Have you even noticed that when you are in the hair stylist’s chair, your lips tend to loosen and secrets tend to spill? Ever wonder what’s up with that?
Well I can tell you. Quite scientifically in fact.
First of all, it’s an act of intimacy just to allow someone to touch your head. You have put your trust in them by allowing them re-style the way you look. You are surrounded by glorious smells, sweet scalp massage, and the spotlight of one person’s complete attention for at least 45 minutes.
In this setting, your nervous system relaxes. Therefore, your heart opens. And when your heart opens, you can’t help but speak from a place of authenticity.
The number one need that must be met for your nervous system to thrive is a feeling of safety, but here’s the thing: what creates a feeling of safety is different for every person in every experience.
For example, one of my core spiritual practices is Body Worship – a ritual of looking at your naked body in the mirror through the eyes of appreciation. I had done this exercise several times and my attempts were earnest, but they were usually done in the reflection of a bathroom mirror under overhead lighting with no seduction of the senses whatsoever.
When I really came around to it was when I lit multiple candles, set out a soft, fuzzy blanket, warmed coconut oil on the stove, set up a gorgeous antique mirror to gaze into, and played Cleopatra inspired music.
Because I had tended to my body’s need for beauty, music, luxury and pleasure, my nervous system felt safe enough to soften. I let down my guard, and it was a rapturous, life-changing experience.
Do you tense up every time someone tells you to “just relax”?
Are you sick of people telling you to “just open your heart”, like it’s a latch you can unhook at any given moment?
Do you yearn for someone who understands the needs of your mind AND your body when it comes to your healing and growth?
Well my dear, your chariot awaits. Club Macaron was created exactly for YOU.
You who wants a way to bring more softness and relaxation into her life, but prefers the sound of a New Orleans jazz trumpet to that of a singing bowl.
You who finds holiness in a gorgeous vintage cocktail ring.
You who suspects that the art of everyday pleasure can be equally if not more healing than analyzing your pain.
When you enroll you receive:
Of all our spiritual practices, the one thing we know we can depend on is gratitude, right?
Gratitude is indeed a blessed, beautiful, important practice, when it is sincere. But when forced, gratitude can be manipulative, toxic and a waste of time.
I spent my 20’s dating, engaged, then married to a wonderful man. This was a man who served me at every turn. He was supportive and caring. I thought I had the husband of the century. So when I felt that something was off in the relationship and developed a mysterious resentment towards him, I figured the problem had to be me. I was convinced I just needed to become more grateful for what I had.
I wrote gratitude lists for all the qualities I loved about him, which sounds like a nice, wise, spiritual thing to do. But when it came down to it, I wasn’t writing those lists because I was grateful. I was trying to turn up the volume on “grateful”, in order to the volume down on my truth.
Ten years into the relationship, he revealed a deep betrayal that had been going on since day ONE. Do you know what I feel grateful for now, five years later? MY INTUITION.
In this instance, gratitude caused me not to trust myself. It quieted the spiky, suspicious voice of my truth; soothing and smoothing it like a honey-voiced Professor Umbridge from the Harry Potter movies.
Gratitude was like the shrunken gel air freshener in a smelly gas station bathroom.
An example of this from my current life is the city in which I live. I hate living in North Carolina.
There, I said it.
Am I grateful for the lessons I’ve learned here, and the wonderful people I’ve met? 100%. Am I grateful for the river, the mountains, the crickets I hear at night? About 20%. I’m a city girl, through and through. In the words of Walt Whitman, “Keep your quiet places by the woods, give me the streets of Manhattan!”
Here’s the thing – that does not make me ungrateful. It makes me HONEST.
In my new book Club Macaron (available now through May 31st), there is an entire chapter dedicated to this particular kind of honesty, which is what I call Vérité.
Vérité is the French word for truth, but its meaning goes deeper than one word. Vérité is the truth beneath the truth. Vérité is not nice, nor is it mean. It is the truth that can’t be glossed over with gratitude. It is the truth that takes a bit longer to rise because it is not coming from the knee jerk reaction of “I’m fine.”
The moment you enroll in Club Macaron you will receive instant access to the print and PDF book with a whole chapter on Vérité (how to listen for it, speak it, and live it) as well as a members-only class on The Art of Assertiveness.
Ready to trade in forced gratitude for silver tongued truth telling?
Last night I hosted a gorgeous launch party for my brand new book and program, Club Macaron. (available now through May 31st!) Right before the launch I had an energy work session with my friend Marianne, and heard a message loud and clear:
When I was a child, I had a fairy godmother. Not the portly, gray-haired, wish-granting kind. More like the Mists of Avalon, purple-robed priestess kind. She was wise and beautiful, expertly adorned, kind, and smart as a whip. Especially on rainy days I would roam around the grassy yard barefoot and communicate with her in a secret language.
My fairy godmother, this wise woman with long dark hair and queenly adornments, lived in my heart. But as time went on, she began to feel more like a distant fantasy than a guiding force. I would see glimpses of her throughout my life but mostly reduced her to a childhood game.
Then, one day when I was all grown up, I found her staring at me right in the face.
In the movie Advanced Style, the creator of the film roams the streets of Manhattan looking for incredibly stylish women, preferably over the age of 60. He lavishes them with well deserved attention. They are walking works of art.
These women are more than their Chanel handbags. They are explosions of unexpected, unbridled beauty.
These are our Fairy Godmothers in human form. They bundle crone-like wisdom with timeless sex appeal and an indestructible joie de vivre. They on the cutting edge of The Great Divine Feminine Comeback, and they embody the power that forms the basis of Club Macaron: La Femme Vitale: The feminine life force.
La Femme Vitale is a power we see play out in movies like Mary Poppins where the innocent genius of children calls forth exactly what the family needs, even if it is not what the family wants. A strong-willed, fiercely loving woman who knows her own mind and is in charge of her own magic appears, and the entire family, not just the children, is forever changed by her attention.
La Femme Vitale plays a starring role in the movie Chocolat, where the lead character Vianne sees an entire town suffering under the crush of puritanical doctrine. She fearlessly unleashes the sensual power of her ancient Mayan chocolate recipes on the town. Like a superhero, sporting red shoes instead of a red cape, she faces enemies at every turn. But she refuses to censor who she is and what she loves. As a result, the entire town springs forth into a newer, freer, more loving existence.
In real life, the examples of La Femme Vitale are endless. It lives in Maya Angelou’s poetry, Frida Kahlo’s painting, Aretha Franklin’s voice, Jane Goodall’s activism, Coco Chanel’s innovation, Julia Childs’ roast chicken, and so…much…more.
It’s the tears that form in the corners of your eyes when you hear the song, Ave Maria. It is the ecstasy you feel when you bite into a ripe fig still warm from the sun. It is the ache in your heart when you see suffering, and the conviction that courses through your veins when you take a stand for change.
La Femme Vitale not only lives in you, it IS you. YOU are a Femme Vitale.
At the start of last night’s class, I was surprised to introduce myself not just as Kitty Cavalier, but as Mary, my birth name. I believe it is because this is the most authentic, genuine work I have ever produced. It comes straight from my heart. My Fairy Godmother is smiling.
This offering is only available through May 31st. Click here to learn more, get your hands on the book and join us.
I remember when I first learned about the power of positive thinking. For about a week, I felt amazing and empowered.
But then I found, I had never felt more insane.
While I do believe we can use the mind to choose our thoughts more carefully, changing how they are created is not the mind’s job. Not at all. That job my darling, goes to what I call your R.F.N.S. – Your Resplendent Feminine Nervous System.
Allow me to elaborate with a page from my new book, Club Macaron, which makes its grand debut Thursday night:
Our nervous system is The Great Communicator. Its sole function is to relay messages between our body and our brain. Therefore, every thought you have is a consequence of the state your nervous system is in at that time.
Have you ever noticed that you could go to bed feeling hopeless about a situation, but after a really good night’s sleep, you wake up with a totally different outlook? Or have you ever been pissed off by your partner’s annoying habits one day, but after a great workout, the same habit appears almost cute?
The difference is not the situation, but the state your nervous system is in when it experiences the situation.
You may have been taught to care for your circulatory system through exercise, or your digestive system through diet, but the extent of our education about the nervous system is usually limited to: take a deep breath and relax. Our overall need for relaxation is great indeed, but relaxation is actually only one pebble on the shore of what your nervous system needs to find its sweet spot.
The Sweet Spot is the feeling you get when your feel-good hormones of serotonin, dopamine, and oxytocin are flowing free. Your body feels well tended, and your emotions are at ease.
When you are in the sweet spot, it doesn’t matter if you are strolling along the Seine River or pumping gas at a rest stop, your body feels ALIVE and ENGAGED with life, and your mood and emotions follow suit.
So you see my love, trying to use your mind to change your thoughts is kind of like using the same consciousness that created a problem to solve it.
This Thursday May 17th at 7pm, I’ll be raising a glass to my new book and teaching a free class on how to keep your nervous system hummin’ like a little red corvette. Join us!
At this launch party & free class I’ll be sharing:
One of the needs of your RFNS (Resplendent Feminnine Nervous System) is beauty and music. To start tending to that need right now ANd heighten the pleasure of anticipating Thursday night, enjoy this exclusive Club Macaron playlist. (Big shout out to Club Macaron member Xandra who inspired it!)
Enjoy the affect this music has on your body chemistry while doing the dishes, driving to work, dressing for your day or undressing for your evening….
It was day three of a nasty cold, and you know how difficult nighttime can be with a racking cough and stuffy nose. Before bed, I assembled an artillery of defense on my nightstand: a cluttered mess of cough syrup, tissues, cough drops and Vicks Vapo Rub.
It all looked so…DEPRESSING.
“Wait a minute” I thought. I grabbed the tin platter from my dresser that my perfumes had been sitting on, stuck a flower into a vintage bud vase, added my medicinal array in an orderly fashion and voila! Instant beauty. My new tray of treats caused my nervous system to relax. As I climbed into bed I felt like I had gone from a cold clinic to the Ritz hotel.
Such a tiny change, such a huge result. Such is the power beauty has.
(Click to tweet)
Since before we had words to speak, we used beauty to communicate things like thank you, I love you, I honor you, I’m grateful, please.
In these violent times, beauty can be seen as a frivolous luxury. And yet, is our collective discourse and agitation not simply a symptom of the way we have forgotten the true value that beauty brings?
As a child and young adult, where I found solace and respite was in the world of beauty. Initially, with the naïveté that is natural to youth, I thought beauty meant keeping up a flawless exterior. I used beauty to conceal the shame of feeling like my insides were permanently dirty from how I grew up. I invested almost all my time and money in trying to make things “look good.”
I use beauty to express and honor the woman I have become.
My signature red lipstick has nothing to do with trends. Red is the color of passion and power. In Feng Shui, red is the color of good luck. I use red to adorn my lips the same way one would light a red candle at Christmastime; to express joy, celebration and wonder.
When you add a scarf to your outfit that brings out your eyes, when you sprinkle green parsley over pink salmon, when you toss rose petals into your bathwater; I urge you to remember this simple fact — every act of beauty is a form of prayer.
Every day is a new opportunity to experience the healing power of beauty, but creating a unique, authentic style can feel overwhelming and intimidating. That is exactly why I’ve created a powerful free guide to show you how to find your Signature Style.
More than how we dress, style is how we EXPRESS.
You know that feeling when you find a piece that was just MADE for you? Like a beautiful thing inside of you has just found its soulmate outside of you? What if that feeling wasn’t something you had to wait for destiny to bring? What if you could study, cultivate, and master it, so that feeling fabulous about the way you’re dressed becomes the rule, not the exception?