t seduce, I surrender.”

When I think about some of my icons of seduction, they just also happen to be women who know how to surrender like a boss.

I think of Josephine Baker, who left the U.S. and her entire family behind to move to Paris, because the discrimination she faced at home prohibited her from becoming the legend she knew she was born to be.

I bet it was hella scary for her to get on that boat and cross the pond into the wild unknown.

But she surrendered anyway to the vibrant, eccentric, unstoppable force that she was, and followed it’s legendary lead.

I think about women like Violet Gordon-Woodhouse, who during the ultra conservative Edwardian era fell in love with four different men at the same time.

But rather than stick to social convention and just choose one, she bought a giant mansion and maintained deep love affairs with all of them under one roof, their undying love for her being the clay between the bricks of what held them all together.

The original seductresses were champions in the game of love.

But the difference is: being successful in love was never their original intention.

It was a by-product of saying yes to whatever buck ’em bronco ride following their deepest truth may have had in store.

It’s the surrender that brings the sexy.

There are at least 100 women in my life who I feel fit this profile.

And they are all alumni of my signature program Sacred Seduction® Deep Dive which closes for enrollment this Friday.

When I asked the alumni what they got from the program, the most resounding answer was this:

“I learned how to trust myself.”

Trusting yourself: the key to unshakeable confidence.

Trusting yourself: the key to feeling sexy no matter what the circumstances.

Trusting yourself:  the only way to make the right decision 100% of the time.

Trusting yourself.

So simple, but so not easy.

Effort on the other hand: super easy.

But effort can only get you so far.

At a certain point, working hard to transform or improve yourself becomes unsustainable, and it’s time to look within for a deeper reservoir from which to source your confidence and wisdom.

And that is exactly why I created Deep Dive. To give you the support you need to pull back the layers on the jewel of authenticity that lives inside you.

The part that requires no effort to shine.

Only deep, uninhibited surrender.

Because I know that the parts of you that lay most hidden are the parts most deserving of the spotlight.

And it’s time to bring them out, center stage, where they belong.
Ready to be brave? I know you are.

The moment you sign up is the moment the transformation begins.


Let’s make this happen.

Click here, let’s meet at your place.


How To Feel Sexy In Any Situation (Without Having To Buy New Underwear)

Hampton Inn Realness

Rocking some Hampton Inn realness

This weekend I attended a family wedding, and spent the night at a Hampton Inn.  I was on the phone with a girlfriend, and when she asked where I was, I told her I was laying on a pair of very over-bleached sheets.

“That doesn’t sound very sexy Kitty Cavalier” she said.

“Yes it does, because I’m in them,” I replied.

After a mutual giggle, it really made me think about how limiting our definition of the word sexy can be.

For example, I think a new set of Sharpie markers is extremely sexy.

I think the way the bubbles on top of a glass of champagne tickle my nose is sexy.

When I tell the truth, even when it’s really hard, I feel extremely sexy.

I even think the way Winnie’s fur feels after a bath is sexy!

Now let me clarify, when I say these things are sexy, I don’t mean that they make me want to fuck someone.

What I mean is that they engage my senses.  They make me feel passionate and excited.  They remind me of my own aliveness, which to me, is the most sexy thing of all.

I remember a time when I thought that in order to feel sexy I would have to lose 30 pounds, or drop a whole paycheck on new lingerie.

Or that I would have to memorize a bunch of snazzy pick up lines and master the art of potent eye contact.

Basically I thought I would have to become someone different than who I was.

And the mere notion of it all exhausted me.

But what I have found is that by switching my viewpoint from one of a magnifying glass to one of a kaleidoscope, sexy is available to me any time I want it.

And that is exactly what I want to share with you in my new free class, “How To Feel Sexy In Any Situation (Without Having To Buy New Underwear)”.

Trying to feel sexy from something outside yourself requires alot of work.

It can feel exhausting, like you just want to throw up your hands and forget the whole thing.

But when you can tap into the source of sexy, the feeling is almost effortless.

When you know how to find the source of sexy, you can come back to it again and again, in any situation.

This secret is not complicated.

It works for everyone, and it won’t cost you a thing.

Be my guest in this free class, and find out for yourself just how simple feeling sexy can be in any situation.

feel sexy in any situation





How Do You Define A Seductress?


How do you define a seductress?

Is she a man-eater? Manipulator? Vampiress?

Someone out to steal your lover when you aren’t looking?

I’d like to offer an upgrade on this definition.

A true seductress is…..

Wildly authentic.

Assertive and direct.

Unapologetically sensual.

Feminine as fuck.

Seduction is a power we are all using every single day, whether we like it or not.

Trying to pretend you are not a seductress, at least in some way, is like trying to pretend you don’t need air to breathe.

Every area of your life – work, home, family, love – benefits when you know how to use your seductive power responsibly.

The truth is, every woman alive is a natural seductress.

But not every woman alive is given the tools and support necessary to embrace this power and use it wisely.

That is why today, my signature program Sacred Seduction® Deep Dive opens for enrollment.  It is my most personal and intensive offering.

I truly believe that for a Sacred Seductress to unfold fully, it requires more than MP3’s and computer screens. It requires continuous support, coaching, and intimate connection.  Someone who really cares about you and has their attention on you full time.

That is truly what makes Deep Dive different.  It’s not only about the content, it’s about the connection.

Click here to learn more about becoming one of our mermaids!

deep dive program



The Proudest Moment Of My Life

When my father passed away after a bicycle accident two years ago, we had 72 hours to spend with him before he passed.  He was unconscious for most of it.  People are often aghast when they hear the story of how suddenly it all happened, but actually, having those precious three days felt almost luxurious.  I believe his final act of kindness was staying alive so that we could take the time we needed to process and say goodbye.

In that somber and swollen moment just after his spirit had left his body, it naturally felt like some sort of prayer was in order, however I don’t really pray with words.  I find them cumbersome and complicating in moments such as these. Personally, I pray with beauty.

I took a yellow rose I had brought from home and peeled off the petals one by one. I created a makeshift basket out of tri-fold hospital paper towels and walked around his bed, adorning his body.  Each petal was a prayer of love, a tangible tribute to his physical form.

I then took an essential oil blend called “release”, and I anointed his forehead, followed by the bottoms his feet, symbolizing my prayer for him to have a smooth transition, and letting him know he was free.

Beauty takes moments that could be riddled with and darkness, and miraculously, it lets in the light.  

Without beauty, this memory could have been a trauma in itself. But because of beauty, I will always remember my Dad’s body shining as beautifully as a bright yellow rose.

Beauty not only heals, it entices. For example, this week I got invited to two co-working dates.  One took place in a crowded, noisy coffee shop a few minutes from my house.  The other, hosted by my friend Marianne, was about a 30-minute drive through the mountains.  Marianne’s invitation however, featured homemade zucchini fritters followed by a visit to a nearby swimming hole where the water is so clear you can see straight to the bottom.

It was an easy choice to make.

Beauty can take a dull and ordinary workday, and transform it into something romantic, memorable, and extraordinary.

So the next time you feel the urge to put a wedge of lime in your water glass, light a candle next to your bedside, wear lipstick for no reason or take yourself out to a fancy dinner just because it’s Tuesday, please remember that these things are not frivolous, or silly, or a waste of time.

Indeed, beauty is what you were designed for. (click to tweet!)


Oh so Fondly,




Image by Becca Kannapell








Sex With A Salmon


Tonight, I had sex with a salmon.

I let it enter me, tease me, and seduce me all the way to the center of my guts.

I’m talking about my dinner of course.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the topic of entering, penetration, communion. 

Sometimes when I eat dinner I look mindlessly at my phone.  But when I think about it, if I was in bed being penetrated by a lover, I would never be checking social media.

So why should it be any different with my dinner?

I owe it to this salmon to wrap my lips around it. 

To open WIDE.

To let the oxygen fill my mouth, making this a glorious threesome.

To feel the reciprocity between my taste buds leaning forward, and the salmon diving headfirst towards my tongue, offering me ecstasy in the flesh, even in it’s death.

It reminds me of when I made my first communion.  I went to church for 10 days in a row just to feel the unity of my budding senses with my roaring spirit…over….and over…and over again.

I give myself to this penetration of flavor as deeply as it gives itself to me.

And in doing so, I am reminded of the reason we call it “saying grace.”

Image: Vera Lair via Stocksy

Being A Sensual Woman Is Easier Than You Think

Sexy Fig

Recently I was speaking with a client who is currently in graduate school and hella stressed out.  We were discussing how to bring more sensuality into the current construct of her life which, like the shape of a book, is quite linear and hard around the edges at the moment. She shared that she has tried on her own to live with more sensuality, but it never quite seems to stick.

“You know Kitty, I own the lingerie, and I know I’m supposed to have nights where I eat figs and cheese off of silver platters and watch old movies in a dressing gown” she said, “but I just feel silly doing it, like it’s not me.  I think deep down I just don’t believe that I am a sensual woman.”

I told her I could relate, but she didn’t believe me.

“You’re such a sensual woman though! Lingerie and figs is like, what you do!” she said.

That’s true. AND, I can also remember a time when lingerie and figs felt about as natural as doing a headstand on a moving subway train.

Do you ever feel like your body, your wardrobe, or your vernacular needs to be different in order to become a sensual woman?

Well, let’s test that theory.

Take a moment to raise your right hand to your left forearm, and give it a little caress.

Did you feel that?

Well there you go. You’re a sensual woman. Welcome to the club. {wink}

See, sensuality is nothing more and nothing less than an experience of the senses. The lingerie, the lip gloss, the figs, the wine goblet, these things are not the source of your sensual power, they are expressions of the sensual power that already lives within you.

“Can it really be that easy?”  my darling client asked.

“It can” I replied, “if you are willing to make the simple shift of claiming that you already are a sensual woman, rather than going along with the idea that you need to become a sensual woman.”

A SENSUAL WOMAN IS NOT WHAT YOU BECOMEclick the image to tweet!

I mean, have you ever seen a baby with a teething ring, or ridden down a snowy hill on a sled when you were five years old, or rubbed a dandelion on your skin just to see the bright yellow color it would leave behind? Don’t you dare try to tell me we are not born with all the sensuality we will ever need.

You may think that time and cultural conditioning have trained the sensuality right out of you. But not so my loves.  Not by a long shot.  The awareness of your sensual nature may have been tampered with, but your actual sensual nature is eternal, unbreakable, un-train-outable.

It is the deepest part of you, your literal flesh and bone.

It is the part that speaks without words and think without thoughts.
It is always there, waiting for even the slightest acknowledgment from you, so it can serve you everything you desire.

This process simple, but not always easy.  If you feel like sensuality is not something that comes easily to you, please don’t let this round of Sacred Seduction® Deep Dive pass you by.  This course will take you to the depths of your sensual truth.

I want to teach you about the crystal ball in your pocket that shines with a 100% accuracy rate, how sensuality can make you more productive at work, and more wise, grounded and present in your family life. You see, sensuality is holistic.  There is no part of your life  it does not already affect. This ship has already set sail. Now, let’s give you the power of a compass.






Today is the last day to take advantage of the Early Sign Up Savings – click here for all the details.

P.S. – feeling like you want to become a member of Deep Dive but have questions about whether or not it’s right for you? Click here to book a free 20-minute one-on-one with yours truly.

deep dive program