An Ode To The Betrayed

kitty betrayal blog

Cinnamon Sticks,

In my recent class and story hour called “I’m Going To Be Completely Honest With You”, I shared fairly candidly about my own journey with betrayal.

Like many, betrayal has been one of the biggest teachers in my life.

When I first learned that the person I had shared my life with for 11 years had essentially been living a double life, the pain was indescribable. I spent many nights howling harshly, like a wolf who had been badly bitten in the leg.

Over time however, I realized there was a pain even deeper than what had been done to me. It was the betrayal I had done to myself by ignoring inner voice.

See, my mind may not have known that there was something going on behind the scenes, but my bones sure did.

The bones are a powerful symbol. They represent our most indestructible life force. The bones are what remains of us long after we are gone, and they are the very structure around which everything else in the body organizes.

In my marriage there was wonderful communication, we took excellent care of each other and we genuinely loved one another. And yet, there was always a feeling in my bones telling me something was off.

It was a feeling I couldn’t quite put my finger on. It was a blunt, fuzzy vibration, like a church bell being banged on from the outside, rather than a clear, clean clang from the inside.

Because I had no evidence or even suspicion, I thought the ringing in my bones must have meant there was a problem with me!

I thought I just needed to be more grateful for this wonderful man, or read more books on how to open up to love, or take more classes on how to have hour-long orgasms…blah, blah, blah.

At the end of the day, I didn’t need any of those things. What I needed was the truth.

And yet, hadn’t I pushed away the truth over and over again every time I ignored this clanging in my bones? If I had been feeling this way the whole, time, why hadn’t I been honest about it with him?

I had to come face to face with the fact that I had kept my truth from him too.

I had not given him my Vérité.

Vérité being the truth beneath the truth. The truth that is not nice, nor is it mean. The truth that is the essence of intimacy.

It was a bitter pill to swallow, but I had admit to myself that by not giving him my full truth, I had betrayed him too.

When I was finally able to admit that, I was free.

A woman in the class asked me the question: do you ever get over the pain of betrayal?

My answer after having gone through this experience is that getting over my pain doesn’t really interest me as much as listening to what it has to teach me. Because when I finally took off the blinders and looked my truth square in the eye, what I saw was not pain, but POWER.

In choosing to listen to my pain, I got the power of my bones back.

And I can honestly say that I would not have skipped this pain, because being able to KNOW who I really am, and live that freely in the world, is a deeper pleasure than any I have ever known.

The question I have for you is: what is your truth underneath the truth?

What is the truth that risks everything in order to share it, and yet the risk of not sharing it is even greater?

Right now, there is a society of women who are LIVING the answers to these questions, and their name is Vérité.

This group of gutsy babes believes that knowing, telling and living their truth is the most important thing they can do to show up completely in their own lives, and create positive change in the world (not to mention the sexiest.)

Vérité replaces the idea of being “brutally honest” with being “beautifully honest.”

Because telling the truth is powerful. Telling the truth is sexy. But most importantly, telling the truth is what we are here for.

Vérité is only open for enrollment through September 29th. The community is intentionally kept small to create a more intimate environment, so there is no scheduled date as to when it will open again.

Click here to join us, and become a member now

P.S. – have questions? Send us an email at support@kittycavalier.com, we would love to hear from you!

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