A Ritual To Honor Your Dark Side

Imagine we are creating a ceremony to honor one of your most treasured character traits. Which one would you choose? As an example, let’s pretend we are creating an altar to your sense of kindness.  What would go on that altar? I imagine a big piece of pink rose quartz, maybe some gold confetti, a bright white altar cloth, a peaceful candle, etc. But what if we were to create an altar for the parts of you that are often not so cherished; like your rage, your sadness, your grief, or your pain? What would go on that altar? And why, pray tell, would you create an altar to such things in the first place?

When if comes to expressing and honoring our light in this lifetime, it is impossible to do that without also exploring and honoring our darkness. Our darkness is what brings dimension to our light. (click to tweet it!) You cannot have one without the other. Whenever I encounter a woman who seems to fully own her radiance, I know she is a woman who has also gone to the depths of some pretty dark places. The clarity of her light demonstrates that.  She has walked through the fire of her fears and come out on the other side, initiated.  This fearlessness creates the kind of glow that would make a vile of botox start to shiver in it’s boots.

our darkness brings dimension to our light

How we are used to dealing with our shadow side is through it coming up unconsciously. For example, someone says something that rubs you the wrong way and all of a sudden you are afraid to open your mouth because you just might belch a fireball. Or maybe you feel depressed, anxious, tired or irritable and can’t figure out why. Most likely something in your emotional ecosystem is asking to be honored.

But how do we honor these things that we are taught to avoid because of their destructive power? Well, it wasn’t so unusual to think of creating an altar to your sense of kindness, was it? Not at all, because kindness is something we are used to when it comes to women.  We honor women who are kind, as we should.  But in order to fully embody every dimension of our power, we have to honor all parts of ourselves, not just the “nice” ones.

In my book, Sacred Seduction, I call this part of ourselves the Femme Fatale.  Femme Fatale literally translated means “fatal woman”.  But rather than just a stereotype of a man eating Vampiress, in Sacred Seduction we take a closer look at her as an archetype.  In this context, our inner Femme Fatale is the part of us that does not fear death.  She understands the necessity of endings.  Like the Goddess Kali, she is unafraid to come charging forward with eyes rolled back and guns blazing in service to protecting what she loves. Embracing her is a powerful, beautiful and very necessary part of being a woman.

Today, I would like to offer you a seduction practice that I use to consciously honor my dark side.

A Ritual To Honor Your Dark Side

1. Begin by setting sacred space.  There are thousands of ways to do this, but my favorite way is to burn Palo Santo, light a shit-ton of candles, and put on some hypnotizing music like this song.

2.  Begin assembling an altar to your dark side, your inner Femme Fatale. Here are some items I love to use, and what they represent to me:

  • Dark wine or beer: represents the heady sweetness that comes from drinking in my dark side and not being afraid to feel her power.
  • Dark chocolate: the pungent bitterness that leaves me feeling alive when I allow my dark side to be honored.
  • Tobacco: I don’t really know why, I just like it!
  • Dark Liquor: makes me think of dancing on the sacred ground of New Orleans, swirling amidst all the voodoo and spirits who love a good alcohol offering.
  • Images of your favorite Femme Fatales: rather than the traditional Catwoman or Bond Girl, I like images like this one of Donna Gottschalk in 1970.

donna gottschalk

  • Flower Petals: reminds me of the perfection of nature and how my darkness is ever-unfolding.
  • Black cats: reminds me that the things I’ve been taught to fear are actually the most tender, exotic and misunderstood parts of myself.
  • Cloves: cloves are dark, spicy and notoriously healing.
  • Dark Stones: reminds me that darkness is an integral part of nature as a whole, and my nature as a woman.
  • Coffee beans: Dark, earthy, luscious.
  • Any special totems
  • Dry, Brown leaves: reminds me of how gorgeous and necessary the cycle of death is to life.
  • Images of wild, instinctive animals: hear me roar bitches! 🙂

3. On small pieces of paper write down some things you would like to release in order to embody your Femme Fatale more fully. What do you need to let go of in order to speak your truth? Some examples would be: fear of not being nice,  fear of not disappointing others or meeting their disapproval, fear of coming out of the comfort of denial, etc. Place these papers in a bowl as an offering and place them on one side of your altar.

4. Then, also on small pieces of paper, write the things you would like to invite into your life to live the legend of your Femme Fatale full out! Some examples would be fierceness, courage, letting go of what others think, being daring, being vulnerable, being a soldier of truth. Tuck these around the items on your altar.

5. Bow to your altar and say a prayer, incantation or mantra that makes you feel like your dark side is shining!

6. After 24 hours have passed, take the things you wish to release and burn them, bury them, or flush them down the toilet, releasing them as gifts to the earth like fertilizer.

7. Each day, take one of the papers you have tucked into your altar and tuck it into your clothing, such as under your bra or in the waistline of your pants so that you are literally wearing your Femme Fatale in all her glory.  Once you have worn each of these qualities on your physical body, you can dismantle the altar in gratitude, or keep it intact as long as you like.


I hope this ritual rocks your world and helps shake the crust off your rich, fertile, fecund, fabulous Femme Fatale. Please do tell me in the comments what this post inspires in you, I always love to hear from you.

All My Lovin’ ,



P.S. – There are about ten sexy days left to savor this month in our #sacredseduction Instagram challenge.  It’s never too late to join us, click here for daily inspiration and weekly prizes!





  1. One of your best, my dear. This one grabbed me by the hair and validated all of the challenges, disasters, emotions and triumphs that I have weathered. You write beautifully, please know that and let it coax more out of that head and heart of yours. And, coincidentally, I had just ordered the glass for a shelf in my bedroom for some of my favorite items…all dark wood, mercury glass, peacock feathers, and cloves! It’s like you read my mind and wrote the instructions for completing it, and also explained the urge in me to do so. Talk about divine timing! xoxo

  2. For being a dude, culture and society have a double standard for me as well as my brothers. Allow your dark side to shine, but don’t and day by day, created by a light only religion, the worse and uncontrollable parts of our dark side take over many of us eventually leading to the destruction of the entire person. Guys need an article like this too – for myself, your article, clearly written for the goddess, gave me perspective on how I might do the same types of ritual I could do for myself! Great Read. Thank you!

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